Life Lesson #211 -Dig a Little Deeper

“And one day she discovered she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.” ~ Mark Anthony

Not everything makes sense. But not everything should I suppose. I for one can make my husband's head spin. The truth is we’re not the couple anyone expects. We’re as different and as wonderfully mismatched as they come. I’m a typical nerdy, book readin', comic book talkin', Star Wars lovin', Disney quotin', tea sippin’ Gospel singin', Jesus saved, southern cookin’, Texas raised gal. Johnny was the high school linebacker. His Friday nights were spent out under the lights of a Texas high school football stadium. Mine were spent inside books, with a Disney movie playing in the background. When Johnny and I met we were about as different as oil is from water. I was quiet and he was a fun loving flirtatious jock. Thinking about it we were as likely to end up together as Tiana and Prince Naveen from Disney’s The Princess and the Frog. Now that’s not to say I’m a fuddy-duddy,  I'm just cautious with who I let in. Johnny knew I had a seriously wicked side from the moment he met me and as time passed he came to love my silly, nerdy side. He still calls me his ‘Goof ' till this day. Now it goes without saying I’m not one to be predictable. But it keeps him on his toes and our life together rather interesting that’s for sure. I'm a quiet one, until I’m not. He’ll tell you himself, I’m one of those spitfire, feisty, wide-eyed dreamers with a wild imagination. Growing up truly southern, I’m a sass talkin’ Jesus lovin’ and sweet tea drinkin’, hallelujah shoutin’ kind of girl. I’m a fun-loving, adventurous, free-spirited redhead. One day I can be a daredevil, uninhibited and spontaneous and the next… a timid, reserved somewhat withdrawn wallflower in the background, barely noticed at all. I’m a woman comfortable in her own skin. Has it been easy? Not at all as a matter of a fact. Breast cancer has had a lot to do with that certainly. I don’t mean to find trouble but I usually do somehow. I tend to test my limits often, pushing boundaries, exploring new perimeters, rejecting the confines of any restraints when I feel caged in. I’m typically a curious soul when it comes to just about anything and everything. It may take me a little while to open up, but once I do you’re in like Flynn. From the time I can remember I’ve been a sensitive creature, headstrong, witty, determined and at times mischievous, always drunk on life. I may not have all the details worked out just yet but I’m workin’ on it, you can bet your bottom dollar on that one!  I was never like the other girls growing up, I didn’t want to be honestly. And anyone assuming I was has made their first mistake right there. Some four decades later I’ve grown into the kind of women who may be afraid but does it anyway. I don’t ride coattails. I am my own woman. And I won’t apologize for the life I lead. I don’t follow. I don’t compete. I am simply myself. You won’t find me living an imitation of someone else’s life. Love or hate me I blaze my own path. And that’s why I’m a writer I suppose. Paraphrasing an unknown author, “I’ve given myself permission to live a big life stepping into who I am meant to be. I’ve stopped playing small and started reaching for greater things.”

