Life Lesson #240 ~ The Prodigal

“Running away from your problems is a race you’ll never win.” ~ Unknown

We’ve all heard the story of the prodigal son. He’s notorious, right? He left home, packed his bag, took what was owed him, said adios to his family, turned his back and set off to see the world and live big. He was his own man, ready to do his own thang. You know how it is when you’re young. Our protagonist wanted nothing more than to live high on the hog, party, mingle with the masses and make a name for himself. OK. I know it’s a bit of a cliché, but I can’t help but think of Smash Mouth here. I’m envisioning our wayward son pulling an “All Star” move with his finger and thumb in the shape of an L on his forehead. I mean come on. Let’s be honest. On the way out the door he pretty much flipped off his family and disappeared. In the bigger picture, we can see what he can’t. Youth, money and good times don’t last. In fact, at some point we lose all three in our lifetime. You know this and so do I, but the prodigal like most of us have to learn this lesson on our own. Either by following the path of the prodigal son ourselves or by watching someone else tread down the same byway on his heels.

Think about it. The Prodigal is a well-known, well told story found inside the New Testament. Even if you’re not a Christian you know some form of this story. If you grew up going to Sunday School or VBS like I did. it’s easily found in Luke 15:11-32. Truthfully, it’s one of Jesus’ most retold and relatable parables. As a little girl going to Sunday School, this story was stamped into my memory. I couldn’t forget it if I wanted to. The Prodigal Son and his story of hasty, wild and misguided escapades are fixed and deeply rooted in my mind. And while there's a lot to unpack inside this parable the common thread any version holds is this. “No matter how far we wander He will ALWAYS run to welcome us back!” (unknown)

So, what do you think of when you hear the word prodigal? What comes to mind? Some think of a wayward child, visions of irresponsibility or someone acting out, being rash, unappreciative or even reckless. All of those descriptions are accurate and true. I, however, see it a little differently. The path of a prodigal isn’t about what you’ve done, or how you might have failed your child. Deciding which path to take as a parent of a prodigal can get complicated fast. The direction we choose shouldn't be difficult though. Getting out of the wilderness can be tricky. The only surefire way I know is with unconditional love...even in the face of wild anger, unfounded resentment and blinding hostility. In many ways being a prodigal is all about growing up.

Maybe it’s because I’m a mother. Or maybe I just want to believe in spite of the unsparing and harsh road our prodigals take, the way home is always open. Sure, it may be filled with bumps and potholes in the road and even risky, unsafe and tricky detours along the way but whatever’s been said isn't important. What is important is this. When it's time to come home, you’re there wherever there may be. The thing we mamas have to understand is home isn’t always an address or location. Home is wherever your heart is. It's painful. Half of your heart is out there lost, wandering around searching for his or herself. You’ve packed up your child’s room, put away every memory they held of you and the good days gone by. And now here you are, left holding what’s left of your heart in your hands. Doesn’t matter what brought you here, you’re here. Be it addiction, mental illness, stubborn pride or a difference of opinions you’re broken, I know. And you're probably crying and feeling like a failure too. Something has happened, gone wrong on so many levels and you can’t figure out the how or why. I know you’ve given your child everything, except this one lesson they must learn solo.  

You’ve loved, taken care of their boo boos, sang them to sleep, cared for their needs, and raised them with unconditional love. Now it’s time to trust God. None of this pain makes any sense right now mama but hold on. Is it going to be easy? Oh, heck no it's not. In fact, it’s going to be dreadfully difficult and nauseating. You’re going to go to bed and wake up with tears. You’re going to feel as if your child is gone forever. And the truth is he might be, but this is why it’s so important to stop holding on to the hurtful words, forgive and turn your prodigal over to the One whose always offered you grace...even when you least deserved it.  

I love Bryant H. McGill's words here. “There is no love without forgiveness, and no forgiveness without love.” He’s right and you’re gonna need both mama. This is the thing you gotta accept. Redemption, forgiveness, and letting go all come with a price. And not just for the wanderer, but for those the prodigal leaves behind too. As strange as it sounds in the middle of all this confusion peace can be found. We just gotta trust His process first. Psalm 23:4 tells us this. “Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid, Lord, for you are with me. Your shepherd’s staff protects me.” What’cha gotta remember is don’t give up, just let go. Keep praying because even when things look hopeless, God can restore what’s been taken.

