Life Lesson #223~ Love of My Heart

“Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidence.” ~ Unknown  

Nearly twenty-three years ago I met the love of my life. Six months later I married him. To be honest I wasn’t exactly looking for love when love found me. But part of my plan or not, love still found a way. I was seriously in a place of singledom. And I liked it. I had just graduated college. I was working towards my future as an independent woman. I was eager to spread my wings and fly. Relationships weren’t on my radar, in any way. In fact, the idea of having a serious courtship was completely non-existent. Just thinking about dating gave me a headache. I’d decided I was better off being single and taking care of myself. I had things to do, places to be and people to see anyway. At this stage of my life being the other half of a some made up fairytale, wanna be twosome wasn’t happening. I wanted no part of being twain with anyone. Being in love was quickly becoming a distant memory. An idea, I’d put in my rear-view mirror. I was set on a different path for the time being. I’d get back around to dating, relationships, being an item and all, eventually... anyway. Just not then. I had some growing up to do first. I needed to learn to love and take care of myself truly. At 22, I wanted to see the world, teach, come and go and do things my way for a while. I’ve always been a sensitive soul. I knew I had a tendency to fall way too fast and absolutely too hard. The landing never seemed to stick. I was young, and fresh out of college I knew for a fact I was still way too dependent on my floaties in the deep end. Honestly, I’ve just always felt love and rejection deeper than most. Being in a relationship was no different. Graduating college, I knew I needed to learn to float by myself. Not to be so lost in someone else I disappeared myself. I was good at that. And so, I threw myself into work, church and friendships. I really and truly had to learn not to complicate life and love as much as I did. There’s something to be said for a woman knowing her own mind. If I missed someone, I had to call. If I had questions, all I needed to do was ask. If I didn’t like something, I most definitely had to understand I could say so. And if I loved someone I absolutely had to figure out how to show them without smothering them. Keeping life simple isn’t the easiest lesson, but it’s one of the most important. What I truly needed at that time was to find my own happiness, right where I was before I could dare look for it elsewhere or with anyone else. The truth is as little girls, even those of us who grow up as geeks and nerds, we all dream of fairytale weddings, being star crossed lovers and finding our own happily-ever-after's. I was no different. But at the time I wasn’t prepared for love in any way, shape or form, much less true love. So when my soon to be hubby walked into my life I wasn’t swept, I was literally knocked off my feet and left breathless and scratching my head.  

I can’t lie. I fell head over heels in love with this man. The one I call grá mo chroí...Irish for love of my heart. He found me hiding, behind one of my books, in plain sight. He was a mystery. I was an open book. We were definitely from two different worlds. I came with a loud Irish family. He was a bit more reserved coming from a Native American family. Johnny came into my life and made a home there. Every relationship in my past required me to force and rush things. Not with Johnny. He came into my life as easy and naturally as sipping sweet tea on a Sunday afternoon. And six months later I became Mrs. O in a quaint, intimate, very relaxed and romantic ceremony during the middle of a beautiful Texas springtime afternoon. We said our I dos outside underneath a canopy of trees, surrounded by loved ones. Our ceremony was honestly something right out of Robin Hood. Our wedding day was truly a beautiful if not spectacular day. Flowers hung, scattered bows glistened, and purple and lavender ribbons were strung everywhere. I could smell the honeysuckle in the air just as a light breeze swept across my face. I was nervous, there’s no denying that as I stood in heels, my veil covering my face grasping a bouquet of flowers in my hands. Still, nervous as a wet hen, I was somehow calm watching blooms falling softly from the trees above down on our guests. I was standing there in my white dress, waiting to begin my new adventure and I was calm. And you know why? Despite all the jitters, I was confident in the direction I was walking...down the aisle, on the arm of my daddy and into the arms of the man I loved. As I took my first step, something along these lines crossed my mind. Paraphrasing an unknown but perfectly stated quote, it went something like this. I heard my pride say...this is impossible. Experience chimed in... it’s risky. Reason was blunt declaring ...it’s pointless. But ahh my heart new better and whispered...give it a try. Twenty-two years later, I’m still learning to quiet my heart and listen. Looking back now 22 years ago this very today, if I’d listened to reason, or experience or even pride in those moments, I’d have missed out on the greatest love story of my life.    

