Life Lesson #197 ~ Go The Distance

I want a courageous heart, a heart that does the right thing even when it's afraid. " ~ Lauren Gaskill

I've always had a thing for heroes. I mean who doesn't right? As a little girl I was either out fighting along side my favorite heroes or inside reading about them. I loved them all from Batman, The Flash, Wonder Woman, Captain America, Robin Hood, Sinbad, Mr. Frodo and Samwise Gamgee and of course Hercules. Sometimes I'd pretend I needed saving. After all a little made up, make believe role play as a child is not so bad. But mostly I preferred to step into the role of champion, fighter and hero. I was taught as a child not to see myself in the same light the world did. Sure I was as a small, tiny girl with red hair, pale skin, blue eyes and freckles but I knew from reading Tolkien, "Even the smallest person can change the future." I was a book worm and a comic book nerd. I loved Disney, Barbie and Star Wars. I played with dolls, enjoyed tea parties and fairytales just as much as any other little girl my age. Yes, I loved sword fights, light sabers, masks with capes and building forts. I grew up in a time when this just wasn't the norm. Girls played with dolls and Barbie's and boys rode around on Big Wheels and read comic books. Not this girl though, that's for sure. I had my own Big Wheels, collection of comic books, a Barbie Dream House and more than my share of dolls, including Baby Alive. Think about it. I mean back in the mid 1970's gender roles were fairly preset right? The thing is I never knew this was a thing. And not because I was told to be this way or that way, my parents just never made it as issue. I was just allowed to be me. Sure I danced around in pink tutu's and ballet slippers but I also ran around in a superman cape too. See my parents never let me think anything could hold me back. They didn't just show me the world or give it to me, no my mama and daddy set it on fire with me. I wasn't just a spectator in life. Oh no not in the least!  I was taught to grab the bull by the horns and ride. I grew up understanding nothing in this life was set in stone or predestined. As a little girl my dad told me often I wasn't bound to be a helpless maiden needing saving. No, if I wanted to fly, to soar, to fight or to become the dragon itself there was absolutely nothing holding me back. Kinda like Meg in Hercules, I had a lot to say. I guess I still do for that matter. Long before Disney ever released this version of a time old tale, I wasn't afraid to think for myself. My dad taught me how to tie my own shoes and everything. And like Meg herself I knew  I could tell you straight up,"I'm a damsel. I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day." My parents continually encouraged me to be independent, strong, stubborn, odd if I wanted and yet still gracious and kind. I grew up in a home knowing I was capable of shattering whatever ceiling was above me, glass or not. I had no doubt I could be a soldier just as much as I could be a wife and a mother too. In the end I became a teacher, but no matter where life has taken me, I've always been sure I'd shake off any and all stereotypes attached if I was so inclined. And why? Attitude. It really all comes down to how you respond to a challenge and second, how you react to it. I could have come up either held down or made to define myself by a movement. I wasn't. Instead, I was given every opportunity and allowed to simply make my own decision to either to run with the big dogs or stay on the porch. And today as a mom of boys myself I've taught them the same. Joshua and Micah have no doubts, they can be anyone and do anything.

So is it really any surprise I had my boys watching Hercules on a VCR tape and no less on my grandmom's old console TV from the time they could sit up? I can still see their sweet little faces running around in pieced together costumes made from Power Ranger, Bible Man, Wolverine and Batman elements. Throw in a light saber or two and a few ninja swords and you have the picture perfectly. The reality is I was given the gift of imagination as a little girl, and I in turn gave our boys the very same gift. Life has always been entertaining for us and never without a dull moment that's for sure. As they grew up we never quite knew who was going to show up at meals. Sometimes a soldier would report for breakfast, some days a police man was sitting next to me at lunch and a few nights we had both Batman and Robin dropping in at the dinner table. Nothing was impossible or out of the question in our house. Magic was everywhere and imagination was our greatest inspiration. Whether it was Micah and I laughing and crying together watching the Fox and the Hound or Joshua snuggled up on the couch wrapped in his Woody and Buzz 'magic blanket' with Toy Story on repeat, our minds were always open to possibility. Of course sometimes the boys would simply want to conquer the African wilderness with Terk, throwing socks from the end of Nana and Paw Paw's bed pretending to trash the camp. Together we learned to discover the thrill of sailing across the universe with John Silver and Morph in search of Treasure Planet of course. And oh, the afternoons we'd go hunting for the Heart of Atlantis, keeping our own version of a Shepard's Journal along the way. The walls and halls of our home were never a stranger to swinging  swords or shields. We were brave, jumping on the bed never once timid when it came to pretending to jump off and onto Pegasus' back. I mean we most definitely needed to outrun Pain and Panic, right? And of course we'd sing at the top of our lungs belting out every word of Disney's Hercules, 'Go the Distance'. I'll tell you now, even after all these years, several times a year as we're standing at the foot of Cinderella's castle when the fireworks are going off you can still hear us singing along with Hercules. "I'll be there someday. I can go the distance. I will find my way if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong." So do I dare ask? I mean is there any doubt were a Disney family? I'm going to assume I don't really need to answer that one. I mean I totally grew up on fairytales and comic books. Seriously why would I entertain anything else when it came to raising my boys? Truthfully if you've followed me over the last decade not much of this is any real surprise to you either. Now If you've just found your way over here, you're probably getting the picture we're a Disney, comic book junkie and Star Wars kind of family. And yes if  you read through my blog often enough you'll eventually figure out I tend to speak in quotes of every kind. Now by that I mean I soak 'em up, apply them as needed and repeat. So today I'd like to share one of my favorite quotes with you. One I repeat a little too often for my adult children's liking I'm sure. It goes a little like this. "So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference." (Thomas S. Monson) Taking a moment to reflect over the last decade, the Uniboob Club became an extension of my heart and soul. Today it has transformed into Brave Heart, Brave Soul and I've sincerely found my place in this world of writing and expression. Truly I often speak of my family, my boys and the life we've shared together as I'm writing. To say we're blessed is purely an understatement. Yes we'd had our share of headaches, pitfalls and frights along the way. But you know what? After each quandary, we've been left with hope, humor and more than a few whoppers to tell, that's for sure. 

