Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

  Writing has been a large part of my journey. It's brought joy, happiness and healing. But all journeys come to an end. For me, the time for words is gone and the time for living in the moment is here.  Each of our individual journeys tells a story. Stories weaved from our experiences. You could call it a collective of our imperfections, deficiencies, success and triumphs. Our familiarity and shared circumstances, adventures and encounters connect us. And for the last 18 years I've shared many of mine here. Some good, a few bad and many in between. Each has given me the ability to work through my demons, shortcomings, fears and uneasiness. Every entry has led to this one…my last. Now, don’t get me wrong. It's not that I don't have more stories to tell or experiences to learn from. Indeed, I do. I've simply reached a place of quiet and still reflection. A time to recall the past and prepare for the future and ultimately decide what I’m leaving behind.  Words or acti...

  I’m an optimist. Always have been, and always will be. It’s just who I am. I like to see the good in people and situations. I try to look past the negative. Not that I don't have moments of doubt and skepticism or hesitation. I do. I’m a realist too. I understand that not everything is going to come up roses. However, just because I have moments of confusion or uncertainty doesn’t mean I lose hope. I always have hope.  Some folks ask how I keep a smile on my face, especially when I’m at my lowest. I’ll be real with you here. I may be an optimist, but I’ve learned how to hide my pain and smile through it. Sometimes it’s easier to smile rather than explain. Chronic illness has taken a lot from me. Especially in the past 3 years. Surgeries, loss and grief have taken their toll. Estrangement has broken me. And yes, I feel every pin and needle prick drawing more and more energy from me every day. Still, I smile. Why? Because I have hope that whatever the outcome, I’ll find peace ...

  So, what does it mean to be chronically ill? What’s a spoonie? And what the heck is spoon debt?  Why are some folks called muggles and what exactly is mu ggle sick? Well, those are all pretty good but loaded questions to be fair. I’m no expert, but I am familiar with the lingo. Why? I’m a spoonie. Not a muggle. I have sick days and I have good days. I have flare ups, brain fog and just plain I can’t days. Truth is I’m long past muggle (normal) sick. And no, I don’t look sick to most people. In fact, if you’re not inside my inner circle you’d have no clue what it takes just to get up and out of bed most days. Not to mention the energy required for a shower. I go into spoon debt often. If not daily. I’m always borrowing spoonfuls of energy from one day to get through the next. Hence the words, “spoon debt”. And no, I never quite catch up.   My tired isn’t muggle tired. When I say I’m drained I don’t mean a long day, a few hours of sleep kind of worn out. I mean somet...

  “When you finally go back to your old house, you’ll find it isn’t the old house you miss, but the love that filled it.” ~ Unknown    This house is my home. It’s small. But I’ve never needed more than I have. She’s a good house. Filled with love and warm, cozy memories. Like many homes her age, she’s a bit weathered. She’s seen more than a few tragedies. Mopping the floors with her tears, this house has in turn filled each nook and cranny with hope. Sure, this house is slightly discolored, her paint’s chipped around the edges and if you look closely, you’ll see where she’s peeling. She’s patched up here and there, and she’s missing a tile or two somewhere I’d imagine. But while she’s a bit tattered, her foundation is still strong, and steady. She’s really quite marvelous in the morning, so quiet and still. I love how the sun shines through her windows, filling every room with warm, soft beams of light. And oh, what a sight she is when the sun goes down. Even aged and mel...

 “There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise.” ~ W.E.B. DuBois  My whole life people have second guessed me. It’s just the way things are. At this point, I really don’t mind so much anymore. And for what it’s worth I’ve learned to accept it. There’s always one reason or another I’m forgotten or left out. Sometimes there’s not even a rational answer. As for an apology? Who apologies to someone they can’t remember? The truth is, being out of folks' minds isn’t so bad, not really. As far as I’m concerned being clean out of a handful of particular folks' minds isn’t such a bad deal anyway. Besides, “some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons.” And as far as I’m concerned, I’m good with that.  But the why? It's a good question. Just don’t ask me why I’m one of those invisible souls. I couldn’t tell you if I tried. I’ve pretty much spent my life disregarded and unappreciated by a good many folks. Overlooked, ignore...

“We don’t grow when things are easy. We grow when we face challenges. “ ~  Unknown Life isn’t exactly a Disney movie is it? Doesn’t matter how hard we wish upon a star, the happily ever after fairy-tale stories of our imaginations don’t quite exist do they? Why? First of all life is hard, any way you look at it. Secondly, not everyone can marry a real-life prince like Meghan Markle or save a princess from a villainous Queen. I know it’s a bummer, right? Come on now though, there’s only so many crowns and monarchs to go around. I‘d say Disney has cornered the market anyway. Out in the real world, life is raw and difficult. Let’s be real y’all. If any two unwanted and uninvited fairy-tale villains were going to show up it’d be Pain and Panic, coming off all innocent and reporting for duty only to cause chaos, right? And they never show up alone either. On any given day these two have gotta host of unpopular and unfortunate mood killers in tow behind them. For now, th...

"Every test in our lives makes us bitter or better, every problem comes to break or make us. The choice is ours whether we become victim or victor." ~ Unknown This month marks my 11th year recognizing BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH. To be honest the color pink is not really my thing these days. I'm more than a number and far more than any color can define me. I'm a Survivor, and as such I understand the importance and necessity of honoring and recognizing all those who have fought and won this battle as much as remembering the lives of those taken far too soon. And so today I want to share some personal thoughts with you. Truthfully, I'm in a much better place than I was a decade ago. I've learned to accept my scars and to live free from fear. But this hasn't been an easy task, let me tell you. So today, why don't you come with me, back a ways. I think maybe it's time my story is told fully, not as a victim but as a woman who's com...