Life Lesson #220 ~ One Last Stroll Down Main Street

“Cause you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever. But you don’t.” ~ Unknown

They say, “go where you feel most alive.” I say find your happy place, wherever that may be and go there often. And when you find it be content, untroubled, light-hearted and cheerful. Be all there in every moment...fully and completely. Don’t overthink or over plan. Just be part of the moment and make it yours. Why? Well truthfully we never know when a moment will be our last...when we’ll see a person or a place for the very last and final time. We live and we die. Nothing beyond is guaranteed. Everything in between is a gift. No one really knows when our time will be up, but we do know it will be... someday. And this is why it’s extremely important we find time for the people and places we love. Being in our happy place and better yet sharing it with our family and friends has the ability to truly fill us with joy and happiness. So today I have a question for you. When you think of your happy place what comes to mind? Is it clear blue skies, calm turquoise seas, green wide open spaces? Or is it something a little bit different? Maybe it’s a hot cup of tea, a good book and cozy chair. It may be a long drive with the radio turned up or simply an afternoon with your fishing pole by the bayou. And while I enjoy all of the above I’ve got to admit there’s nothing quiet about my happy place. It’s a bit crowded at times and loud usually. But when I’m walking through the gates of my happy place I feel I’m home. As the morning sun warms my face I feel a familiar lightheartedness fill my heart. Beginning my slow paced stroll down Main Street I’m aware Neverland isn’t a figment of my imagination but the residence of my hopes and dreams. It’s a place of magic and memories. In those moments I know without a doubt Neverland is not an impossible dream but my reality. When nothing is going right this is the place my mind wanders off to... my happy place. I remember one particular stroll down Main Street, USA  and as I do I’m able to face whatever it is knocking on my door. And when I think of my happy place I’m inspired to put one foot in front of the other. Yes, I want to get back there every chance I can! I want to fly through Neverland on a pirates' ship, speed through Space Mountain in a rocket, Soar around the world on a glider, step into an elevator at the Tower of Terror or fly on a banshee’s back through the world of Avatar. But more than anything, I don’t want to waste my days on the what if's. Some days are just miserably hard. But if I’ve learned anything as a breast cancer survivor it’s this...laughter and humor are bigger than fear.

Finding my happy place came on the eve of an ending. What does this mean? Well, let me explain a little bit. In June of 2006 I was about six months into my fight with stage 2B Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I was 32 years old and a young mother. My boys hadn’t even made double digits yet. I wasn’t given a choice when it came to breast cancer. Gabe Grunewald puts it in words easy to understand. “Sometimes you get to choose your battles and sometimes they choose you.” This is exactly how cancer operates. I certainly wasn’t looking for breast cancer but she found me anyway. And despite the chemo, countless surgeries, loss of my breast and all my hair, I found laughter to be my best friend. Cancer may have invaded my body but I knew the only way I would beat the odds was with laughter. Besides, life’s better when you’re laughing, right? I realize some folks often see us as a tad bit offbeat and goofy, but when it comes to my family, we do a lot of laughing. Jarod Kintz puts it this way. “Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing.” And so despite one of the most frustrating moments in all my life, we danced, and laughter took the wheel. It’s really true what they say. “Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” In the middle of such uncertainty my weird and odd sense of humor began adding life to an otherwise difficult, and some may say, lifeless situation. Nothing else might be in my control but I could laugh and I could live. And so I did. This is how our happy place became a reality.

What I know is this. Your happy place should feel carefree. Wherever it is, it needs to be that. And so Disney World became this for my family and I that summer. We laughed, played and made memories to fill a lifetime even though we weren't completely sure of what was ahead. It’s hard to believe this summer will mark 12 years since we took what we thought might be our last stroll down Main Street together. I still choke back tears thinking of those memories. I can feel the same emotions running through me as if I was experiencing it all for the first time. Each moment was bittersweet as those moments imprinted on my heart. Standing there, walking down Main Street with Cinderella’s Castle directly in front of me realizing this could be the last trip I’d make to this magical place was overwhelming. Honestly, tears blur my eyes even today as I write this. It’s an odd, peculiar feeling to wonder how much you’re going to miss a memory even as you’re experiencing it. I close my eyes and I can see the boys...smiling big, laughing, free from worry in those moments. Meeting Mickey, Pluto and Goofy seemed to transform the boys. The fear and pain of cancer’s touch dissipated. Joy dug in. Happiness exploded. The magic of Disney was everywhere and it had a hold of us too. Nothing about our trip in 2006 was anything but magical. It was a breath of fresh air. From staying at the Grand Floridian to the fireworks cruise out on the Seven Seas Lagoon this was the trip of a lifetime...one final magical moment together as a family. Our return to the real world was quickly approaching. Back to chemo and stares and worries of cancer awaited us outside the magical gates of Disney World. Our final evening unfolded and we took one last stroll down Main Street, USA inside Magic Kingdom. Tears burned my face. I looked around...saw my boys. They were laughing and smiling, running out of the Emporium with light up Buzz LightYear in hand. Cinderella’s Castle was beautifully alive with colored lights. I was captivated and enchanted by her final Goodnight Kiss. With music playing in the background I was spellbound by my surroundings. Truthfully I was capturing this moment. I wanted and needed to remember this moment. And then it happened. I fell apart for the first time since my battle had begun. My mama gently pulled me into her arms and wiped away my tears. I stuttered, barely understandable. “Please bring them back after I’m gone...this is our happy place.” I knew this would always be a place of happiness and memories that would bring smiles, not tears. I wanted the boys to remember this. It was in that moment my mama looked into my eyes and told me very confidently. “We will. BUT you will be with us, year after year after year. And in this place... we will celebrate your life...together.” It was in those moments we knew as a family no matter what happened or what the next year brought, Disney World would always hold these memories for us. This became our happy place.