If I’ve learned anything about love and life, it’s they’re both hard. Neither one comes with a manual. The hardships I knew before Johnny certainly pale in comparison to the difficulties we’ve since faced together. But then again, we’re invested in each other, our children, family, our life together and the relationship we share with God, together. We gave up on those failed relationships before ours for a reason. We were meant for one each other. Those relationships were never meant to come anywhere near close to what we’ve found together. And so, the truth is as bad as times have been, we’ve never given up. See a great marriage doesn’t just happen and it’s certainly not without its problems, that’s for sure. But this I know. “The couples that are meant to be together go through everything that’s meant to tear them apart and come out even stronger than they were before.” (unknown) No one has ever or will compare to the love Johnny and I share. No matter how it may hurt at times, God continues to bring us through all of it. My past is evidence of this and the same can be said of his as well. Before God miraculously joined our hearts as one, He first had to allow us to make mistakes. We had to experience disappointment in all the wrong places before we could recognize His hand in where He was leading us. Johnny, found so many parts of me I had no idea existed. But most of all, he wasn’t afraid of what he found. And so, I married not only the love of my life, I found the love of my heart in this man as well. I love how this is said. "Isn't it a beautiful thing how we find people who can make us feel so happy, even at the times we don’t believe in happiness at all.” I have no idea who said this, but they’re completely right. The reality is our life together hasn’t been all roses and gumdrops. We’re not a perfect couple, but we are a flawless match. Truthfully, it’s been doggone tough at times. We’ve faced some big adversaries together. Breast Cancer, job loss, financial difficulties, a child on the spectrum and another with a traumatic brain injury, the death of a parent, a mid-life crisis and the normal nonstop everyday problems marriage offers. But there is one thing neither one of can deny...the happiness we’ve found in each other and the life we’ve built together, one day at a time. Our marriage has been tried and tested time and time again. No one can debate that. But by God’s grace it’s only grown stronger. I’ve read, “No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.” (Unknown) Who could argue this? I'lt tell you this. No matter what has or will come our way I’m grateful for the love we share in both carefree and difficult times. I’d much rather go through the storms of life with the love of my heart, rather than without him. Facing the hard times together, is far better than having it easy apart. Ask any couple who’s faced the darkness but pressed on together, and they’ll tell you...this is life and it’s most certainly love. Johnny and I haven’t come close to an average relationship. First, neither one of us is humdrum so you can bet your bottom dollar we’re nowhere near being an ordinary couple. Secondly, while we may drive each other crazy, we’re ridiculously happy together. We balance one another. We’re each other’s little spot of comfort. We don’t do normal. But then, you have to understand our love story isn't typical either. I mean how many people meet, marry and stay happily that way for decades?   

Is our life made up of a fairy tale ending, riding off into the sunset? Oh, heck no! But let me be clear. If you ask me at any time of the day what or who makes me happy? I’ll tell you, in a heartbeat...his name is Johnny. The goal is not to appear happy, but to be happy. And this is what we all must learn. If we stand around waiting for made up happily-ever-after's, we’ll never, ever truly know or experience real, genuine and unconditional love. I’m grateful I found this out early in life. I definitely came into our marriage young, immature and completely unqualified. Yet together, we’ve grown up side by side, matured, learned, listened and with the help of our Father above, managed to not only raise a family, but hold onto each other along the way. 1 Corinthians 13:4 -5 tells us this. “Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs.” This kind of love takes a lifetime and then some to master, if at all. What I’ve learned in 22 years of marriage is this. No one is perfect or has a flawless relationship, no matter what they say. What I can tell you about our marriage though is this. As Mr. and Mrs. O we share an unconditional love. A love that despite the ups, downs and outright horrible, terrible days can still be pretty amazing. The real test of love isn’t in how happy we say we are. No anyone can pretend to be happy or even in love for a while, anyway. Real love and true happiness is found in the small, silent moments of discontent, when you realize it’s a choice, a way of life in spite of the circumstances.   

So yes, if you haven’t guessed, I’m a sucker for a good fairy tale. Always have, always will. But I also understand as beautifully written as they are, life is even richer but harder in real life. The art of communication is the only way through difficult times. And it’s also the only real foundation for any decent story. I recently read a quote by an unknown source. It says this. “Communicate. Even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal, is simply getting everything out.” This is where the real story begins...with honesty at the steering wheel. I don’t know about you, but in my world there’s not a relationship if communication isn’t present. Without it, be it a look, nod, laugh, smile, wink or the act of actually talking things out, a marriage won’t work. Good times are the best, are they not? But no relationship simply thrives on all things good. For a marriage to grow, you have to be willing to go toe to toe and roll up your sleeves and actually get dirty together. True love, the kind fairy tales are based upon are about vulnerability and letting ego and pride go. Right now, sitting here glancing across the room at my vast collection of books and movies along the walls of our library, one quote of Erin Van Vuren comes to mind. “You’d be surprised who the love of your life turns out to be. After all, Adventure fell in love with Lost.” The truth is Johnny and I are complete opposites, but we complete each other. No one could have foreseen or predicted a love like ours. All but one that is. He was the exception. God Himself was our matchmaker from the moment we were conceived. Johnny, a high school jock. A linebacker no less on his high school football team. me, a wallflower, geek and nerd who kept her nose inside a book most of the time. We were an unlikely match and as far from coming together as the east is from the west. Yet here we are some 23 years later...together.   