Tell you what. Let’s talk Disney for a little bit. I know what you're thinking...she’s done fallen off her rocker this time. I promise you I haven’t. How about we let Disney’s Brother Bear serve as our muse today. You might not think this is a Prodigal Son story but in many ways, it fits the bill. Do you know the story? It’s a tale of three Inuit brothers. Their names are Sitka, Kenai and Denahi. One is killed, one is lost, and one seeks revenge for the other two. Kanai in his youth seeks revenge. He’s not thinking of the consequences. No, the only thing he’s thinking about is anger and hatred and of course seeking out the bear who took his brother’s life. He finds the bear, not seeing her cub and kills her in spite.  This is where things get a little crazy and how the story turns prodigal.

Once he’s set down the path he’s chosen, Kenai is turned into a bear...the very thing he hates the most. In order to become human again and find his way back home he first must take an exhausting and arduous path. His life lesson is hard, one I don’t envy at all. As a result of the choices he’s made, Kenai is forced down a difficult road. He must learn to see things differently, feel pain, loss and love through the eyes of another. Basically, Kanai must correct what he’s done, and the fall out is greater than he could have ever imagined. See, as the story progresses Kenai meets Koda...a small, well-meaning, energetic and talkative bear cub and a cub whose recently lost his mother. He can’t find her anywhere. This is where Kanai begins to understand the consequences of his actions. It was Koda’s mother he killed. And no matter how much he wants to, Kanai can’t change what’s been done. In the end, out of love and sacrifice, Kanai remains a bear by choice, stepping in to love and care for Koda.

So, where’s the prodigal in all this? Well, it’s simple. Kanai had to leave home. He wasn’t about to listen to anyone else. This was his struggle. A journey only he could take and a lesson he had to learn on his own. And so, against the will of his family he set out with a chip on his shoulder fueled by anger, hurt and resentment. He was stubborn, lacking the wisdom maturity brings with experience. Our reluctant hero had to take the long way home. In the end Kanai found humility, his true self and the meaning of unconditional love, restoration and forgiveness. So, I ask you, how is this not the prodigal son?  

Listen mama, nothing about this is easy. It’s so hard, terrifyingly so and burdensome beyond words. Your heart’s broken in a million tiny pieces, shattered and scattered all over the floor. Still I think you know the wisdom in Nita’s words are true. ”Once you love someone, they stay in your heart forever.” This is your child. Just because they’ve left home angry, hell bent with the idea of never looking back doesn’t mean you cease loving them or holding out hope for reconciliation. The hard, but honest truth is our children may never come back to us. This is the stark, harsh reality of being a parent. We could never have imagined a day without our sons and daughters and yet here we are with a void bigger than the Mississippi River. We don’t just miss our children; they’re literally missing from us. I can’t promise you anything. I can’t promise myself a happy ending. However, I do know in spite of our adult children’s absence, our love and prayers should always be present. And maybe one day, prayerfully, Luke 15:20 will become your reality. "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.”   

This Life Lesson, #240 ~ The Prodigal is personal. I am a mother of a prodigal son myself. What I’m learning in this process is pretty straightforward. Simple yes, uncomplicated and painless, no. See despite being the hardest thing we'll’ ever do as mothers, we’ve to let our children go. To knowingly and yes, unwillingly, remove ourselves from their path. But this is the deal mama. Sometimes we must get out of their way, just as much as they need to get out of ours. I don’t know who said it, but their words are some of the wisest I can offer. “Pray, then let it go. Don’t try and manipulate or force the outcome. Just trust God to open the right doors at the right time.” Make it your prayer every day. Keep loving your baby's mama. Doesn’t matter how far the wander or what they do, you are their mama. God gave them to you for a reason. You can question every decision you’ve ever made, rethink every word but none of it will change where you are now.

Remember mama, you’re only human. You’re gonna fail and stumble and wish you’d handled countless situations better. Maybe you failed your child somewhere along the way or they disappointed you. Maybe it’s nothing to do with you at all. Don’t blame your child for your broken heart. They have their own path and you have yours. In the meantime, hold onto God’s Word. Keep it close. Apply it to your life instead of trying to correct your adult child’s choices. And don’t ever forget the promise of Ezekiel 36:26. It’s for you as much as it is for your child, “I will give you a new heart and a new mind. I will take away your stubborn heart of stone and give you an obedient heart. “Do me a favor will you? Remind yourself you’re a good mom, just not a perfect one. Don’t let the enemy destroy you or your bruised heart. Hold fast and stand firm on God’s Word. He’s got this, one-way or another. All you can do is simply love your children unconditionally and trust the process. Keep praying mama. Keep trusting God to protect your son or daughter physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally...every day. And never. ever give up on them.  

“It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart, but the welcome I receive at the restart.” ~ Mumford and Sons

~Merida Grace