When we returned reality was waiting. Three more months of chemo with the Red Devil. I was tired and sick, So much so I remember days I’d have to crawl up the stairs and scoot down. My 33rd birthday came and went but by then my taste buds were gone. Eating wasn’t very enjoyable. I was swollen and almost unrecognizable. In spite of all this hope took root. And in our daily lives, hope became so much stronger than the fear inside us could ever possibly dare to be. Terri Clark explains it clearly. “When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too.” We were all fighting the beast and she was desperate to take no prisoners. Our lives had changed, forever. I like this quote, I can relate to it fully. “There are moments which mark your life. Moments you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this.” (unknown) This was how it was for us. There was our life before cancer, and then there was this new life with cancer. The beast, I call breast cancer changes people. Cancer, all her difficulties and uncertainty can make us stronger and fiercer or they can make us bitter and angry. The choice is ours. This is the part of the battle we do get to decide. And that June we hunkered down. We began to fight back. I saw life differently...deeper and with greater hope than before. Life most certainly got worse before it got easier, that’s for sure. I mean nothing about cancer is easy. Chemo sucks, the side effects are even worse. Losing your hair, including your eyebrows, and lashes has a way of making you cry and laugh, sometime at the same time. Those days are honestly really tough. The pain can be unimaginable. In our house we fought and we pushed back against cancer hard. We loved and lived through the chemo and sickness together. We cried, worried and stressed out, side by side. But we also held onto hope and perseverance. We prayed and we screamed out to God on our knees...together. We called on the name of Jesus. As Beth Moore calls Him, “the all-glorious, saving, delivering, joy giving, devil defeating, death defying, hope reviving Name of Jesus.” He was with us then just as He is now. I look back on those moments and I know it was right then and there He was carrying us. Isaiah 41:10 was my go to scripture then, just as it is now. “Do not be afraid --- I am with you! I am your God -- let nothing terrify you! I will protect you and save you.” And He did, didn’t He?

Christopher Reeve once defined a hero this way. “A hero is a ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” My family has and will always be my strength. They truly became heroes in the midst of such outrageous and monstrous times. They carried me through the darkest days of my life. My family isn’t perfect but they are mine...my muse, hope, joy, aggravation, love, heart and always and forever my inspiration. They pushed me to a place where I realized if I could do cancer, I could do just about anything else life tossed my way. Cancer is evil. It’s just that simple. But it can’t take away who you are beneath the diagnosis. You overcome it by how you choose to live. With my family’s encouragement I chose to fight it with laughter and humor, living each day with intent. I love how Norman Cousins defines hope when it comes to cancer “Don’t deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict.” You see if you have hope, then faith can’t be too far behind. And once faith shows up well, that’s truly when miracles begin to take shape. Cancer could have been my whole story. She could have ended me but she didn’t. She was simply a chapter in my life. This is why I love revisiting my happy place. Today when I walk down the center of Main Street, USA, Cinderella’s Castle in front of me, I’m reminded of how far I’ve come. By God’s grace I’ve seen my boys become men. Everything else I see from here is icing on the cake. I write and reminisce so often for this very reason... it’s proof I’ve lived. Memories are inspirations' details. They sculpt and define each snapshot our hearts capture. Today, as a survivor, I’m thankful for the amazing life I’ve lived even if it’s been difficult. I’m here. Almost 12 years later... I’m alive and I’ve lived.

It’s been said, “It’s so strange how a single moment can change the world you used to know.“ (unknown) One moment changed my life. But how I chose to live in the moments following have defined me. Overcoming fear wasn’t an easy task but in death or life I know Isaiah 43:2 is true. “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” And so even in those moments I thought might be my last, strolling down Main Street, He was with me. I was never alone. Death could have come, and tried she did. But living in those moments, being there fully and completely was my salvation. So live in the moment. Don't miss the time you’re given. Cancer taught me to embrace the here and now...because no matter where tomorrow takes me, I’ll never be here in this very moment again. Laugh, love and enjoy each day life gives you. Find your happy place and make sure it’s one filled with laughter too. A day without laughter is a day wasted. R.M. Drake says this. “You have to find that place that brings out the human in you, The soul in you. The love in you.” And so Life Lesson #220 ~ One Last Stroll Down Main Street is a simple reminder to live in the moment. Make it beautiful. Not one of us knows when we will take our last breath. We don’t know the time or day we’ll be called home. I knew that morning, when I took that last stroll down Main Street, USA with my family it could be my last. But I learned in those brief moments to be mindful of the my life in every moment I had. I let go of wishing for things to work out differently. Instead I laughed, and lived and made memories with my family all while praying they would last longer than the lifetime I saw in front of me during the summer of 2006. Yes, cancer changed me but she also gave me a new perspective on life. She taught me not to be in such a hurry. She pushed me to slow down and to live intentionally. She opened my eyes to life, helped me find my happy place and gave me a bigger appreciation for the ones I share it with more than ever before. What I know now is this. Memories hold us together. Especially during the most difficult times. When we face the darkness, our core memories are always there to light the way. The best days of our lives make the worst ones a little easier. And so the next time you take a walk down Main Street, USA .. think of it as your last….live in the moment with those you love. Laugh in spite of running late. Be content. Be grateful for the life you have. Happiness will find you. After all, the real secret to a happy life is knowing you already have it.

“And then it happens...One day you wake up and you’re in this place. You're in this place where everything feels right. Your heart is calm. Your soul is lit, Your thoughts are positive. Your vision is clear. Your faith is stronger than ever. You’re at peace. At peace with where you’ve been. At peace with what you’ve been through. And at peace with where you’re headed.” ~Unknown

~ Merida Grace