As they say here in the south most tales begin with, "You ain't going to believe this!" And that's pretty close to the truth when it comes to our family. I have to laugh when folks tell me I should write a book about our life. But the truth is you really do have to read it to believe it. Taking a good, long look at my life, our stories and this very blog over the last 10 years it's easy to see where our sense of humor comes from. Seriously so many of our hurdles over the last decade haven't handicapped us, instead they've rewarded us with endurance, strength and gratitude honestly. I mean who wants Triple Negative breast cancer stage 2 b? Living with one boob brings new meaning to the words lop sided for reals. Chemo, and the lack of hair can be amusing, if not entertaining on some levels. Add in recurring preterm labor and follow child birth with a stroke, plus a complete childhood built on type 1 diabetes, and a MRM with lymphadenectomy at 32 and we're really cookin' now. Just for fun why don't we stir in lymphedema and you've got a hot mess cookin' up don't we? And for a little added spice we'll just mix in major DVT during my teen years and all sorts of auto-immune diseases, including RA. Throw in a child on the spectrum and another with a TBI and seizures and life gets really interesting let me tell ya! So yes, I've often thought many of these how do you do's were about as useless as a hole on the head. Or if we're getting really smart and sassy about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand. But truthfully some things you just gotta let go of like water off a ducks back. The reality is as a family we've faced a lot together, the good, bad and indifferent. We've known loss, joy, sadness, happiness, and all at the same time even. When I am tempted to sit, my arms crossed and a scowl on my face, I hear Christine Caine's words drift into my self made pity party. It's as if God just strolls through pulling the curtains back and whispers, "Stop making what people did to you bigger than what Jesus did for you." And again if I'm still being stubborn and head strong I love how God uses my kids to kick me in the fourth point of contact if I'm still feeling sorry for myself. See when I'm at my weakest my comic book lovin' son Joshua often reminds me, "No one can win every battle. But no man should fall without a struggle." (Peter Parker) Raise your kids to be honest, not to say what's easy. Don't send them out to save the world, instead teach them to make the choice to be themselves. Show them by your example how to get up, to lose gracefully, and fight to come back humbly. And yes after being knocked down just keep showing 'em how to always speak the truth even when it's not convenient. Teach your children to be truthful in everything, to invite others on their journey with them and to never drag anyone along unwillingly. In doing this, I've found personally anyway, you'll never have to question your children's intentions or integrity. Sure, that honestly may come back to bite you in the butt on occasion especially those moments when you're looking for rainbows and unicorns. But the one thing you won't have to ever question is if you've steered them in the right direction. Guide them, challenge 'em and trust God. See even when your kiddos take a detour or two, kinda like Hercules does when jumping into the River Styx right? In the end, while he sacrifices his own life for another, he proves himself selfless, proving himself a true hero. Sure all seems lost. I mean our hero's door hasn't just been closed, it's been slammed, bolted shut and the key thrown away for sure darlin'! Ah...but has it really? Just like Zeus, in this particular version God provides a way for us and our children. Revelation 3:8 sums it clearly. "I have opened a door for you no one can close."