I grew up an only child. This is no secret. I was a quiet, but very wild child. As a little girl I fell in love with life simply by waking up every morning to the joy of my own. It had nothing to do with anything material either. My exuberance and energy came from the love surrounding me. I thought nothing of what I owned materially or my physical appearance. I was Christie with an i.e.. I had red hair, blue eyes and a sea of freckles across my face. I wasn’t exceptional but I was capable. Emma Stone is right on the mark. “I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.” And I guess this is how my mama felt too because it’s the exact mindset she brought me up with. Now listen, the truth is my imagination was as big as they come. Nothing was impossible or impassable in my book. I was given a blank canvas and a big old bag of water colors and crayons from the moment I took my first breath. Then I was set free, encouraged to fill in my canvas as I wished.  My daddy handed me the tools necessary to shatter any and all ceilings above me. I understood watching my parents... they were a team. It wasn’t a ‘Father Knows Best ‘ episode going on in our house, ever. Possibly an ‘I Love Lucy’ episode might have played out from time to time I’ll give you that. But mostly life was happening in real time, side by side. My father didn’t stand over my mother. He wasn’t always in charge but neither was my mama. They worked together in everything. Because of this I was never told where my place was or where anyone expected it to be either. Which is a good thing for this spunky redhead I suppose. Instead I was given the opportunity not only to find but make my own place in life and change it as I was so inclined. I learned to cook and bake next to my mama. She had me in the kitchen from the time I could hold a spoon. Sitting in my daddy’s lap I learned how to spell my name at the age of three. I was reading on my own by five. I discovered a deep love for music belting out songs as my mama played her guitar every day. I absorbed brilliant color day after day laying on my belly with scratch paper, coloring and paint by number books scattered across the floor. I dreamed of all the places I would go and the people I would meet one day. I built forts and played house. I carried around baby dolls and light sabers. I often set up my light bright pretending to be a telephone operator. Tea parties were always set and on time. More times than I can recount Barbie was an undercover agent. I spent a good part of my weekends either out on my skates or on my bike. Climbing trees was a must on any Saturday. And chasing Granny’s chickens back inside the coup was always entertaining and never a disappointment. Every Sunday afternoon I’d listen eagerly to my daddy reading comic books under our tent made from sheets. And I took in every Bible story I was ever told right before bed. I mastered the art of storytelling simply by doing one thing: starting with the one thing I was most afraid of. I danced my way through ballet and jazz, pounded away at the keys during piano lessons and sang next to mama in the church choir. I can’t say I’ve missed out on too much. I have had a very full, inspired life. I’m flawed but those very flaws are what make me who I am. I’ve always been encouraged to be myself and follow my own dreams. I’m a teacher today because my parents made it possible. I've not only become an independent woman with a degree but a writer, wife and mama myself because my parents gave me wings. And much as our hero Tiana was inspired by her father I have been too. The truth is my daddy has not only been one of my greatest fans but one of my most extraordinary if not most significant role models. Listening in as Tiana  speaks of her own daddy, I can almost hear my own father whispering, “Fairytales can come true, but you gotta make ‘em happen, it all depends on you.“ 

The Princess and the Frog is largely one of Disney’s best underrated films. To be honest it’s one of our family's favorites. Have you seen it? Well if you haven’t I suggest you get on that immediately! This movie has a wonderful focus on New Orleans culture, music and food in the 1920’s. Tiana has no desire herself for a cushioned life. She’s not looking to be rescued. Marriage just isn’t on her plate and becoming a princess is about as likely to happen as the odds of her kissing a frog. She has a dream. Her heart longs to open a high class restaurant with live music and good food. Her dream is for folks to come from far and wide, and miles and miles just for the opportunity to sit down and taste her cookin’.Tiana is exceptional and her story isn’t to be dismissed. Sure she’s not fond of kissin’ frogs but she knows the only way to achieve her dream is by rolling up her sleeves. She’s already wished on that star but she’s very aware it’s gonna take a lot of hard work for any of it to come true. Yes, she does end up kissing that frog and no, he doesn’t become a Prince, at least not right away. As Tiana’s story unfolds all kinds of mayhem is going on all around her, from Dr. Facilier, Mama Odie, Louis the trumpet blowing gator, Ray, the Evangeline - lovin’ firefly; and of course, Prince Naveen. Again if you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out is all I have to say. There's loss, voodoo, villains, heroes, obstacles, adventure, charm and of course romance. Both our penniless prince and hardworking , soon to be princess, Tiana spend most of the film as frogs in the bayous of Louisiana.  In the end evil is put in its place and yes, there’s a happily ever after. But again, only after hard work.  In my book Tiana earned her happy ending as we Oncers (ABC’s Once Upon a Time) call it. It definitely took elbow grease. She had to hold to her upbringing and all her mama and daddy taught her about ethics, hard work and overcoming adversity with a smile on her face. I love how this film reminds me of my daddy’s example. Now the truth is my daddy is a self -made man. He’s a Godly man and both an exceptional and good man. Hardworking doesn’t even begin to describe him. Because of his example I married a self- made, hardworking and good man myself. Both the men in my life have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and created an amazing, if not remarkable life for our family. Love and mercy are two of the words that come to mind when I think of the legacy my daddy will leave behind one day. And Johnny, he serves as a daily example to our boys that it’s OK to wish on that star above, but it still takes will power, determination and sweat to make it happen. I look at both these men in my life and I see struggle and accomplishment. One came from the side of Mobile, Alabama and the other from an Indian Reservation in Texas. One’s father was a Marine, the other an Air force pilot. One became an Airborne Soldier, a Green Beret and the other a warehouse driver. Both wanted more eventually becoming self made men, educated blue turned white collared professionals. Both had a dream turning determination into hard working elbow grease and took ownership of those dreams. Both have felt failure, seen upset plans materialize. My dad and Johnny are made of dust and stains there's not doubt but even with broken parts God has and will continue using them mighty. Just as Galatians 6: 9 explains to us. “ So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” I come from a  long line of dreamers and realists. See happy endings take work, not just a wish. Have a dream? Grab a bucket and shovel and get to work. Just as Jennifer Lewis as Mama Odie bellows out in the Princes and the Frog…”you gotta dig a little deeper”...

