Life Lesson #244 ~ I’m No Princess!

 “There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise.” ~ W.E.B. DuBois 

My whole life people have second guessed me. It’s just the way things are. At this point, I really don’t mind so much anymore. And for what it’s worth I’ve learned to accept it. There’s always one reason or another I’m forgotten or left out. Sometimes there’s not even a rational answer. As for an apology? Who apologies to someone they can’t remember? The truth is, being out of folks' minds isn’t so bad, not really. As far as I’m concerned being clean out of a handful of particular folks' minds isn’t such a bad deal anyway. Besides, “some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons.” And as far as I’m concerned, I’m good with that. 

But the why? It's a good question. Just don’t ask me why I’m one of those invisible souls. I couldn’t tell you if I tried. I’ve pretty much spent my life disregarded and unappreciated by a good many folks. Overlooked, ignored, taken no notice of is a pretty typical day in my life or at least it was growing up. Now don’t get me wrong, my parents never, ever turned a blind eye or a deaf ear to me. But to everyone else I was just the sickly girl, infested with chronic illness sitting in the corner with a wild imagination and her nose stuck in a book. It’s just the way things were. 

Mostly though I’ve figured out folks just tend to mistake my soft, caring, quiet and at times shy nature as weakness. They see my chronic illness and assume I’m weak. They don’t understand the word ‘can’t’ isn’t in my vocabulary. I can and will even if I’m dragging myself onto the battlefield bloodied and bruised. I’m about as far from delicate or fragile as a living, fire breathing dragon might be. See, I’m no Disney princess. Never have been. Never will be. At this point in my life I know who I am even if the world around me doesn’t.  

So just who am I? Well, pull up a chair and take a seat. I’m about to let the cat out of the bag. I’m an odd soul. I’ve been carved out of both fire and ice. I’m a shieldmaiden, warrior, mother, wife, dreamer and poet. My spirit is young and my soul's old. Pain has definitely shaped me, but it hasn’t hardened my heart. I don't fear tomorrow. Why? Because I live to fight today. I get up every morning with a body racked full of pain, and still, I choose hope. I strive to be a brave and resilient kind of a woman. I stand behind a shield and I charge the field. I love the way Gurubogsa puts it. “Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak.” Believe me. I’ve known plenty of loud folks....those who beat their chests and call for war with shiny armor, but turn away and flee as soon as the first horn sounds. Want to know a secret? True courage isn’t loud. Real bravery isn’t pretentious. Genuine unyielding fearlessness is humble. 

Now look. I wasn’t born a princess or a queen. I don't have a throne or a crown. I'll never be the fairest in the land. I’m not going to conquer lands or rule over countries. I have no title. However, I will always stand beside those who fight for what is right. I will speak my truth. After all, there is no beauty without pain, no rose without thorns and no faith without trial. No matter how small you are or insignificant you feel, your life has a purpose. So, what if you’re not invited to the ball or asked to tea? If you’re like me, you may have even woken up to find everyone’s evacuated, turned the lights off and left you behind. What can I say? It happens. But I've got news for you. You can make your own way by allowing God to illuminate the road in front of you or you can sulk and pout and wither away. It's up to you. Martin Luther King said this. “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” And he was right. All you gotta do is take that first step out in faith and the rest will follow.

So where's my Disney twist fit in in all this? Well, let me enlighten you, if you don't mind. Ever heard of Aladdin and Jasmine or the Genie and Jafar? Say what you will about Disney’s live action Aladdin, Jasmine was one courageous woman. She took that first step without being able to see the whole staircase. Like a lot of us Jasmine spent much of her time overlooked, dismissed and feeling insignificant. I relate. I’m not only a woman, I’m a woman who shamelessly wields a metaphorical ax and a shield. Jasmine didn’t just wish to be a warrior or to both lead and protect her people, she woke up and slayed her own giants. And when she found herself up against the devil, she refused to be left speechless. I’ll tell you what, Naomi Scott’s vocal’s pierce my soul every morning. When the giants rise up, and the wolves are at my door, I’m reminded of just how powerful and meaningful Menken, Paul and Pesek’s lyrics really are…”But I can’t cry, and I can't start to crumble. Whenever they try to shut me out to cut me down, I can’t stay silent. Though they wanna keep me quiet and I tremble when they try it, all I know is I won’t go silent.” 

  

And neither should you. Go on. Let them talk about and doubt you. Believe me your scoffers are gonna laugh at you. Truthfully in the eyes of the world, you and I are never going to be good enough, smart enough or simply strong enough to be more than a cricket. But the world doesn’t know us, now do they? There’s a quote I love by an unknown author. I live by it. “Warriors are not always the fastest or the strongest people. Strength and speed can be developed through training. Warriors are those who choose to stand between their enemy and all that they love or hold sacred.” This is who we are. Warriors, shieldmaidens, berserkers. We may not be much to look at on the outside but we’re fierce on the inside. 

There's a reason the Bible says the meek will inherit the earth...we’re unseen but not unheard. We don’t go speechless. Sure, we’ve been through hell, but we know the way out. And that’s why when the chips are down and every loud so-called courageous soul has fled, we’re still leading the way. You see, we know what it’s like to be left behind, alone to extinguish unattended flames. We’re the unseen warriors slaying giants at the bottom of the shield wall. We’re the ones Stephanie Sparks speaks of…” I love when people who have been through Hell, walk out of the flames carrying buckets of water for those still consumed by the fire.” You and I, we don’t fear the fire because we’ve been made by it. 

Joshua 1:9 reminds us...“Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the LORD your God, am with you wherever you go." The truth is, life isn’t an easy journey. It’s tough. In fact, living takes courage. Why? Because life is downright grueling. People don’t always accept, appreciate or love us for who we really are. They see what they want to see, and ignore what’s good, pure, noble or simply what is right. Let’s face it, life is painful, people are distressing and our existence here can feel more like a cruel joke...miserable and unrelenting. Life in a nutshell is dreadfully tough and beautifully complicated. But you know what? As one unknown author says,“God closed the door for Daniel. He parted the Red Sea for Moses. He gave Sara a baby. He raised Lazarus from the dead. Nothing we face today is beyond His control. Trust Him.” 

So, I may not be a beauty queen or a highly decorated, ranking official and Lord knows, just like the title of Life Lesson #224~ I’m No Princess! However, I am a shieldmaiden and I will never go silent.

“She has been through Hell. So, believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into the fire and smiles.“ ~ E. Corona 

~Merida Grace