Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

After a decade of writing as the author of THE UNIBOOB CLUB  I have made a big change, breaking out of my cocoon, spreading my wings and taking flight. I have spent the last 3 years inside what may call a soulful chrysalis. I'm still the same woman you've come to know over the last 10 years, only stronger emotionally, mentally and spiritually and with a pen name now. I have made a complete transformation and I'm ready to be myself fully, completely and openly and yes without apologies for who I am. I'm still the same girl with a big heart with a strong sense of family and faith and the same sense of humor that's given breast caner a race for her money over the last 10 years. The difference? It's simple, I've grown. I've become a much braver, bolder soul and I hope a bit wiser, if not even goofier but more importantly with a much more relaxed attitude, perspective and approach to life. What I know now following 10 years of writing and overcoming t...

"Because when I look at you , I can feel it. And  - and I look at you and I...I'm home. Please...I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget. " Dory, Finding Nemo I can hardly believe it's been 14 years since we first watched Finding Nemo with our boys. The year was 2003. Joshua was 6 and Micah just 4 years old. Little did we know that just three short years later breast cancer would come for me, wrangling for our family and the life we were creating together. How could we know then that every memory we were making was about to be put to the test, tearing at our fabric, and pulling at the very stitches holding us together? How could we know a barracuda named breast cancer would come seeking to destroy our home, our life together in 2006, possibly leaving our boys without a mother? I wanted nothing more than to see my boys grow up. I mean what an awfully big adventure that was going to be right? I longed to see where life would take our boys e...

"I didn't always know what I wanted to do but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be." ~ Diane Von Furstenberg Ever heard the saying we all have a little Wonder Woman inside us? I have, and my daddy was the one who repeatedly affirmed this to me every day of my life growing up. My dad was a believer in who I was then and the woman I would become later. He taught me long before it was cool to rise up and be a woman of character and strength. The saying, " She needed a hero so that's what she became" was ingrained into my fabric long before it made the social media rounds. My dad has always been my greatest fan, and while I loved my Barbie dolls right long side my comic books my dad made sure I understood being a strong woman was far more important than ever looking like a Barbie doll. And truthfully my Barbie's stepped in as Superhero substitutions more often than not. I was and will forever be a Wonder Woman kind of girl. I know I'm not W...

"I have not changed; I am still the same girl I was fifty years ago and the same young woman I was in the seventies. I still lust for life, I am still ferociously independent, I still crave justice, and I fall madly in love easily." ~  Isabel Allende I am still the same girl I was all those years ago, opening gifts on Christmas morning, climbing up on my parents bed, dancing around in a pink tutu, receiving my college degree or walking down the aisle to marry the love of my life. Sure I may have changed outwardly. I've grown into my personality, into my skin and grown a few inches taller along the way but underneath I am absolutely the same girl I have always been..spunky, sassy and  free spirited. Life has moved me, shaken me and shaped me, but it has never broken me. I may have struggled with body image but I made up for that in so many other ways from taking the stage and belting out a tune, ballet, dance, gymnastics, theater, piano, voice, choir, writing, mo...

“Sometimes you don’t realize the weight of something you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight of its release.” ~The Power of Positivity For years I told myself I was going to lose weight. I had very good intentions, believe me, but intentions aren’t actions. Intentions don’t produce results, hard work does. I had avoided the weight issue for years, slowing gaining more and more weight telling myself I would...eventually take it off. I was a mom, dong mom things. I didn’t have time for lipstick or fashion, heck I didn’t even have time for a shower some days. I had somehow lost myself and the woman I was before becoming a mom in the process. Andie Mitchell’s quote “we put our lives on layaway until we lose weight…and lose years not just waiting but hating ourselves too” honestly hits home for me. I was giving myself every excuse possible from still carrying baby weight, breast cancer, early menopause or simply stress. By 2013 I was at my heaviest, wearing a size 16 at ...

“Strength grows in the moments when you think you can’t go on but you keep going anyway.” ~Anonymous In this last post for October, I just want to say how humbled I am to share my thoughts, my stories and my life with you. This blog started out as a means to cope, to deal with cancer and to fight back. Little did I know back then not only would I survive breast cancer but I’d also develop a voice of my own along the way. In finding my voice and in battling the big C, I’ve come to understand the deeper meaning in Marianne Williamson’s words, “Something very beautiful happens to people when their world has fallen apart: a humility, a nobility, a higher intelligence emerges at just the point when our knees hit the floor.” My knees did indeed hit the floor but today, October 31, 2016, some 10 years since cancer came for me I have emerged stronger. I sit here in awe, blessed and grateful to be able to call myself a SURVIVOR. Ten years ago this past December I found a lump in my...

“Behind every scar there is an untold story of survival.” ~anonymous My scars, each one of them though they may be old, purple, fading and spread out are still very present across my chest. I have scars most people could not imagine living with, more or less living through what caused them. I have been cut open and stitched up in ways unimaginable, put back together again and sent on my merry way. My scars are a living testament, a reminder I have faced death, battled the Beast and lived to tell the tale. I am not ashamed of my scars, no, they tell my story. I wake up each and every morning and face the mirror without as much as sigh. I see the mark of the Beast on my body. I am vividly aware of her handiwork, the art of breast cancer’s imprint and the impact on my life. I feel the phantom pains, the crazy reminders of a breast that once was but no longer exists. In those moments each and every morning staring into the looking glass I thank my Father for His unyielding s...