Now for whatever the reason hard work is something many folk today are mystified by. In a world where we expect instant everything success many times falls right in line with this thinking. For me, hard work has been something I’ve witnessed all around me, all my life. Till this day my daddy’s still working a full time job at the age of 73. It’s time for him to retire but this old Army Airborne soldier still seems to think he needs to report for duty. He left home at 17, joined the Army, became a Green Beret, a member of the 82nd Airborne and served in Vietnam. I grew up running into my daddy’s arms, proud of the uniform he wore. He took care of his family. And in his early years he  sent every last cent home to take care of his four younger siblings. In my book, that’s love. He’s one of those selfless souls who will go without every time just so you can have a little more. That’s just the kind of man my daddy is. I can tell you this, if not for this man, I would have been lost long ago. His compassion and big heart kept our home always open to those in need. Through his example I learned to give, share and do it all with a smile on my face. I gave up my room more times that I can shake a stick at constantly sharing my parents time and attention again and again with strangers even. As for being an only child? Well that syndrome never had a chance to set in Why? Well, because I’ve shared my life with so many wonderful people, all extended family, many stepping in as my big brothers and sisters through the years. I never felt lonely. Being military we were a very diverse group. I was content growing up this way. My daddy taught me to be happy with myself and never to seek anyone else’s approval. Giving up who I was, and my authenticity for approval just wasn’t an option. Sure I didn’t have an actual older brother or sister to look up to but I had myself and that has always been enough. Like Tiana from Disney’s The Princess and the Frog, I’ve lived a difficult but untroubled life. How does that make sense? My life wasn’t unfair, it was just challenging. Each test only convinced me to work harder. I saw my parents example and clung to it. I saw their love of people, determination and openness as characteristics worth pursuing. I knew I had to keep going. And when The Princess and the Frog debuted in 2009 I was again reminded of this same determination sitting next to my boys listening to Tiana explain. “I’ve got to make sure all Daddy’s hard work means something.” The truth is expectations have never been my friend and so I’ve never really given them any kind of say so. Brene Brown explains this beautifully in my eyes. "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” By leaving expectations in the dust behind me, I don’t have to worry so much about keeping company with those self-doubting ,defeating presumptions. Now do I? See sometimes you just gotta let go, take a deep breathe and see what unfolds. God’s got this, right? So let Him worry about the details. That’s what Hebrews 11:1 tells us anyway. “To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.” Faith is our long game, right? And faith means trusting and trust takes time right? I haven’t always understood how God was going to work it all out, but I’ve known He would. How? Faith. Maybe it’s because I grew up watching my parents faith in action or even because as a little girl I felt their faith strong in me. I learned to live loudly, pray and trust but there was a hitch. I had to work for it. And work for every last bit of it I have. I think of Tiana, in The Princess and the Frog this way. She was born into a hard working family. Nothing was ever given to her. She worked for everything she had. She had her own dreams but everything she sought was because of her love for her daddy and his belief in her. He instilled inside Tiana a strong sense of honor, integrity and adaptability. And when the Shadow Man came knocking on the threshold of her dreams coming true, she stayed the course.

