Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

How often do we get caught up in the running of our day to day lives? We run here, there trying to the best of our abilities to be everywhere. We take care of the kids, our husbands ( and wives) and anyone else we feel needs us that we simply forget to take care of our homes? Let me tell you it happens more often than any us would like to admit. Before we know it we are worn out, worn thin and unable to extend ourselves any further than our beds. So as I have pondered this theory this week I spent time cleaning, sweeping, dusting, moving things around and re- organizing my house. Talk about dirt, clutter and piles of unorganized junk! I moved from one room to the next, one day at a time literally. For months I had been hiding away deep inside my own skin, away from the outside world and my cleaning supplies! I had not realized just how out of whack my home was getting or for that matter how out of balance my soul was becoming. Isn't it the way it goes though? Life takes a bite out

Where do I start? Do I really want to open this chapter right here, right now? No but ( this word seems to always make me see reason) I need to. This is our world, our life right now. The truth is I have been hiding. The last four weeks have been a struggle to say the least. Life has taken my little family and I down a dark and definitely scary road. One detour after another has led us deeper and deeper into the woods of despair... When did it begin? Well it all began back in the late part of July. My husband Johnny, bless his heart, came home with a look of fear and disbelief on his face. For days he seemed to be struggling with something though what I did not know. He was very quiet and way too attentive to me, even watching a musical with me claiming he actually enjoyed it. He began by looking me in the eyes, though he had had a beer or two by now I could see the depth of distress in his eyes. Then he told me he had something he needed to tell me. All I could think was oh no, here

Life is constantly changing is it not? Just take a look around you --- the sun never fails to rise or to set for that reason. Seasons change from winter to spring bringing both warmth and cold to our faces. The tides turn, the sands recede, the wind blows and the rain falls. Life definitely moves forward whether you are ready for it or not. This I know is certain: Rain or shine we must bend with the wind or we will be broken by the sheer might of her force. You may be asking how I can speak so matter- of- factly? How can I be so open with my life and suffering? Why have I made my life with breast cancer an open book for all to see and read? Well the truth is I have watched the last three years of my life carry on with or without my approval. Oh yes I have seen the monsters under my bed and believe me they are just waiting to pounce! On most days I am able to hold the bed down but there are others when one or two escape. Believe me I have lived through being dragged from my bed and out

Ever feel as if you have fallen down a rabbit's hole? You know what I mean... it happens on one afternoon when you are just lazily strolling outside. You hadn't meant to find it but you did right?Out of nowhere you found an odd little hole and yes this is where you decided to just take a peek. After all it is just a bit curious... seriously what could it hurt right? Let's just see what may be inside it, just a peeksy. Hum... what could this bit of a nuisance be? It's just the tiniest of lumps. Never mind... "Alice, oh Alice are you listening to me? Yes, yes of course I am. Well, looky there! It's a white rabbit with a watch and he's telling me he's late. What on earth could he be late for? What? I am overdue... no you are over due! Very important, what could be so important? Oh well, maybe I should have kept my mammogram appointment six months ago? Well no bother.... oops!" The next bit of insanity follows when curiosity grabs t