Life Lesson #450 ~ Family Lines

“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents, and all the generations of your ancestors. All of them are ALIVE in this moment, Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Fate. It’s an ominous word if you really think about it. I mean destiny can seem out of our hands, much like who and where we come from do. From the moment we’re born our lives are set out on a path and not always the one we’d have chosen if we’d been asked, right? Whether our ancestors called it God’s will, divine decree, the Fates or Norns, determination, resolve and backbone still shape who we become. 

Merida, of Disney’s Brave fame is a good example of fearing fate, and in many ways running from who she was born to be. She’d lost track of where she’d come from, neglected her family's struggles, overlooking and disregarding both her mother and father's sacrifices before her and in turn the effect her actions had on her own destiny. But like any good fairy tale, Merida came to understand, her roots were connected to who she could and would be. And ultimately she left us with some pretty inspiring words. “Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it.” 

But it isn’t always so easy in real life, is it? Let's face it! Family ties can be difficult, stretching us more than we’re comfortable with. We’re human after all, and if your family is anything like mine, it’s filled with stubborn, obstinate and headstrong folks. I know, I’m one of ‘em. Come on, let’s be honest. Ever ask yourself how am I related to “that” person? Don’t pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about. We ALL have those moments. It’s called being a family. We’re just enough alike but just different enough to mix things up proper. If you give most family trees a good shake, you’re gonna find they're full of nuts, myself included. What can I say? Families are complicated. We come together, gather, break bread, laugh, bicker a little and generally hug it out. When one of us comes under attack, we all do and come to each other's defense. We hold the line. It’s what we do. We’re family. But how have we become one? How do we come to be who we are collectively and individually? What makes us a comhluadar or teaghlach (community or family)?

Let’s talk family, shall we? 

So have you ever wondered what your ancestors would think of you? Let’s be honest. Times, ideals and even morality has changed. But basic kinship hasn’t. We’re still connected to those who came before us, whether we or if they’d like it or not. Job 14:7 is pretty clear on the life of a tree, metaphysical or not. “For there is hope for a tree. If it is cut down, it will sprout again and grow new branches.” (EDV) It’s the same in families. With every generation our tree expands with roots deeping, connecting each leaf to the next. Sure family trees can be pruned, splintered, grafted, transplanted and even cut down but even if you don’t know it, you’re still a leaf on a tree.  

As for my tree, well I come from a long line of rebels, fighters,shakers and movers. Let’s be honest, we're pretty much a bunch of trouble makers. I’m Irish, Scottish, Scandinavian, German, Polish and Jewish. My DNA is indisputable, but neither are the forgotten blood lines I come from. I’m made from my ancestors mistakes, failures, disappointments and fiasco's. Yet, I’m equally built by their convictions, beliefs, victories, triumphs, and jubilation's. I think Liam Callanan says it really well “We are all ghosts. We carry, inside us, the people who came before us.” And truthfully, looking back at the long story of those who’ve come before me, considering their struggles and the sacrifices they made for me to be here today is humbling. I’m simply one part of my ancestors' growing legacy.

I have to tell ya’ll while searching for my own story, I’ve found some pretty wild tales, a few scoundrels, quite a few heartaches, a crime or two, and so many more heroes and with some pretty amazing and humbling shoes to fill. So many stories had been passed down through the years, changed a bit here and there and parts forgotten; but nonetheless, still partially inintack, and being a writer I was really curious. I wanted to know and uncover the hidden stories within my own family tree, good or bad. I knew shaking our massive tree would be telling. I just had no idea how much. I certainly had no idea what I’d find. I figured there was probably some truth in the debated facts, but I had no idea how much was true. Sure, I’d hoped to see myself in a few of their faces and possibly their stories. So as I began I kept Jeremy Hardy’s words close to my heart. “The thing that interests me most about family history is the gap between the things we know about our families...and the realities.”