Now the Devil much like the Shadow Man loves to do a tap dance and song for our attention. He promises glory, fame, riches along with everything else our little heart desires. Thing about his little routine here is  he’s not offering up any real merit. When the smoke screen finally disappears we’re usually left holding a bag of nonsense. Go on open it up. All you’re gonna find is some other poor soul’s leftovers that went out in the trash. We can’t build our story on someone else’s legacy can we? I guess we could but I don’t know why anyone would want to try really. We can be inspired but we can’t make it ours. Anything and everything we do in this life has to be built on conscientious, diligent and tireless effort and elbow grease. Satan can certainly tempt us into selling our souls for a penny but what will you do when you’ve spent that penny? I love this line from The Princess and the Frog. "That old star can only take you part of the way. You gotta help it along with some hard work of your own.” Feel that fire within you? Fan it, let it burn...as they say, “all you have is your fire.” When it comes to the old Shadow Man, and his promises, just remember his deals always fail. He’s nothing but a scheming, dark and sinister shadow. Stay fierce and driven. Don’t be afraid of love or big dreams. And don’t let anyone tell you who you are. Lighten up, laugh and embrace your doubts, let them fuel your passions. Doesn't matter where you come from, descend from God has built and made us each with unique, distinct personalities and given us our own abilities. Our purpose is not the same as the person to the left or right of us. You bet we’re all lost, but can be found can’t we? Remember God’s paid our debt, but that’s not an excuse to keep sending the same dirty laundry back through the washboard over and over again now is it? Faith is work, and if we believe God’s grace is real, then we must be willing to put legs on it. Let it go and for Pete’s sake stop looking for an easy way out. Sure it’s going to be hard, grueling even and at times downright impossible but faith and hard work by measure build a stronger foundation on which anything you hope for can grow. Maybe you think I should just go sell crazy somewhere else and I could, but I won’t. Emily Smock’s words remind me I haven’t lost my mind just yet anyway. “Be humble, be hard working and don’t give up easily. We are not entitled to anything, but we are capable of achieving everything.” Think you are owed or entitled? Seriously let all that go, hate and hurt are heavy. I’ve got no room for either. Truth is truth. Plus I’ve learned a thing or two from my daddy along the way. Love is unconditional, faith is essential and hard work is fundamental to success. “The only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work.” (The Princes and the Frog)

