Life Lesson #239~ Valiant One

“The strength of my soul was born on the backs of moments that brought me to my knees. “~ S.L. Heaton

I was born with a fiery passionate flame. It raged in my soul. I longed to jump off buildings, swing from vines, wield a sword, build a lightsaber of my own, pursue the truth with Wonder Woman’s lasso and pretty much set the whole world on fire. From the time I can remember I’ve been this weird mix of introvert and extrovert. I can be both timid and unreserved at the same time. Red hair aside, most days I’m a quiet fighter. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m far from silent or stealthy. I could never in a million years be a ninja. Try as I might, you can hear me coming a mile away. I’m not loud per say, I just don’t have a mute button. My daddy can and will attest to this fact. After all, my nickname growing up was motormouth.

I mean who could blame him? I was always talking. I always had a story to tell or a question to ask. As a little girl I’d spend hours sitting with my daddy moving from his lap, to the floor, the chair then the topside of the table or on top of his shoulders. I’d talk and talk and sing and sing, ask question after question until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any more. Daddy was patient, listening to my every word, never skipping a beat. I couldn’t wait for him to come home and walk through the door in his uniform. I loved stealing his hat, putting it on top of my head and outlining his jump wings with my tiny little fingers. He was my own personal hero, and he was always bigger than life in my eyes. To me he was 8 feet tall, bullet proof and invincible. All I wanted was to be just like him, brave, courageous and valiant.  

The fact I was tiny or sickly never kept my daddy from believing in me. He told me time and time again I could do anything or be anyone I set my gutsy, tenacious and undaunted heart to become. Growing up with a chronic illness wasn’t a deal breaker. It just meant I had to work a little harder. Some might say I was cursed. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. For me it all came down to perspective and how I chose to see the world and my place in it. Sure, I had this stupid disease, one which never seemed out of season. Believe me it was daunting to say the least. Being a card-carrying member of the ailing and unwell club has never been a pleasant distraction from anything whatsoever. Being forced at a young age to take ownership of what some might call an affliction with added complications was exhausting. Worse yet, watching those hiccups bloom into another and another and another, was taxing. In retrospect you could say life didn’t exactly go as planned. You know what though? I learned quickly to be valiant didn’t necessarily mean I had to jump out of planes or be the most physically strong person in the room. You see, my daddy was also gentle, kind and good and he showed me in spite of my disabilities I could be brave, courageous and valiant every day.  

I had a choice to make. I could blame God, be angry and assign guilt to whoever or whatever the reason for the obstacles in my way were. I could’ve and no one in their right mind would’ve looked down on me for it. Life gave me more than most and not always in a good way either. I’ve often wrestled with the enemy, asking God why. Life, illness and everything in between has taken more than a few swings at me. I’ve walked around with bruises and scars you'd never know were there. The truth is life at times has been far more than I can do on my own. And I haven’t always known where to turn or how to lay my burdens down...not even with a detailed map or instructions in my hands.  

Carrying this kind of weight has a way of making you feel like a failure, insignificant and incompatible with the world outside your door. I mean who looks at a little girl with a torn cape, failing body or a broken wing and sees a hero? My daddy knew better, even if I didn’t. He saw past Captain Obvious standing there waving a tainted flag of defects and defeats. He knew I was just an unfinished masterpiece and even though it was a just a small flicker, he still saw a valiant heart inside his little girl. He looked past the shadows of my soul. Daddy knew I had a purpose and so day in and day out, he fanned the flames. He taught me there was more to who I am than illness.  And this was long before a mini stroke, breast cancer or a broken autoimmune system had hold of me. Looking back on the years since chronic illness or the words ‘spoonie’ became part of my vocabulary, I know Jesus knew my path and the pain I’d face. He also knew I’d rise one day from the shoulders of the man I call daddy. Jesus called my name, placed me into the arms of a man with a compassionate and brave soul. A father he hand selected who He had no doubt would light and point me in the right direction. I know now because of my daddy, I’m not only capable, I’m also the owner of a kind heart, fierce mind, brave soul and a valiant spirit. In the words of Winston S. Churchill, I’ve come to accept. “Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.” No, I didn’t end up jumping from tall buildings or swinging a literal sword; but because of the faith planted in my heart, I did find a way to set my own strange, abnormal world on fire.

