Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

"If you want to find the right road, follow many paths, be willing to try new things and don't be afraid to change the direction along the way. Leave your doors open."  ~ Anonymous It's unbelievable for me to fathom today my baby turns 18. Today he officially becomes an adult, a man in the world's eyes but in mine he will always be my baby boy.  Seriously eighteen years ago today I gave birth to our second born. I had no idea then how fast time would fly, and how much this little baby would change our lives forever. How could I know our Micah would challenge me to think so far outside the box or how he would inspire courage within myself in ways I never dreamed? And yet he has, over and over again. From early on we knew our son was authentic, genuine, the real deal and most definitely divergent. We saw his life, his direction moving towards a much less traveled path. Micah was not different, he was his own person, unique and contradictory in every wa...

“Legends are born in November.” ~ Anonymous I learned this very lesson during November of 1996. Yes, twenty years ago I became a mom… for the first time I might add. In the days before Joshua was born I was scared, excited and completely unaware how much my life was about to change. Sure I knew life was never going to be the same again but I never dreamed how infinitely it was about to. I knew what I’d been told by other moms. You know the old no sleeping, "don’t do that, but do this" speeches. I was ready for all that, but what I wasn’t fully prepared for was the ache I felt inside my heart. I had no clue the unbearable yet beautiful pain I’d feel loving my child more than myself.  How do you fully explain how a child changes you? I don’t know if anyone can really except to say your lives are turned upside down, changed and completely different within seconds. From the very moment we first heard Joshua’s newborn cries Johnny and I knew our lives would be forever alte...

Taking a look back, it was ten years ago I crossed the finish line during our first breast cancer walk. I was fighting the beast at the age of 33. Hand in hand, arms up with my family and friends we stood united. Johnny was on my left and my sister Morgen was on my right when we stepped over that line together.  To say it was a surreal moment is an understatement. But I learned something  as we crossed the victory line, something I carry with me till this very day.  Michael Douglas says it best, “Cancer didn’t bring me to my knees, it brought me to my feet.” So let me introduce myself again. I’m a fighter, I’m a survivor and I’m the proud owner of one real breast, a uniboob if you like and yes, one fake boob. I certainly found my sense of humor early on in this battle. My sister Morgen wouldn’t have allowed me to be any other way quite honestly. Morgen she’s a fighter herself, a fellow spoonie battling lupus. She looked me right in the eyes and I knew we woul...

Life Lesson # 62:  Raising strong –willed daughters to fly. There’s no doubt “I am my mother’s daughter. I am her only novel” so beautifully said by Marge Piercy.  Thinking about my mom’s birthday this coming week, it’s like a rush of beautiful memories flowing out from a volt that’s been locked away. I am my mother’s reflection, her mini me. Growing up, looking up to my mom as little girls do I wasn’t aware of how much I mirrored her. My mother’s beauty and grace always took my breath away. She was and still is my inspiration and I her baby girl. If you asked her today what I was like as a little girl, she’d tell you without a second thought, I was strong-willed. I kept her busy running around singing, jumping off the couch, building forts and dragging her off into faraway lands inside my imagination. I remember sitting in awe when the hope chest was opened. Standing there dancing in front of the mirror like a fairy princess. I’d brush my hair, place her old prom...

Life is such a crazy, beautiful mixed up mess isn’t it?  Personally, I’ve never fit into a box and truthfully I don’t ever remember worrying about it.  I never wanted to be normal. I was happy coloring outside the lines, being the nerd or geek who spent her day’s slaying dragons, conquering Lex Luther and Toy Man, following Frodo into Mount Doom or simply lost in a book for hours.  I was the girl into Dr. Who before it was cool. I lived and breathed comic books, jumping off dressers yelling “Wonder Woman” and singing to myself. I was THAT girl.  Reckless, abandoned and free in a world chained to ordinary, I was brought up to believe I could be anything or anyone I wanted to be.  I was different and that was a marvelous trait as far as my parents were concerned. They supported my creativity and encouraged my never-ending journey into imagination. To let sparks fly, to own who I was and not apologize for it. My feet were never on the ground, but my ro...

Today I celebrate my 37th birthday. I had to stop today and ask myself where did the time go? When did life pass by so quickly? When did my precious boys grow up so fast? When did I get old? Well it all happened while I was living life, taking care to grab each moment by the horns. Time passed while I giggled and ran through my childhood. Life sped forward as I sipped tea with my Daddy and as I had my hair brushed by my Mom. Life just kept creeping up on me as I said I do to my husband and gave birth to each of my children. Breast cancer came and took what she could from me and though she took a good many years she never took moments from me. These moments of my life are precious, held deep inside my heart, held gently and cherished each and every day. I know life is a battle ground and I know some days are losing battles but every day is worth is the effort. Every day is new, a time to embrace the beauty and the pain, every hour a new chance to give thanks for the unending hope we...

I woke up today with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. Why you ask? Well it is Micah's birthday. His tenth to be exact. Again you may ask why is this such an exciting day? Outside of the obvious? Hummm .... let me tell you. Three years ago, in March of 2006, I was facing chemo. I had already made it through, a surgical breast biopsy, the loss of my breast, lymph node removal, and the beginning of breast cancer reconstruction. I was going faithfully twice a week to have saline pushed into my expander. It was painful enough having this strange foreign device stuck under what was left of my skin. But then the added bonus was the saline push to stretch my skin in order to accommodate my implant. Just when I was feeling there may be an end to my nightmare, I was hit with chemo. No one thought it has actually made it into my nodes. So my reconstruction process came to a holt . I had just had my third surgery in three months and I was worried about how this was all affecting my c...

My Joshua is 12 today. I just have to stop, and let it sink in.... Unbelievable. Has time flown by so quickly? Where did it all go? Joshua was just 9 when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. He was in third grade. We had just moved into our first home. I had just thrown him an out of sight Dinosaur party. He was still so young, innocent and untouched by real fear and worry. This year as Joshua turns 12 he has entered the 6Th grade. We have been in our home for 3 years and his party has no theme. For the most part Joshua is still innocent and young. But unlike before, worry and fear have taken up residence ---even if it is only seasonal. Indeed, life has changed. For better, for worse? Both I would have to say for I do not believe you can have one with out the other. Life's little lessons have big punches don't they? Joshua, my precious son, a boy becoming a man ,is kind, good natured, tender hearted and loyal. He has stood by my side through it all. Taken my hand when I least e...