An Open Letter To My Son

 

An Open Letter To My Son ~

I’m not sure where life took a wrong turn. But it did 2 and a half years ago. I’d love to tell you I understand everything. But I don’t. Not because I’m blind to my own faults. I know I have plenty of them. I’m mistaken often. I make the wrong choice, say the wrong thing and embarrass myself a lot. But what I’m not, is cold, without emotion, unfeeling or unapologetic. What I am is truly and deeply sorry for everything.

I’m sorry for your pain and anger. I’m sorry for the damage done to our family and the rift between you and your brother. I’m truly distressed you’re separated from your Nana and Paw Paw. And I’m deeply remorseful that you've ever felt rejected. You are my son, and nothing can or will ever change that. 

I hear your resentment and I deeply feel your hate. And it breaks my heart. However I’ve contributed to this injury, I’m sorry. I want to understand and hear you, to acknowledge and recognize your hurt. To face what it is I’ve done to hurt you so deeply. But I can’t unless you’re willing to talk to me, not about me. I’m writing this with the hope it'll reach you and you'll read it with an open mind.

I want you to know I’m aware I’ve never been a perfect mom. I don’t claim to be. I know I’m imperfect and flawed. What I am is a human mom. A mom who has made mistakes and is still learning from her errors. I’m a mom who loves her children dearly, with all her fabric and being. I love you. Know that. Deep down, remember that. Wherever life takes you or me, I love you. 

You will always be part of our family, our fabric and our history. Nothing can undo that. You need to know this. And that no one has disowned you. Those words have never been spoken. You are loved, wanted, missed and cherished. Dad and I love you. Our door is open. We are always willing to talk and listen. When or if you’re ever ready, we’re here.  

~Mom