I’ve heard some may say all these stories and tales of mine are only for children. A few may think I’m too naive or even ridiculous to entertain such thoughts. Others may see my imagination as too vast and wild. You yourself might even think me a bit odd, needing to grow up and leave all these fairy tales behind. I beg to differ though. I realize there are those who feel Disney has given me unrealistic expectations about life and love. I guess that’s true in some ways. But the tales from deep inside Disney’s vault have also opened my eyes to immeasurable and expansive meaning within those same stories...just between the lines where most never think to look. You see, love is many things. Inside the pages of many fairy tales I’ve found them all to be real. Love is... waiting, sacrificing, finding the courage to face fear, embracing flaws, telling the truth, even when it’s painful, looking beyond status, and working to make other's dreams a reality. This is love. Love changes you, and always for the better. I will not sit here today and tell you our story has all been easy like some kind of cake walk in a forest of rainbows and unicorns, because it hasn’t. Marriage is hard at best. Difficult is a really good word honestly. Brokenness, hurt and disappointment are all part of the story but so is our joy, happiness and this unconditional love of Jesus Christ who’s guided us all along. Love, anyway you come to it, isn’t easy but if you are patient, love is worth every uncertain moment you face. Unpredictability, is the real backstory of any fairy tale, is it not? Cinderella didn’t see the life of a princess coming now, did she? Truly if I recall many of my favorite Disney princesses and their better halves, our marriage certainly hasn’t fit into any of those stories. Maybe because this is our story, not sleeping Beauty’s. I wouldn’t begin to compare our love story. Johnny and I aren’t anywhere close to Cinderella and Prince Charming, that’s for sure. Our personalities are probably much closer to Bell and Beast, Rapunzel and Flynn or even Giselle and Mr. Phillips. No, Johnny didn’t fight off a dragon or overthrow an evil queen or stepmother for my hand. However, he did steal my heart and wrapped me up in this adventure of a lifetime we call marriage. When I was ready to give up on love he gave me reason not to. He became my happily-ever-after dressed in a battered, dented, torn and tattered suit of armor carrying me off into the great unknown. He saw and loved me just as I was...stubborn, free spirited, hopeful, oh so flawed but brave. And I loved and still love him as he is...grouchy, funny, charming, handsome, calm and perfectly suited for me in every way. In my book, he’s my prince.  Johnny brought me back to life in ways no one else ever could have.  

And all these years later, we’ve learned to fight for one another...just as much as we’ve fought off our share of lowdown, dirty snakes and foul, malicious dragons. We’ve lost everything and yet gained more than we could’ve ever imagined possible. We’ve learned the art of communication and the necessity of forgiveness. Even as a weirdly fashioned grown up ‘I can save myself’ princesses, of sorts...or more or less a nerd...I’m loved... my weirdness and all. This is my happy ending. And while I truthfully don’t know how to love small, the love of my heart knows exactly how to love me just as I am. Colossians 3:14 says this. “Most of all let love guide your life.” And this we have done. Now how exactly we’ve made it here, only God knows. Honestly, no one but God would have matched the two of us. I mean seriously, who thinks to match up a daydreamer and a pragmatist? God certainly proved He had a sense of humor. And in retrospect how genius He is too. He brought us together for a reason. Today, some two decades later, there’s no doubt this love has been our guide and saving grace. You can say looking forward, Life Lesson #223 ~ Love of My Heart is truly the beginning of a new chapter. Yes, change can be risky as experience once told me. But it can also be beautiful and amazing if you’re willing to take the chance. Sitting here, looking back on the days gone by I see a hope for tomorrow and everyday thereafter waiting on us to catch up. Now, in closing this chapter of our lives, I know we’re ready to begin this next one grinning widely and shouting out loud...let the adventure begin!  

"When we get to the end of our lives together, the house we had, the cars we drove, the things we possessed won't matter. What will matter, is that I had you, and you had me." ~ Unknown 

 ~Merida Grace