So yes. As we begin rounding the corner with the finish line in close sight, I’d agree with Tiana. “People down here think I’m crazy, but I don’t care. Trials and tribulations, I’ve had my share. There ain’t nothing gonna stop me now ‘cause I’m almost there.” I’m my own woman. But you can’t get blood from a turnip now, can you? I’m not silly enough to believe I could have become who I am today without the strength and struggle of those who’ve come before me. It is by their sweat, blood and plight I’ve been given any opportunity at all. I may be ordinary, but my dream is not. Tiana explains,” People down here think I’m crazy, but I don’t care. Trials and tribulations, I’ve had my share. There ain’t nothing gonna stop me now ‘cause I’m almost there.” I guess you could say my road has been long and heavy. I’ve been unhinged a time or two and many times I’ve been called ridiculous and batty. But I'm.  in the footsteps of ordinary folks who have achieved greatness. Every title, degree or distinction was pulled out of the fire by their own hands. I sit beside a chemist, nuclear engineer, airborne soldier, nurse, pilot, police officer film director, homemakers  and so much more. Am I inspired much? You bet I am! But I still have to fan the flames of my own dream. We may all be equals but the truth is each one of us have had to work incredibly hard to get here. And today is my chance to add my very own parts of this story alongside theirs. Writing is my ability and talent. It’s what I do. Writing down thoughts, pouring over family pictures and digging through old stories.This is the life of a writer though. Writers are often the memory keeper's and the storytellers. A writer, like a cook combines vast ingredients, patiently waiting for time to blend, mix and produce a perfect union of fusion. As Tiana, a writer remembers the details most would like to forget, keeping track of the memories many have missed. We write it all down so one day long after we’ve laid our pen to rest (or spoon) the right person will come along and re-discover it all over again. Now I may be an only child but I am still connected to a bigger, wider tapestry. I am simply part of a greater fabric interwoven into brighter, bolder patterns. As a family our past is connected just as much as our future is. We share in the same hope, passing our legacy down. We hand off the baton to the next generation, stories of where we have come from along to those in front of us moving forward. I have learned this in life so far. If you really want to be remembered, you have to be authentic, compassionate, graceful remaining kind. Our life and legacy is solely and completely brought to life by what we bring to it. “Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you. “ (Shannon L. Alder)  Looking back I know I’m far from perfect and I’ll never be honestly. But this is the thing...I’m becoming all I ever wanted to be. I’m a teacher, writer and dreamer. If no one except those I love know my name and my stories I am a success. I love the mom, wife, daughter and ultimately the very woman I have become today. We all have our ups and downs. We face giants time and time again. Challenges come and go, but again Brene Brown is right on the money with her words. “Owning your story is the bravest thing you will ever do.” And this is my story, our story...

The moral of Life Lesson #211 ~ Dig a Little Deeper is this...nothing comes easy and the minute it does watch out cause everything else is about to go Topsy Turvy. When the Devil approaches, and the Shadow Man begins nipping at your heels just remind him God’s got a plan. Self doubt is not welcome in your story. Just look him straight in the eye, wag your finger at him and reaffirm you’re not interested in whatever cockamainy scheme he’s offering. A piece of cake right? OK so maybe not. I’m on a first name with the Red Guy, so I just tend to roll my eyes at him these days. I know what he’s all about and it’s not for my good. On the other hand my Father in Heaven is all about grace. He’s made me uniquely me and knows exactly how to deal with all my quirks and oddities. He knows I’m sassy and opinionated, but He also sees my heart. He knows I’m determined to stay humble, passionate, down-to-earth and steadfast. I’ve never followed the crowd and I don’t plan to start now. I've always been an oddball I guess, dancing to my own drum. I’m not a cookie cutter version of society's ideal woman that’s for sure. If I’m going to do something you can bet it’s going to be done the hard way. It may take me more time to get there, but get there I will. Mama Odie tells us the truth. “When you find out who you are, you find out what you need.” I don’t know about you, but I know what I need. I want to be God’s hands and feet and I can’t do that if I’m looking for easy street. Paraphrasing Dwayne Johnson, I need to stay humble, hungry and to always be the hardest worker in the room. “ Just like my daddy. Keep Proverbs 13:4 with you as you close the book on this life lesson today.. “ Lazy people want much but get little but those who work hard will prosper.” For me and my life, I don’t want to look back knowing I haven’t earned my place at the table. Hardships only make us better people, stronger really enabling us to reach success. I don’t know about you but I’d rather be exhausted, slap worn out, and completely dog-tired than resting on my butt, chillin’ doing nothing, complaining about who knows what, getting nowhere. Stop trying so hard and get to it. Life isn’t going to wait on any of us honey. “Discover your passion and live it with intention everyday.” (unknown)  So go on sing, dance, write, carve, paint, draw, read, teach, heal, minister, serve, cook, open a restaurant, jump out of plane or fly it, but whatever you do, do it with all your heart and hard work.

“Success is never owned. It’s rented. And rent is due every day.” ~ unknown

~ Merida Grace