Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

“I am brave. I am bruised. I am who I am meant to be. THIS IS ME.” ~The Greatest Showman  Chronic illness is a pain in the butt. Especially when one comes out of left field and smacks you up side the head. There’s no nice way to say or get around it. Chronic illness is a bully. And if you have or love someone with a chronic illness, you get it. I’m not gonna sit here and tell yoo lving every day with a life altering illness is heroic. It’s not. There’s nothing romantic about it. Jamie Wingo spells it out perfectly. “It’s not just pain. It’s a complete physical, mental and emotional assault on your body.”  Chronic illness is exasperating, annoying and irksome. That’s really what it is. And yes, it can be challenging too. Most of us within the spoonie realm will tell you straight up, we prefer keeping our vexing and at times aggravating diseases out of the spotlight. We spend a lot of our time concealing our troubles. Think of it as camouflage. Not everyone nee...

“When you go through tragedy, you can either let that destroy you and you become bitter and never let it go, or you can let it make you stronger and let it make you grow.” ~ Evanescence The reality is life's not a bed of roses. If anyone taught us this, it’s the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland. For all the roses she had, she was still angry, bitter, broken and never happy. Life can deal us tragedy, pain and hurt just as much as it offers hope, joy and happiness. It all comes down to how we decide to play the hand we’re dealt. Personally, my life has been a constant struggle. I’m not just talking the physical disadvantages or disabilities either. I’m speaking of spiritual battles, emotional scuffles and mental brawls. Life is difficult. There's no other way around it. My children have learned this first hand. As life has had it, they’ve wrestled their own demons to the ground along the way. Jane Campion shares a wonderful perspective. She says this. “Tragedy mak...

“In this house we don’t give up.” It’s our motto, our hakuna matata you could say. Being a young mother diagnosed with TNBC in 2006 was shocking to say the least. But it was downright absolutely frightening for my children. They were babies really. Joshua was 9, in third grade and Micah was in first grade just turning 7 the week I started chemo. You can say this wasn't exactly  how I saw our story playing out myself. That in mind I can just imagine mommy having cancer wasn’t anything like Goodnight Moon for the boys either. Breast cancer, isn't a fairy tale of heroics and martyrs. It’s a battle to the death, for life. Either cancer is going down, or you are. It’s just that horrifically simply. When I look back on my life, on my kids and their battle with my disease I’m amazed by their bigger than life brave hearts. They are what we call co-survivors. Why, well because they too were fighting the beast right alongside me. Literally, “my kids were my heroes through it all.” ...

Taking a look back, it was ten years ago I crossed the finish line during our first breast cancer walk. I was fighting the beast at the age of 33. Hand in hand, arms up with my family and friends we stood united. Johnny was on my left and my sister Morgen was on my right when we stepped over that line together.  To say it was a surreal moment is an understatement. But I learned something  as we crossed the victory line, something I carry with me till this very day.  Michael Douglas says it best, “Cancer didn’t bring me to my knees, it brought me to my feet.” So let me introduce myself again. I’m a fighter, I’m a survivor and I’m the proud owner of one real breast, a uniboob if you like and yes, one fake boob. I certainly found my sense of humor early on in this battle. My sister Morgen wouldn’t have allowed me to be any other way quite honestly. Morgen she’s a fighter herself, a fellow spoonie battling lupus. She looked me right in the eyes and I knew we woul...

Breast Cancer Awareness Month Begins... October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. If I’m being real with you I have to admit October is one of those months I don’t know how to feel about. On one hand I find myself nauseated by so much pink. After all I personally do not identify with the color pink. On the opposite hand I am strangely comforted by the color pink everywhere. It's an awkward combination of UGG and AWE for me. Despite the internal struggle, I am however very thankful for the awareness this month brings to such a devastating disease.  Yesterday, it struck me how far I’ve come and I found myself reflecting. I mean it’s been a decade, a full 10 years God has graciously given me since I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer at the age of 32.  I’ve lived a whole other lifetime since that fateful day. Talk about a wake-up call. Invasive breast cancer was not something I had on my bucket list, wasn’t even close to being on my radar. Let’s be re...