My dance with fate started with a simple DNA test, then another. In between I began digging, sorting and exploring, following leads, turning over stones, reaching dead ends before finding a bread crumb or two. Slowly but surely though, I began uncovering the story of who I am. Before long, names, dates and strong, sturdy tree branches with flourishing leaves began appearing. Irony even found me a time or two. Not only had I confirmed the family Mayflower story, but that William Bradford, of Plymouth fame was my 11th great grandfather. The plot twist? Oh you know there’s one, right? Can’t make this stuff up ya’ll. Yep, my very, very, very distant cousin, and Bradford’s 8th grandson is Hugh Hefner. Talk about irony. I literally fell out of my seat in tears, laughing. 

I wanted a story right? Well I got it. And I gotta tell ya’ll I’ve learned a lot about who I am and where I come from. The more I dig into our family’s past, the bigger our tree grows. Ancient and by gone branches long gone forgotten are now sprouting with leaves again. And the closer I get to the center, the more emotional I become. I see my ancestors differently now. Not as strangers or dusty old photographs. No, they’re more than apparitions or shadows of a time gone by. My ancestors have become part of me, and my story, just as I am part of theirs. Their blood runs through mine as does their strength. I find comfort knowing one day I’ll join those who have gone before me, becoming a leaf myself,, continuing to build our great family tree, bridging each generation to the next. See, I finally get it. “To forget one’s ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root.” ~ Chinese Proverb

So what exactly have I found in shaking my family tree? Well, that’s a loaded question best answered with “ya’ll ain’t gonna believe this” or “things really escalated quickly, didn't they?” Take your pick. Either one does the trick. Personally, I tend to think Geroge Benard Shaw wasn’t too far off. “If you cannot get rid of a family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” I don’t know what’s a bigger plot twist.... finding out my great grandfather not only married my great grandmother but my third great aunt before, making him my great grandfather and also my 3rd great uncle by marriage. Or that my Granny had been married before my Grandda, had a son with her first husband only to lose him 25 days later, and to be taken home to Heaven on the 55 years to the date of his passing. How about this tidbit?. My hubby is related to me through two sides of my dad’s family, and not only is Sir Andrew Kerr of Cessford, who died at the Battle of Melrose in Scotland, my 15th great grandfather, he’s also BOTH my parents 14th great grandfather. My parents are descended from his son, Walter and his daughter, Katherine, with Agnes Crichton. That makes Walter and Katherine both my 14th grandparents and 15th great uncle and aunt. Then there’s my 9th great grandmother and her aunt who were both accused of witchcraft during the Salem Witch trials. Told you we are a bunch of troublemakers!

And it doesn’t stop there. Not only did my ancestors come out of Norway, they managed to settle in Normandy before making their way to Sweden, then Isle of Mann, Scotland, Ireland and finally to America. My family tree holds lots of amazing connections to so many snapshots in time. There’s a North Carolina Governor from 1706-1708, two Lord Chancellor's of Ireland, two who served under Cromwell, four American Revolutionary Patriots, a great uncle who not only fought in WWI but in the trenches of the Argonne Forest, and veterans of the War of 1812, the civil war and WWII, and my family tree carries over 38 Scottish Clan and surnames. Who’d have thought my 19th great grandmother was the Fair Maid of Kent, AKA the mother of Richard II of England or that I was related to Robert the Bruce, William Wallace, Mary Queen of Scots, Queen Isabella of Norway, or that my 1st cousin 29 times removed was a concubine to King Henry I and my 11th great grandparents were Elder and Mary Brewster of the Mayflower? Talk about a colorful history! 

Have you figured it out yet? Do you know what Life Lesson #450 ~ Family Lines tells us? Ordinary people do some pretty extraordinary things. You can come from anywhere, with nothing but your name or from royalty with titles and riches. Either way you can make your mark and leave a story worth telling. Just make sure it’s a good one. See, “what you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” (Pericles) This is the thing we’ve gotta understand when it comes to our vast, family trees. We come from our ancestors. Their blood runs through our veins and while their stories influence ours, we’re still the makers of our own fate. We hold the pens, we shape our own stories. We’re responsible for how future generations see us. We can redirect the narrative, but only if we know our own history. 

“A tree with strong roots laughs at storms. When you know who you are, nothing can shake you.” ~ Malay Proverb

Merida Grace