Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

My dad turned 80 in July. I didn’t really grasp his age until the moment we all shouted “surprise” ! I understood 80 was coming, I had been planning his party for 6 months. But knowing and processing are two different things. My dad’s my hero. He’s kind and caring, forgiving and generous, compassionate, loving and forgiving. Plus he always has a bit of mischief in his eyes along with a contagious laugh hiding behind his smile. My dad’s humor is wicked and his stories, well, they’re hysterical. My dad can be humble and stubborn at the same time. Don’t get me wrong. He’s as human as they come. Dad gets grumpy sometimes, just like and gets stuck in his ways once and awhile. He’s not perfect, but he’s a good, honest man. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t sacrifice for his family.  When I was little, time didn’t seem like a foe. I was a child. In my little mind I had no doubt my dad would always catch me. But time waits for no one. So, when 80 came and went I pretty much tripped over my ...

  Son,  I'm not sure what's happened. But I think it started a long time ago. Maybe it was the TBI, maybe we weren't listening like we should have, or maybe it was just the road you were meant to take. Whatever got us here, had a purpose. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but what I know is you've become your own man. A man we're proud of. You're making your dreams a reality and that is pretty amazing.   I can say I'm sorry. I can ask forgiveness. But I can't go back and undo the past. All I can do is tell you I love you; we love you and we miss you. I'm your mom, I won't stop trying, just as I know you won't stop pushing us away. Maybe one day we'll meet up somewhere and start fresh. Maybe you'll fill us in on how you're doing and what's happening in your life. Maybe one day I'll get to see you smile and hear your laughter again, maybe one day you'll hug me again. Maybe...one day. But you know what? I'...

  There are times in life when nothing goes right. I mean absolutely nothing! For one reason or another everything is out of sync. We might know why, or none of it makes sense at all.  Confusion usually follows. Sadness and depression typically creep in at some point. Anxiety is a given and anger eventually makes its rounds too. So, what comes next? How do we turn things right side up once they’ve flipped upside down?  I have no idea, to be perfectly honest with you.. There’s no magic answer or trick to it. Sometimes you’ve just gotta go through hell and keep going till you reach the other side. It’s not a simple answer. It's simply the truth.   Why do I say this? Well, because I’ve spent a lot of time there myself recently. Let me just say it now, it's not fun. Nothing about being out of sync is amusing or a beer and skittles moment. It's downright miserable and uncomfortable really. When life gets all knotted up and the worms are out of the can, things can get...

  An Open Letter To My Son ~ I’m not sure where life took a wrong turn. But it did 2 and a half years ago. I’d love to tell you I understand everything. But I don’t. Not because I’m blind to my own faults. I know I have plenty of them. I’m mistaken often. I make the wrong choice, say the wrong thing and embarrass myself a lot. But what I’m not, is cold, without emotion, unfeeling or unapologetic. What I am is truly and deeply sorry for everything. I’m sorry for your pain and anger. I’m sorry for the damage done to our family and the rift between you and your brother. I’m truly distressed you’re separated from your Nana and Paw Paw. And I’m deeply remorseful that you've ever felt rejected. You are my son, and nothing can or will ever change that.  I hear your resentment and I deeply feel your hate. And it breaks my heart. However I’ve contributed to this injury, I’m sorry. I want to understand and hear you, to acknowledge and recognize your hurt. To face what it is I’ve do...

  I’m an optimist. Always have been, and always will be. It’s just who I am. I like to see the good in people and situations. I try to look past the negative. Not that I don't have moments of doubt and skepticism or hesitation. I do. I’m a realist too. I understand that not everything is going to come up roses. However, just because I have moments of confusion or uncertainty doesn’t mean I lose hope. I always have hope.  Some folks ask how I keep a smile on my face, especially when I’m at my lowest. I’ll be real with you here. I may be an optimist, but I’ve learned how to hide my pain and smile through it. Sometimes it’s easier to smile rather than explain. Chronic illness has taken a lot from me. Especially in the past 3 years. Surgeries, loss and grief have taken their toll. Estrangement has broken me. And yes, I feel every pin and needle prick drawing more and more energy from me every day. Still, I smile. Why? Because I have hope that whatever the outcome, I’ll find peace ...

  Sometimes life goes sideways. You can fight it and struggle with it. You can even scuffle with the pain and stress all you want. But the bottom line is you eventually have to stop grappling your demons and start sorting out the actual root of the trouble. Problems don’t just go away on their own. Toil and trouble doesn't just disappear because we want them to. Obstacles don't miraculously disappear by hiding from or ignoring strife or conflict. Our mix-ups and setbacks only get bigger, uglier, more intense and hostile the longer we brush them aside. It's like a gremlin, add water, and another one pops up. Then another and another one. Before long, your one gremlin has become as army of it's own. That’s the thing about discord, especially among family. The longer it continues, the more hostility and division it creates.  Prolonged quarreling, squabbling and engaging in assumptions only leads to more confusion and misunderstandings. Hence the gremlin effect.  Now, I’m ...

  “Your mistakes don’t define your character. It’s what you choose to do after you have made the mistake that makes all the difference.” ~ Dave Williamson If my life was a montage in a film, you’d probably be surprised by the bloopers reel. And when I say bloopers, I mean gigantic, enormous, colossal epic fails. My life is full of them. Quite regularly too. I’m an ordinary, everyday run of the mill, clumsy, muck it up, fish out of water. If there’s a way to mess it up, I’ll find it. Kinda like those Pinterest fails. Yep, that’s me. I start out with good intentions and suddenly the whole thing goes sideways before I know what’s happened.  So, let's get this out in the open right away. I’m about as flawed as they come. I don't have any superpowers. Well, that is unless you’re counting my ability to put my foot in my mouth or trip over my own feet. Then I have some rather amazing, dynamic and extremely high-powered capabilities.  Not that my whole life is amuck, all the time...