So, let’s say it out loud. We all know it’s true. Life isn’t easy. It’s not for the weak of heart either, now is it? We can be weak in body or even mind and still master our heading. You’re talking to a woman whose lived most of her life fighting turbulence. I know it’s true, even if we don’t wanna believe it is. Yes, our bodies may fail us, and our minds might tremble but our hearts even if they're a bit faint have the ability to carry us through any dogfight we face. If you think about growing up chronically ill with a target on your back, it prepares you for the distorted misconceptions this world holds. You tend to laugh off the absurd caricature others paint of your delicate but not weak state. The indifference or misinterpretations surrounding your illness can be deafening at times. You learn to grow a thicker skin that's for sure. Living with a disability in the world’s eyes has a way of teaching you to shield your heart from the mockery and ridicule it often unintentionally but carelessly throws around. Right or wrong, growing up on the other end of someone else’s punchline taught me how to laugh at myself. And that my friend is how you take fear’s power away.   

I can’t tell you why I have multiple autoimmune diseases. I can’t explain the how or even fathom God’s reasoning. I still don’t have all the puzzle pieces to figure out the bigger picture quite yet. I can tell you this though. His grace is enough even when I don’t think it is. Atticus hits the nail on the head. "The hardest step she ever took was to blindly trust in who she was.” Has it been an easy life? No, not in the least. But if you step back and look at the Master’s plan, even with so many details missing, you begin to understand where my strength really comes from. I may have shouted at God a few times...well more than a few actually. And I might’ve cried myself to sleep more nights than I can count; but in the grand scheme of things, I found out who I really was. A small and tiny but brave warrior with a valiant heart. And each time the world knocked me over, pushed me to give up, by God’s grace I got up one more time. Till this day Galatians 6:9 stays on my lips.”So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we do not give up, the time will come when we will reap the harvest.”  

Have you ever seen Valiant? It’s the story of a small homing pigeon from Disney's 2005’s self-titled movie. If you’ve seen it you know where I’m going. If not, go find yourself a copy and watch it?. Like Valiant, we too may have to face the barrel of a gun, dive through an inferno and look adversity in the face. He was small and considered too short to be of any importance. Sadly. Valiant, the films namesake seems largely forgotten and dismissed in the Disney universe. To my boys though his name is a stand out from their childhoods. Widely underrated and under appreciated Valiant is an underdog. Truth is this is probably the same reason my boys have always related so well to its message. Gary Chapman, the film's director, said of Valiant. It’s dark, dangerous, yet funny- and that’s quite hard.” He’s right you know. I think this is why this particular film is so beloved in our home. Life is dark, dangerous, funny and hard mostly but just as our little unknown hero Valiant, when confronting falcons, we might just have to order the crisis in front of us to come and get us. It’s our job to be audacious in the face of difficulty. Believe me. Setbacks, hardship and calamity will come for us; but if we can see things as Ralph Waldo Emerson did, we’ll soar. “Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” Sure, I could have let my problems lead me. Heck, I still could, but where would it truly lead me?  

 

Mark Twain said once, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”  All these years later I know why I was born weak in the world's eyes. See. I was sent down a hard, difficult road because without the bumps and pitfalls I’ve faced, I wouldn’t be the woman or writer I am today. I can’t be any plainer. If I’ve learned anything it’s life has a way of misdirecting us. If we’re hell bent on going one way, we can bet our bottom dollar life’s gonna take us the other. It’s just how it goes. Sometimes the things which make us different and at times delicate in the eyes of the world can actually set us up to accomplish greatness. I Corinthians 10:13 says this. "Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.” And it’s true. I’ve never faced a battle Jesus Christ could not win. I can tell you this right now. Jesus loves me. He loves you too. He’s carried our scars, felt our wounds and wrapped up our broken wings.

