Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

Yesterday as I wandered the aisles and through the shelves of our library I was reminded of a very powerful conversation I had with my son Joshua a while back. He was all of about 10 years old when he sat down next to me announcing he had come to an interesting conclusion. What was it you ask? Are you sure you are ready for this one? As most things are with Joshua he very calmly, very quietly announced his conclusion : "Living with cancer is like being a ghost. " Now how do you think those words struck me? Well, let's just say I first had to pick myself up off of the floor and make sure I didn't have a concussion before responding. As I recovered I felt the emotion in his words. At just 10 years old he had already seen some of the worst cancer could muster our way. For a bit I just sat there holding my heart in my hands going over his words in my mind. "You know mom we are still here but it feels as if no one else is. Like we are so far behind everyone else. Do

Any cancer survivor will say it is a long hard road to remission. Many times before we know what has happened our lives have taken turns we never saw coming. The road of cancer is not an easy one nor is it one of complete hopelessness either. We are all given paths in this life to travel. Some are well beaten roads, some are clearly marked and many are simply unexplored. So what are we to do? Do we simply give up, give in, throw in the towel, walk away? What do you do when your specialist looks you in the eyes and tells you you have breast cancer? Suddenly our road is broken is it not? Don't we honestly feel as if we have been hit from all sides? Seriously how do you prepare for something like breast cancer? You don't, how can you? But I will give you this bit of advice from my own experience with this beast... it's what you do with your life after the diagnosis. Our world has completely changed and fair or not we have to change with it, rearrange our lives not to fit caner

I was reminded a few weeks back just how precious my children are to me. Now don't get me wrong I hold them tight every chance I get and of course they run as quickly as they can on many others. But I have to say spending time with them on the road, well it was rather enlightening. I have found a road trip brings out a whole new dynamic in a family and in many ways can either bring you closer or pull you apart. Of course it depends upon how you allow the pendulum to swing. As we traveled from here to there we shared stories, watched a movie or two or three, text until our fingers hurt, fought a few times but at the end of each day we were family. We drove through cities, counties and states, slept in crooked positions and fought off bugs as we ate sandwiches out of the van. Know what? We found ourselves again as we bonded over tuna fish and baloney, lemonade and diet coke and of course all while fighting off natures critters together. Our travels took us far and wide as we spe

So the last few months haven't exactly been my cup of tea. They haven't been a walk in the park, a day at the beach or a night on the town but they have taught me a few things. For starters I have seen the darkest part of my soul which isn't a pretty sight let me tell you. No one knows this better than I do, with the exception of my husband God love him. I have not been the easiest person to live with as of late while all this bedlam has been creeping to a boil. To be honest we all have inner corridors within ourselves and winding, twisting tunnels throughout our souls where fear and uncertainty live. I know because I found myself lost in a few of the very same ones within my own soul this last week. Coming back from the brink of what some may call " Christina's Melt Down" I can say I feel a huge load off my shoulders. You would think living through breast cancer was enough ? Nope, I had to go one better and actually wait until it was over and survived th

Many a day I have lifted myself up by my bootstraps, dusted myself off , placed my hat back on my head and kept walking with a smile on my face. On most days I am fully capable of just that. One breast, two breasts, no breasts as long as I could see the sunrise I have been able to stay the course through the darkest hours. Losing my breast kinda reminds me of when Captain Jack Sparrow walks out to port with two of his girlie friends, He keeps promising them they won't be disappointed then upon getting to the end of the dock they women respond by saying," Is that it? The Black Pearl. Not very big." Jack looks rather puzzled and says, "Love, that is a dinghy ( Kinda how I felt after my breast was removed) . My vessel is magnificent and fierce and huge-ish. And gone." Why is it gone? ( Again my old breast was just fine, and it was just gone in a quick clean strike.) Then his scandalous friend says, "Is that it there? " as she looks into the distance.