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Showing posts from September, 2010

Agent of the SBCA (Survivors of Breast Cancer Agency)

I woke up this morning as I do every other weekday morning falling out of bed, turning on the computer, crawling my way into the kitchen and into the boy’s rooms. Once my eyes finally open I put breakfast on the table, get back packs in order and stop to pause and kiss my children on their way out the door reminding them to say their prayers. After cleaning up, making beds, washing up the dishes, putting the dog out and taking a deep breath the silence becomes almost deafening honestly. I know I should embrace the quiet and enjoy my orderly house for the day right? I do, really, but I also miss my kids and the sometimes crazy but always beautiful noise they bring into my life on a daily basis. With all we have been through as a family over the last 4 years you would think I would be tougher than this right? You know the “one tough mama” thing? I may be stubborn but tough… not at all. I am a simple woman, a mother and a wife who sometimes feels a bit inadequate but always tries

Life Inside A Shrinking Box

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Can you imagine a world where the journey is the destination? Where the sky is turned upside down and the sun has turned blue? A place where the train does not take you there, but where you follow the tracks instead? Maybe a world where there is no normal and the meaning of the word normal is unusual? I know of a place, a world not too far off the beaten path where the destination is just the beginning… A place where you are who you are from the inside out instead of from the outside in. A world like no other you have ever seen where a promise is the gift we find in our journey instead of the promise we never find at end of the rainbow. Yes, a place where nothing makes sense at all yet everything makes perfect sense at the same time? Have you ever thought about a world where we could simply be ourselves? Not a world where we are trapped inside a shrinking box? For me this world well it would be a place where living with one breast in a two boobed world is not just ok but be

Saying Goodbye

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I awoke today with sadness, a heaviness lurking just under the surface. This grief came suddenly yet not unexpectedly. I tried as I willed to push it back, as far away from my heart as possible not wanting to have to face cancer’s long cold stare. But all the same cancer crawled out from its ugly rock and looked me straight in the face. Yes, cancer came to my door today and hit me over the head. You know the one we all see sitting there, unmoving as we dance and walk around it day in and day out? It has been hard for me to see as I have tried to navigate through the heavy darkness since it rolled into my heart yesterday. The truth is I have been stumbling around in a fog since the dubious rock sitting outside my door brought news of the loss of one of cancer’s most powerful voices. His name was  Donald A. Wilhem . Don was more than an author or another blogger.  No Don was both a friend and cancer survivor as well. In fact Don was a four time survivor and five time cancer fighte

Queen of Wishful Thinking

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There are moments in my life when I seriously question where my childhood dreams went wrong. I mean was I the only little girl who wondered what it might be like to travel to distant lands and experience the world through untouched eyes? What about all those long afternoons spent under the tree of Hopes and Dreams? Didn’t we all steal a moment at least once under her majestic canopy? Do you remember feeling the wind brush your face and the warm kiss of the sun as you lay under her blowing leaves? Oh I do! How I longed and dreamed of dancing everyday beneath this beautiful tree with all her grandeur. Oh the charming scenes I would play out in my imagination, the worthy king by my side, the smell of the mad hatter’s tea, the glass slipper finally being placed upon my foot, becoming a queen to a handsome, strong king who saves the day? Well as my story unfolded life didn’t quite go so romantically now did it? Nope, not really…. The fall down the Rabbit’s hole, well it was a bit to

No Ordinary Princess

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What has cancer taken from me? Well honestly this is a very loaded question. If we look at just the surface we can find many, many things…like for starters my breast? I can tell you this one was not easy to let go of. Seriously I was not keen on this detour life offered me. I did not go into the O.R. skipping while whistling a joyous tune I can assure you! It was not like I said yepee and accepted an invitation to Cinderella’s Ball or anything like that. Nope it was more like losing my glass slipper on the way to the ball and walking on broken glass the rest of the way to get there. The truth is I knew if I did not walk through the shattered glass beneath me on my way and let go of my breast I would have had to let go of my life. Yes I lost my hair, my eyebrows, and my lashes (Not ideal for a princess. I mean seriously how does the crown stay on?) And I lost time with my children…time watching them grow, giggle and laugh through what was supposed to be an ideal childhood. But