Life Lesson 210 ~ Day of Forgiveness

“Love your family. Spend time, be kind and serve one another. Make no room for regrets. Tomorrow is not promised and today is short.” ~ Unknown

Family. We're born from and by them. How we came to be part of our families, isn't the question. One way or another we did. Whether through birth or adoption, our lives have been built upon their stories. Their history is our history and ultimately our story as well. For me, home is a place where unconditional love resides...a shelter and refuge full of memories, both and happy sad. I come from a very closely knit family. Not perfect in any way shape or form but close. I’m deeply connected to my roots and family tree. Today I stand in awe of both the lineage and legacy surrounding my life. My family has and will always be my greatest source of strength and joy. We’re a crazy bunch, that's for sure. But what family isn’t? I look at our life together and I’m reminded “we're just the right mix of chaos and love.” What I can tell you is this, I’ve been blessed. I’m fully known and deeply loved by my familia. One quote, author unknown, speaks volumes about this very sentiment. I’ll paraphrase it for you. “The older I get the more I realize I don’t want to be around drama, conflict, intensity or stress. I just have no desire for it honestly. I want a good book and some hot coffee, maybe even a bit of hot cocoa with tiny, little marshmallows floating in my mug too. Seriously I just need the simple things in life: a comfy, cozy home, good food on the table surrounded by happy people I love.” I know I’ve spoken many times of family. In fact you could say the majority of my writing is based solely upon this beautiful, little family of mine. I’ve often said through the years here on my blog,  “Family is everything.” And for me it is. Home is where my story has and will always begin. Family, one simple word yet powerful enough to spark either pride or shame. These are the folks we call our kin, tribe and clan and they, are living, breathing pieces of our very own fabric. They make us whole. In Gaelic we say teaghlaigh. In Italian, French, German and Spanish this word is spoken as famiglia, famille, Familie and familia. This one word known around the world has exceptional meaning wherever and whenever and by whomever it's spoken. Your family is significant. As  Michael J. Fox bellows, “Family isn’t an important thing. It’s everything.” When it comes to family, it’s not the word we use to describe or define who we are as next-of-kin which defines us. No, it’s the love, effort and dedication we share. When I see my family I know I’ve already hit the lottery. Sure I’m surrounded by this crazy bunch of folks daily but they're my kind of crazy. And while we’re a somewhat complicated, wonderful, imperfect and absolutely supportive group of nuts...come hell or high water we’re there for one another, always. Family is family, right? I tend to agree with Beau Taplin and his True Values when it comes to my family. “This is what I know: In this life, a steady love, and a place to call home, are far more precious than all the earthly possessions and wealth in the world.” And this the story Disney’s Pixar CoCo conveys.

You guessed it! Today I’m diving in to Disney’s newest animated film from Pixar. Why? Well because this film struck and hit me hard. Reminding me even just how precious and fleeting life can be. This is the thing. Life is truly momentary. It goes by quickly, right? Life truly is but a moment, short-lived and passing and we must seize it. But at what cost do we conquer it? What we do with this moment we’re given here on earth, together, is up to us honestly. Life can be given and taken in the blink of an eye. It’s been told by many, “Time is everything we have and don’t.” We can either step into the light of day or retreat into the shadows. R.Queen argues this point quite well I do believe. “If you love something, love it completely, cherish it, say it, but most importantly, show it. Life is finite and fragile, and just because something is there one day, it might not be the next. Never take that for granted.” And as we say here in the south, if you do, “you might as well be talkin’ to a fence post!” I’m a firm believer in never letting those I love leave without a hug or affirming my love to them. My parents brought me up valuing every moment we share together, understanding we may not have the same moment twice or the chance to take anything back. In Coco, Miguel a 12 year old member of the Rivera family learned this lesson himself when he found himself visiting the land of the dead on the Day of the Dead. CoCo, for me tells a story of family, forgiveness and acceptance. The time we have here is short. And way too temporary.  There’s no doubt, right? As Miguel says himself, “We may have our differences, but nothing’s more important than family.” So I ask why waste or squander our time together? Why misspend any of it even for a second on grudges, hate, misunderstandings or assumptions? Seriously, let all that go. I mean anger and hate are the same as tying a sack of rocks around your waist and jumping into the water. Holding on to unforgiveness is just like drowning. Resentment and grudges they just rot and spoil our hearts. If we insist on bitterness, life simply goes on without us. We get left behind, forgotten in fact. “At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable.” (Mark V. Olsell and Will Sheffer)

