Life Lesson #163 ~ Next To Me

"With you, I am home." ~Unknown

When I lay my head down every night, he's next to me. When I wake up every morning, he's still right there beside me. When I roll over, he's never too far. He's always just within arms reach, his hands pulling me closer in toward him. Even when we disagree, he's still there, never far from my side. We may agree to disagree but we never go to sleep mad. Life's way too short for that kind of funny business. It's never just my way or just his way. We're a team and we make decisions together, with each other, for each other. He's the love of my life, my husband, my strong, steady and loving refuge. I call him my Beast and yes while he calls me his Beauty, his goof and his love,  he will certainly tell you I'm the only woman who can drive him crazy. The one woman who brings him to his knees and still makes him happy to have all the above in one breath. When I think of Johnny, of our home, our bed and our life together all I can think of is "I have found the one whom my soul loves." Right out of Song of Solomon 3:4.

Johnny makes me happy, but he also loves me enough to be honest with me. He's a man who loves with all his heart, and though I don't always get my way, he would move mountains for me. I am loved, completely and fully. Each decision he makes, he does so not only with his interests in mind, but ours together. I love coming home from work knowing our evenings will be spent cuddled up on the couch, side by side, under the blankets together watching anything from hockey to sci-fi. Being together for more than 21 years, we have grown together, found each other's weaknesses and strengths diving into the deep end of the ocean together. Sure we have had to fight our way back once or twice from the helm of disaster but in those dark times, we found the light of day together, side by side. The reality is in the shadow of our darkest hour we weren't torn apart, instead we were forged sounder and sturdier. In fact we came out the other side even stronger, and more in tune, in love and in step than ever before. Was it easy? No, it was one of the hardest things I think I have ever gone through. But you know what? I wouldn't change it for anything. Why? Well because of those hard, deeply dark times Johnny and I don't take our love, our life or our family for granted. We know the risk and we understand the chances we take. But in everything, in all we do, in every step we take, we take them together. I think the truth of what we have discovered is that "sometimes home isn't four walls, it's two eyes and a heartbeat."

Now I know I can be difficult. I don't always see things the way I should and still he loves me. No matter how old or gray I get Johnny still sees the same silly, goofy, kind, brave and honest girl inside me standing in front of him. Johnny, he just takes it all in, still grinning at me, eyes up to mischief. And why? Because he loves the hot mess I am, even when I'm standing there with my hands on my hips, making crazy faces at him unconditionally. The truth is we may not always agree, but what we have both come to know deep within our hearts is that nothing can separate his love from mine nor mine from his. An honest woman, once said, "I never cared about the material things a man could give me. I cared about his time, attention, honesty, loyalty and effort. Those gifts mean more and more than anything money could buy." No matter how much we have in the bank, which cars we drive, cancer or not, hurdles, obstacles of gigantic proportion or not, we are one. I don't need extravagant gifts, a big house or even a second one. No all I need is the man whom my soul loves. That man is my one true love, my husband and yes my Beast and his name is Johnny. He can be found next to me, every night, and beside me each and every morning. When I am next to him, face to face, laying beside my love, my lover and my best friend I am home. When my lips are close enough to kiss him yet far enough away to appreciate his desire my heart is full and in those moments I'm not only content, more importantly I know I'm safe.

The truth is, "I believe in the kind of love that doesn't demand me to prove my worth and sit in anxiety. I crave a natural connection, where my soul is able to recognize a feeling of home in another. Something free-flowing, something simple. Something that allows me to be me without question..." I absolutely agree fully heartedly with Joey Palermo on this. We have grown as a couple, and we have found we're not that different after all. We bring different pieces of who we are to the table and into our bed of course. Yes we most definitely express ourselves and our love in distinct and independent ways but at the end of the day when the lights go out we lay down, sleeping, side by side in our bed together. And the truth is I'm truly my happiest, my truest self, and to be honest the most content when I'm next to Johnny and he's next to me. It's a wonderful feeling to know that after 21 years, we still embarrass our kids. We're still in love just as much as we were if not more than the day we married beneath the wide open skies of Texas, under a canopy of trees that seemed to rival Nottingham forest on that beautiful late April afternoon. Just as then, we're each other's peanut to our butter, water to our ocean, glaze to our donuts, spring to our steps, twinkle to our eyes, blue to our sky, cherry to our sundaes, flip to our flop, milk to our cookies, sweet to our dreams, beat of our hearts, cheese to our macaroni, best to our friend and the love of each other's lives.

Life Lesson #163 ~ Next To Me is a reminder that love is a gift, a treasure we mustn't take for granted. Breathe in every moment, share a passionate kiss or simply one on the forehead, both are priceless. Don't fear the pruning. Hold on to each other, and the knowledge you are rooted in His mercy and grace. After all, they say "the couples that are meant to be together, go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out stronger." Love, like a tree's roots grows deep, like it's trunk bends with the storms, and as with it's leaves, blooms, stretching out wide and tall over time. I am thankful for this kind of love. And I am blessed by God's grace to not only be loved but to love this man. The love of my life..my lover, my friend, my Beast, his name is Johnny and he's the love of my life, the man who holds my heart everyday and shares my bed every night... always part of me, always next to me.

"You. Next to me. That's all I want."  ~ Unknown

~Christina