As a child I stared down giants, monsters, ran away a few times from fiery arrows and hid behind walls barely covering my nose or at least my imagination thought so anyway. Growing up ‘the sick kid’ on the block wasn’t easy. Nothing in this life is I suppose. At 8 years old I wasn’t just different; I was afflicted for a lack of a better word. I had the kind of cooties the other kids literally ran from. Let’s face it. I was the girl with ‘the desease’. Sickly, abnormal and strange is what I was. If being a little peculiar wasn’t enough for you I had a way of making eccentric look even weirder. I carried around sweet -n-low, canned veggies into restaurants, needles in my bag and most days brought enough food to school feed an army and then some at the lunch table. And no, matter how much I wanted to, I wasn’t allowed to share any of my 3000 calories.

So many of my summers were spent in the hospital racing down hallways attached to an IV pole. I was the girl always declining a piece of cake at parties, surrendering my Halloween candy to the neighborhood kids or sneaking away so I could quietly give myself a shot before devouring a slice of pizza. Life stunk, it really did. It was hard, trying and difficult. I was scorned, laughed at, ribbed, and mocked. I can still feel the stinging, fiery tears falling from my eyes, rolling down my face and pooling on my desk. I was in third grade when my classmates decided I needed reminding I was a freak. I still carry this memory with me. It’s one of many tattooed in my psyche. I spent most of my childhood sideways in a world turned upside down. You know what though? I always had pep in my step. I might have felt the burden of being “that girl” on my shoulders or cried when I was left out or made fun of, but I never gave up. You see, what I didn’t realize back then was I was blooming even in the midst of turbulence and uncertainty; and one day down the road I'd realize how strong, vailant and brave I really was all along.

The bottom line is being brave has nothing to do with being fearless. I am afraid all the time. Just waking up and looking in the mirror at my scarred and carved up chest can be intimidating some mornings. Every time I cough the wrong way, have a fever, develop a longer than usual headache or wake up to the wings of a butterfly across my face I’m terrified. So how do I manage life? How do I walk out the door with a smile on my face? I’ll tell you how. I remind myself each and every day of something I once heard in the Princess Diaries. “The brave do not live forever but the cautious don’t live at all.”

It’s true my daddy climbed into planes and jumped out of them. He was a Green Beret, a paratrooper with the 82nd Airborne, a man’s man in the world's eyes.  He loved being a soldier and it was truly one of his greatest callings in life. And while there was a rush hooking up and shuffling to the door, he'd never ever tell you fear wasn’t present. It was. However, what he will tell you is this. Fear made him valiant. Being courageous doesn’t mean an absence of fear. It’s more about having the determination to jump out the door anyway.

Now while I could never knowingly hop inside a C-130 and fall out willingly my daddy taught me how to free fall from the top of life’s tallest mountain. I might not be a warrior in the physical sense of the word, but I am a warrior no less. Courage doesn’t always come easy. If we’re willing to face the darkness, look fear in the face and speak boldly, it doesn’t matter how many times we fall. With God’s help, we can overcome the slanted bias the enemy lines our pathway with. You know what? We just gotta remember to tell the Devil today’s not his day. After all, with God anything is possible. The very Name of Jesus crushes the devil's head. He's the one who's afraid. So, listen up Buttercup. Let the giants come, the falcons sweep in and the fiery arrows swoosh by. I love how Sarah Claire puts it. “Courageous girl, you may be terrified to your very core but make sure you do it anyway. Because I promise you, that moment of courage will change your life. It will open new doors. Whether it’s the door you want or another door that’s meant for you it will push you forward into something more than what was before.”

Oh, Valiant One, do me a favor will you? Believe in yourself and the God who made you. He created us both to soar, overcome, be brave...not to be perfect but to be fight for the weak, to show up to the battle with our eyes fixed on Him and to stand tall in spite of the world's view of who and what we are. See failure isn’t the end, it's the beginning. Victory is ours, because it was His on the cross. Death did not win. Grace, love and the courage put down the enemy and won. And you and I can too. That’s what Life Lesson #239 ~Valiant One is all about. We are the Victor's. Doesn't matter if we're chronically ill, anxious , disabled or simply different our hearts are valiant. I tell you this today, never, ever let anyone tell you differently...ever! Now go get ‘em!

“She was never quite ready. But she was brave. And the universe listens to brave.” ~  Rebecca Ray

~Merida Grace