I have grown up inside a family who has never forgotten their forbearers, those who came before us. Nor have we forgotten our loved ones living miles apart from this place we now call our home.  We embrace our familia and the legacy left behind, learning from our collective past and extending forgiveness time and time again. We may not always be happy with what’s been written so far in our family history, but we know for sure who we are today and where we want our family story to go. And while we keep all these memories alive through stories and photos we know how quickly each one can fade too. When I look at my parents seeing the kiss of time across their faces I'm reminded of a their sweet love story and the life they’ve given me. I see hope in their eyes and unconditional love when they gaze upon my boys. God's grace is evident in them and faith completely fills their hearts with the promise of possibility. What do they see awaiting? What could possibly bring so much hope and joy? Well I’ll tell you...compassion along with a legacy of faith in Jesus Christ filled with unconditional love passed on generation to generation. The potential tomorrow brings is enough. Music, dance, lyrics and illustrations, sketches and compositions still yet to come to life is a reminder they will be remembered, never forgotten. And yes, my boys are our future. The stories they will tell one day adding to our family history will have new plot twists and opportunities for forgiveness and grace too. After all, God's grace is enough. Our tapestry from beginning until the end of time will continue being filled with a narrative celebrating our family...the love we share, heartache and joy alike and yes, His forgiveness too. As for my folks, I’m thankful they trust the next chapter will be written rain or shine. Why? Well like us, they know the Author.

I must tell you watching my Mama and Daddy grow older is rather bittersweet. I have known love all my life, deeply, truly and unconditionally. I’ve been given a gift, like none other in my parents. Much like Mama Imelda pleads with Miguel to understand, my own Mama has asked the same of me. “Never forget how much your family loves you.” I am grounded because of this very truth. Looking back I hold all our memories close, inside me. They spill out with each and every chapter I write, filling in each empty space with my ink and pen. Every picture we've ever taken tells a story. Some parts of our story may have been forgotten along the way that’s true, but as long as we hold on to one another we will always remember the time when...right? I'll never forget how loved I felt each time my mama tucked me in at night or my daddy picked me up, throwing me on top of his shoulders. I still love the way he calls out, “Top of the morning.” And yes, looking back I laugh a little bit on those old photos of myself clipping my daddy’s toes nails. I mean how did he ever trust a 4 year old with that task anyway? Or how about the days my mom had me mixing cookie dough in the kitchen? See, I continue to find such happiness even when I remember the hardships. As my eyes fall over decades old photographs of my mom and her guitar, I am reminded of her love.  I can still feel and see her next to me... her voice coming from the couch as she played her guitar, singing songs of praise to Jesus. I hold each photo, story and memory dear. Truly, how can I allow any of these precious memories to ever fade? Now, I do understand the day will come when I can’t just pick up a phone and call my mom and dad. And there is no way I could ever be prepared for that day. But I also know by God’s grace the bond I share with my parents is eternal. No one or thing could ever wipe away these very chapters we’ve shared together. I've been privileged to know each one of my parents stories...who they’ve come from and where they’ve been. I know who I am and who I can still be because of their legacy. Yes I do have my mama’s eyes and her talent for music. I can’t deny I have my daddy’s toes or his imagination and ability to pull words from an endless internal library deep inside my soul. Mama, she raised me to be me. Not to copy or mimic anyone else’s life or dreams. She taught me to chase my own hopes and ideas and be completely authentic. My daddy has taught me to be brave and to have courage. From the time I can first remember I’ve felt safe, loved, unconditionally and encouraged to be fully 100% weird self and all. I was brought up an only child, it's true. The advantage?  I’ve learned to use my own imagination. Sure, I’m a bit strange but then I’m a writer and a singer. I guess it comes naturally. I learned early I suppose not to compete with anyone else. All it does is drive one mad I think. Maybe  it's simply because I’m not so worried about whose prettier or smarter than I am because I had to learn to entertain myself. And honestly when all is said and done I’ve been able to accept myself, for who I am, not who I wish to be. I’ve never been a forged copy. I have nothing to prove or gain by doing so. True I’m a redheaded, sassy hot mess most days. I’m different, that’s a given. But I’m proud of my nerdy status. I have no problem with my Disney addiction. And yes, I’m content with my free -spirited and stubborn heart. I’m a daughter, wife, mother, teacher and animated, if not dauntless and somewhat divergent artist of words and song. And why you ask? How do I possess all these crazy, flawed characteristics? Well sit down a spell. Let me fill you in. See I come from a long line of creative types, misfits, academics and scholars even. I’m who I am, carrying all my hopes, dreams and ideas because those who came before me carried them first. Like Miguel from CoCo, though it took some time, I have come to understand what makes me different also binds me to my family’s history and story.  Miguel speaks his own truth when he says, “I am not like the rest of my family. There’s something that makes me different.” And while he was right, he had yet to discover a faded memory, a piece of his family puzzle connecting him to his Mama CoCo’s father, Hector, long forgotten...a musician, not a shoe maker.  