Have you ever wondered where our silver linings come from? Why some folks can easily find one and others can’t? Maybe it’s a gift we are given, maybe it’s an inheritance or maybe we have to find them all on our own. No matter how we come into ownership of these brilliant and beautiful treasures they are magnificent indeed to behold. I know how I came into mine, and why I’ve held onto it all my life. It goes something like this… Anyone who knows the Dowling - Olachia clan will hands down inform you we're a Disney family. It's just in our DNA I guess. Maybe the "whole whistle while you work" concept is so ingrained in us  we have no problem finding our silver linings haha. That said it shouldn't be a surprise our family's favorite quote, our motto of sorts, one we hold near and dear is from a Disney movie. Those who know us well will tell you without hesitation it's from Micah’s favorite movie, Lilo and Stitch. It goes something like this, “This is my...

If I have learned one thing in my 41 years it’s this, life is full of uncertainty. From one day to the next life can and will take different turns. Life can bring good news one day and sorrow the next. Our joy is not linked to uncertainty or in the fear and worry of a sudden detour life maps into our route. Joy is a certainty despite the fears surrounding us. I sometimes think we tend to confuse happiness with joy. We are not guaranteed happiness. Why, well happiness is a feeling, joy on the other hand is something deeper, it’s something we chose in our circumstances, good or bad. We can run around like Chicken Little yelling the sky is falling, be a woe is me kind of person, blaming everyone else for our predicament and allow a curve ball to destroy us or we can take a deep breath, and let the pieces fall where they will. Everything sorts itself out eventually. The reality is we do have the ability to walk with confidence even when life has gone haywire. It all comes down to ...

Eight years ago I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer. To say life handed me a curve ball is a gross understatement. I was devastated, in shock and lost for about a week. I spent my time replaying those four little words trying to figure out my next move. I looked around, wondering, what was the point of any of it, cancer at 32 years old, married less than a decade to the love of my life. I'm an only child, what was this going to do to my parents? And our boys, oh, and what this monster was going to steal from them. But in asking myself those questions, I realized I had much more to fight for than just my own life; I was fighting for my all of my family, for my children and their futures. Besides, who was this tipsy, drunken beast anyway, trying to tell me what to do and where to go? Huh, that wasn’t going to happen, not if I had any say in the matter! Anyone who knows me knows I’m a fighter, I don’t give up easily and cancer was not going to take me down without a ...

What has cancer taken from me? Well honestly this is a very loaded question. If we look at just the surface we can find many, many things…like for starters my breast? I can tell you this one was not easy to let go of. Seriously I was not keen on this detour life offered me. I did not go into the O.R. skipping while whistling a joyous tune I can assure you! It was not like I said yepee and accepted an invitation to Cinderella’s Ball or anything like that. Nope it was more like losing my glass slipper on the way to the ball and walking on broken glass the rest of the way to get there. The truth is I knew if I did not walk through the shattered glass beneath me on my way and let go of my breast I would have had to let go of my life. Yes I lost my hair, my eyebrows, and my lashes (Not ideal for a princess. I mean seriously how does the crown stay on?) And I lost time with my children…time watching them grow, giggle and laugh through what was supposed to be an ideal childhood. But ...

If losing a breast seems like a nightmare, well the process of gaining it back is just plain hilarious. Seriously when I first lost my breast to this cancer I was in shock. I was young, full of vitality and plenty of cleavage! I wasn't Ms. Hottie or anything like that but I was confident in my very own over flowing feminine boobie cleavage. Yep, that's right I said it, boobie cleavage. Life was really good, then I inadvertently bought a ticket aboard the uniboob express. Let me tell you the path my life took afterwards changed forever. I have been buckled in tight with my nails dug into the upholstery ever since. Three years after losing my breast I have not fully completed the process of re- building my breast. I have the makings of a nice, new, firm, happy breast yes, but not all the bright shiny parts just yet. So to say this train is overdue is an understatement. I have been down this road, taken more detours than I would like to admit and tried my best to figure out which...