“The woman I was yesterday introduced me to the woman I am today; which makes me very excited about meeting the woman I will become tomorrow.” The woman I was once is gone.  Like a butterfly I've broken free from my cocoon. I'm braver than I was, much more independent and far more free thinking. No, I wasn't as strong or always as tough as I am now. However I have always been genuine though sometimes to a fault. I’ve lived a life that has resonated a fervent and spirituous nature. I’ve always been a passionate soul that’s for sure.  I'm feisty, full of laughter and eager for adventure. I was raised by two unbelievably loving, caring, affectionate and kindhearted  parents. They taught me the art of being silly, of being true to myself and having a strong mind of my own. My stubborn, head strong ideas, my hopes and dreams were never discouraged. My parents encouraged me to soar, to fly and spread my wings from the moment I was born.  Through the years I haven...

“In this house we don’t give up.” It’s our motto, our hakuna matata you could say. Being a young mother diagnosed with TNBC in 2006 was shocking to say the least. But it was downright absolutely frightening for my children. They were babies really. Joshua was 9, in third grade and Micah was in first grade just turning 7 the week I started chemo. You can say this wasn't exactly  how I saw our story playing out myself. That in mind I can just imagine mommy having cancer wasn’t anything like Goodnight Moon for the boys either. Breast cancer, isn't a fairy tale of heroics and martyrs. It’s a battle to the death, for life. Either cancer is going down, or you are. It’s just that horrifically simply. When I look back on my life, on my kids and their battle with my disease I’m amazed by their bigger than life brave hearts. They are what we call co-survivors. Why, well because they too were fighting the beast right alongside me. Literally, “my kids were my heroes through it all.” ...

When I look around me and see all I have, by whom I am surrounded and the love that encircles my life I am awe struck. I am not only a breast cancer survivor with a second lease on life; I am living a life of purpose. I know who I am and where I have come from. I am not ashamed of the circumstances that have molded me, created and made me who I am. My life, all I have and have not and everything else in between is more than sufficient. I may not have it all but I do have a life many dream of. And I don’t mean material riches, title or possessions. I’m talking about the real stuff dreams are made of like family, friends, love, faith and a life well spent. I'm loved unconditionally and accepted wholeheartedly by those closest to me. Do I deserve the love or life I have been given, not really but I am unbelievably thankful for all of it. I have been provided an education I am proud of, a job I love and a profession tailor made for me. I am married to the love of my life and toget...

Taking a look back, it was ten years ago I crossed the finish line during our first breast cancer walk. I was fighting the beast at the age of 33. Hand in hand, arms up with my family and friends we stood united. Johnny was on my left and my sister Morgen was on my right when we stepped over that line together.  To say it was a surreal moment is an understatement. But I learned something  as we crossed the victory line, something I carry with me till this very day.  Michael Douglas says it best, “Cancer didn’t bring me to my knees, it brought me to my feet.” So let me introduce myself again. I’m a fighter, I’m a survivor and I’m the proud owner of one real breast, a uniboob if you like and yes, one fake boob. I certainly found my sense of humor early on in this battle. My sister Morgen wouldn’t have allowed me to be any other way quite honestly. Morgen she’s a fighter herself, a fellow spoonie battling lupus. She looked me right in the eyes and I knew we woul...

“If you could change you fate, would you?” It’s a fascinating question asked in one of my favorite movies, Brave. I love Merida, she’s a spitfire, strong, sassy, opinionated and of course a redhead too. Merida’s also very determined to write her own story. As the tale of Merida plays out she is given a choice to make, she can change her fate or not.  She is warned by the Wise Woman but she fails to understand, “Fate be changed, look inside. Mend the bond torn by pride.”  In the process by working to “fix” her life, the fate she’s been dealt, everything in Merida’s life falls apart.  The fact is it’s not what she wants that ultimately sets her off course, it’s in the way she attempts to get it. This is the thing we fail to realize many times, “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” C.S. Lewis nailed it right on the head didn’t he?   I have thought about what life would have been like without breast cancer many times. Beli...

Breast Cancer Awareness Month Begins... October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. If I’m being real with you I have to admit October is one of those months I don’t know how to feel about. On one hand I find myself nauseated by so much pink. After all I personally do not identify with the color pink. On the opposite hand I am strangely comforted by the color pink everywhere. It's an awkward combination of UGG and AWE for me. Despite the internal struggle, I am however very thankful for the awareness this month brings to such a devastating disease.  Yesterday, it struck me how far I’ve come and I found myself reflecting. I mean it’s been a decade, a full 10 years God has graciously given me since I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer at the age of 32.  I’ve lived a whole other lifetime since that fateful day. Talk about a wake-up call. Invasive breast cancer was not something I had on my bucket list, wasn’t even close to being on my radar. Let’s be re...