I suppose all families have a secret or two tucked away inside a box kinda the way Miguel’s did. Abuelita, Coco’s daughter and Miguel’s grandmother kept this secret hidden, and all music forbidden. This very ban on music is what ultimately led Miguel to his truth, his destiny and his family's too after decades of forgiveness, fear and anger had taken over. See fear has to face God and when it does bigger, brighter branches begin to grow. Secrets eventually all come to light. “Time discovers truth. “ (Lucius Annaeus Seneca) And when these mysteries and conundrums come into focus, shadows fade.  See, if God can forgive, so can we. As I like to do in my own life, I want to look to scripture right now. Matthew 10:26-27 conveys a truth I feel is necessary in this part of my story. “So don’t be afraid of them. Nothing has been covered that will not be exposed. Whatever is secret will be made known. Tell in the daylight what I say to you in the dark.” Nothing stays secret forever does it? Secrets hold you back. Get ‘em out in the open and you’ve got nothin’ keeping you in the shadows anymore. My family has held these kinds of secrets through the years too and like many of us, they’ve been unearthed. But the reality is by uncovering and dealing with our past, getting it all out there we’ve been given the opportunity to make peace with all former bygone conflicts and differences. No one can change the past but we can and will continue to let it go, moving forward, never backwards or haunted again by a darkened and stained back story. With the past behind us you can bet we'll begin laying down new legacy stones, ensuring a sturdy, strong, meaningful and purposeful future foundation together, one by one. We will absolutely continue to gather, sing, dance and tell stories of our past while living freely in the present moment. Much like Miguel and his familia we have too long been focused on where we thought our story was destined. Just as Miguel did, sometimes we have to face a curse, and the reality of being forgotten first before we can actually seize our moment. And then like Mama CoCo it all comes when we remember the story as it should have been told all along.

Though Hector had been forgotten by most of his family and denied a place on his own family’s ofrenda on the Day of the Dead, he held out hope to see his daughter, Coco once again. And in spite of the circumstances, hurt and his name removed from his family’s narrative he didn't give up. Neither did CoCo. His chapter was redirected if not honestly rewritten by a jealous, selfish and smooth-talking fame seeking musician who not only stole but took his life in the process. Silence took over. Music was no more in the Rivera house. That is until one little boy dared to break it. See music was not the enemy, secrecy was. But once the music began to play it couldn’t be stopped. Miguel found his great-grandfather in the land of the dead along with the truth of his disappearance and death. And once Hector’s songs began to grow inside Miguel’s heart, taking root, nothing could hold back the flood gate. Miguel was determined once he knew the truth to make sure Hector was remembered, loved and not forgotten, left as a faded memory lost in the land of the dead. And Hector’s words beautifully play out inside Mama CoCo’s room, Remembering her father’s song written for her, she sings with Miguel, finally after four generations of silence. "Remember me though I have to say goodbye. Remember me, don’t let it make you cry for even if I’m far away I hold you in my heart I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart. Remember me though I have to travel far. Remember me each time you hear a sad guitar. Know that I’m with you the only way I can be. Until you’re in my arms again, remember me.” (Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez) And she did, remember him. She never gave up but then that’s real, true, genuine unconditional love, is it not? Miguel’s love of family, music and history broke down the walls of the dead literally. And his stubbornness not to give up in the end certainly fueled his need to be part of his own story recounting each picture framed on the Rivera family of rendered to his sister. In the end no amount of fear, anger, bitterness or secrecy was going to hold him back. And it didn’t, did it? Giants truly fell, mountains moved and hope once again sung loudly in the casa.

Life Lesson #210 ~  Day of Forgiveness reminds us not to judge a book by its cover or hold a grudge so long unforgiveness turns into bitterness. Ephesians 4:31 reminds us of this fact too. ”Get rid of your bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud quarreling, cursing, and hatred. Be kind to each other, sympathetic, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ.” All these things do is hold us back, chaining us to the past. Poisoned sadly just like Hector, our past can keep us from our present while blinding us from our future. See sometimes what you think you know is as far from the truth as the sky is from the  ocean. Sure it appears close, as the sun rises and sets, but in reality it’s billions of miles away. Miguel, Hector, Ernesto de la Cruz and even simple-minded, lovable and playful Dante all are perfect examples of this, are they not? So what do we take away from CoCo? Well everyone will interpret this story differently. But as for me, I hold to the truth of forgiveness, unconditional love and family. This is what CoCo means to me.

“Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” ~ Lilo and Stitch

~ Merida Grace