So yes, when I think of heroes, I really do think of my boys. What defines a hero? Well I think Christopher Reeve has a better handle on this than anyone. "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." So what words come to mind when you think of Hercules? Now I'm sure we all have our own ideas right? There's the original literature and of course the myth, several screen versions, Kevin Sorbo's  TV series back in the day and of course Disney's adaptation as well. I'm a fan of all of 'em but I hold a special place in my heart for the animated version Disney produced in 1997. Why? Well it's more than the fact it's Disney. I realize Hercules is very loosely based on Greek and Roman myth and to some was a disappointment. Still it has it's charm. I guess you could call me one of Herc's devoted fans. Again why? Well because our hero starts out rather clumsy, a little reckless but humble. He's brave even when he's not trying to be, always polite and of course selfless and exceptionally warm-hearted. He's even got a great sense of humor. I love how our hero informs us at a certain point he's beaten every monster he's faced so far. Oh and besides being famous, he's an action figure too! Despite everything going wrong around him he goes from "zero to hero." His side kick, Phil, in spite of not always seeing eye to eye with Herc, he never fails to remind him, "Giving up is for Rookies." In many ways this story reminds me of Ephesians 6:12. Think about it, "For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Seriously just like Herc here, the battle is real! And as parents we face it every day, fighting for our children's souls. Think of how many times as parents we are on our knees, praying for our kids? Hades sums it up truthfully when I think of Satan and our kids. " I've got 24 hours to get rid of this...bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, and YOU ARE WEARING HIS MERCHANDISE?" I'm serious through the years I've sometimes felt Hades line here, pointed straight at Panic and Pain could really be a live sequence in my own life. Just when you think you've reached easy street, BAM! Hades speaks and a volcano blows up. OK, now let me share this little tidbit with you. One of the many things I have in common with my boys is they're misfits and outcasts. And no, not because they're necessarily awkward, weird or odd. They simply don't play by any preset rules. They've never desired to conform but instead have chosen to live life redefining normal. And much like Hercules, Joshua and Micah in spite of being teased, bullied, undervalued, underestimated and absolutely underrated themselves have learned to go the distance. Sure Herc was known as Wonder Boy, Blunder Boy, Two legs and Sunspot but he knew the truth. "The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow." So very wisely spoken by Stephen Richards. See our boys haven't had it easy. Nope not in the least bit and they most certainly haven't taken any one of a dozen well lit paths either. What they have taken  is the long way around. I guess you could call them unsung heroes. Joshua and Micah both have their own minds, ways of thinking  and living life as they see it. I don't always agree with my boys but if I did I'd honestly question my own parenting. Each one of them have had their own difficulties and set of hurdles. They've been shaken to the roots, dealt with small minds, battled big egos and even had the screen door hit 'em where the good Lord spilt 'em. Our boys, well truth is they've been shunned, picked on and even beat on. Let me make this very clear though... our boys have risen up stronger each and every time. I know I've failed them through the changing seasons of life and let them down; but still in spite of the hard times, God has not.  Pain, rejection and failure aren't lessons any of us enjoy in life, that's for sure. still if I've learned anything from watching my children grow up in a side ways, upside down kind of world it's this: "We are not given a good life or a bad one. We are given life. And it's up to you to make it good or bad." (Ward Foley) Life can be a debacle, there's no challenging that but playing possum ain't going to make it any better now is it? Joshua and Micah aren't perfect and they won't claim to be. What they will tell you though is this: They've both learned to strike while the iron's hot. And when it comes to drama, you just gotta let it go. Seriously, no one can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear right? And no way do you want to throw the baby out with the bath water. Truthfully life isn't a cake walk, no matter how hard you try. Life is hard, plain and simple. Look at your own, heck take a good look at mine under a microscope and you'll see it's difficult and yet in all lie's imperfections is beautiful. For what it's worth, my guys have grown through the years to understand the validity of these profound words. "Accept your past without regrets, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear." (Unknown)

In closing I think as parents there comes a time when we realize we're no longer just teachers, but students right along side our kids. Like Phil, we can warn our kids and even drag them away from danger. But this doesn't mean they'll necessarily listen now does it? Sometimes they need to learn on their own, the hard way even and sometimes we have to learn right along side with 'em.  I've found this to be increasingly true as my boys have become men. In the last few years they've taught me so much more than I ever thought I could know. Through their eyes I've seen hope, strength, struggle, and just how important enthusiasm for life is. Joshua and Micah are not perfect, but they are genuine, authentic  and one of a kind molds. Despite the hardships and the difficulties both boys have learned to lead by example and to live in such a way they prove again and again a passion for life is just as important as getting over the hurdle itself. After all a lukewarm life is no good at all right? A.W. Tozer says, "God never uses anyone greatly until He tests them deeply." And truthfully looking around at the scattered debris left over from each and every battle these boys have faced I'm overcome and completely aware of the truth in those very words. They may be misfits, living outside the box but is that really so bad? I think maybe Zeus's words ring true here both in verse and in life. "A true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart." And so as I bring Life Lesson #197 ~ Go The Distance to a close I want to encourage every hero in training to keep dreaming. No matter where life takes you, I know you'll beat the odds. You can face the world and yes even if the crowds don't cheer, your heart will. Just remember, "When the devil whispers. You can't withstand the storm. The warrior replies, with God on my side, I am the storm." (Unknown) You got this kid, you are the warrior yes? And you will go the distance!

"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit." ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

~ Merida Grace