Life Lesson #474 ~ The Second Act

 

“It’s the second half that has the happy ending.” ~  Lisa Alter Mark 

I’m asked two questions, a lot.  The first one is usually, “how has your marriage lasted so long? “And the second is typically, “what’s your secret”?  Now, I could come up with a slew of quirky, clever, wisely inspired answers. And they would probably float. But honestly, there isn’t one answer or any particular secret to a successful marriage. 

So, how’d we get here? Better yet how’d we find ourselves at the beginning of year 27 together? Well, we didn’t just wake up one morning and have a flourishing marriage. That's for sure. No, our success has come through a ton of trials and errors.

The hubby and I don’t fit like a perfect mold. We both came into our marriage young with dings and dents. We’re extremely stubborn, hardheaded and difficult. Neither of us are saints. We’re two very different, flawed and imperfect people and that’s putting it mildly. While there’s no big secret to our happiness, the one thing we both know at the end of each, and every day is this. We’re not complete without each other. We’re pretty much two, salty broken eggs who happen to scramble well together. 

We certainly argue and disagree enough and no, we don’t always get along. But the one thing we do well together is love the other unconditionally. And the second, well we don’t go to bed angry. After 27 years, holding grudges, getting even or any tit for tat business is counterproductive. It does no good for anyone. Besides, we’re way too old for that nonsense. 

Cards out on the table. Marriage is hard work. It’s demanding and at times puzzling. Nothing about becoming one is easy. In fact, it can be downright frustrating and at moments heartbreaking. Ours has been all of the above. And if you were around 9 years ago, you know it almost got the better of us. But then the first act is always the hardest. 

For us the first step was accepting a good marriage happens when you both grow together. One person can’t do all the learning and growing alone. That causes resentment and bitterness. The second is understanding that a perfect marriage doesn’t exist because perfect people don’t. But good marriages do. They just take time and effort.  

One of the biggest hurdles we faced in our marriage early on and even later in life was expectations. Wanting the other to emulate what we thought we saw in others. That doesn’t work. Our mate is our mate, not someone else’s. If you want a successful marriage you have to stop being envious of everyone else’s ideal but non-perfect marriage or relationship and be present inside your own. 

Seriously. Movie romances are entertaining and whimsical, but they’re not authentic. Sets are built, extras are hired, lighting is rigged, scenes are filmed and brought to life by actors, and then the music is cued, and it’s rolled out to an audience eating popcorn. How many times a day does that actually happen in real life? Nada. Yes, movies are beautifully written, but so are our own stories, even if they’re raw and jagged at times.  

You see it’s all about the second act. And that’s where we are today. In the middle of our second act. Still warming up but mostly on cue, still a bit late but in it together till the last act and the final curtain call. 

~Merida Grace