Life Lesson #229~ Twisted Fairy Tales

“Behind her smile, there is a story you would never understand.” ~ Unknown

I’ll be writing my own fairytale today…Yes you heard me correctly.

For years I’ve been writing stories. Piecing each one together through old familiar tales. Today however, the tides have changed. And I think it’s time I tell my fairytale. In my own words, unapologetically. 

First of all any good southern fairytale begins like this….

Y'all ain't gonna believe this ….And the truth is you might not, but that’s not my job. The task before me as a writer is simply to tell the story. Your position as a reader is to listen and then to decide which path you’ll take once I’ve finished my tale. 

So shall we take take this leap together then? Are you ready? Are you sure?

Alright. Close your eyes. Hold tight. 

Here we go….

I was raised by Southern standards. Say what you will, horse feather or not, growing up southern has a charm all its own. Now the truth is I’m a bit old fashioned. I’m nothing close to a high fashion, Hollywood kind of girl. I’ve always been more of a boot scootin’, jeans wearing gal myself. I wear my red hair and freckles the way they were meant to be: aa a crown of glorious flawed and imperfect perfection. I’m anything but perfect. In fact  I’m a hot mess. Flawed  beyond compare honestly. I know it and I’m OK with this. I learned early on being both a nerd and a redhead meant life wasn’t going to come easy. And it hasn’t. Being born an only child, growing up with type 1 diabetes, living through DVT's at 16 and a TIA at. wasn't easy peasy. It was horrifying. Moving into adulthood as a triple negative breast cancer survivor followed by raising two boys while battling autoimmune diseases hasn’t exactly been a smooth cup of tea. I can guarantee that. On the flip side of the coin.. it’s been my life. And this is my story to tell.

Life in a nutshell? Well nothing's ever gone as planned. That's for sure. I’ve spent most of my life sideways come to think of it. I didn’t grow up with a white picket fence or a wrap around porch. In fact I spent most of my life moving around from one castle to the next. I may not have always had the same address for more than two years but I had something better. I had my family. I grew up with an ample source of unconditional love. And I tell you this fact alone has made all the difference in my life.

I’m not gonna deny it’s been tough. I’ve been locked away inside towers and fallen down rabbit holes more times than I can count. Many times the fairy tales I dreamt of simply tossed me out on my head with a broken tiara and all. Clearly I’ve had to learn to be a bit more myself and a whole lot less anyone else. I suppose being an only child had something to do with this. I mean I learned to entertain myself right from the start. Tea parties, epic sword battles, superpowers and the list goes on. You name it, I dreamed it. Frankly I figured out I needed to be myself from the moment I took my first breath. You could say I’ve learned the hard way, your critics and those who squeal the loudest always end up imitating your style anyway. So let ‘em! Bedsides as it’s been said before, “the clean hearted always win in the end.” Right?

What I can tell y’all is this. “Until you’re broken, you don’t know what you’re made of. It gives you the ability to build yourself all over again. Stronger than ever.” Now I might not have said this myself or know who did, but I know it's truth. And whomever it was, experienced brokenness first hand. How do I know this? You can’t express this kind of beauty in written words unless you yourself have felt the sting of their pain yourself.

Now if you’ve ever dreamed of being a warrior, then you know in order to face danger you’ve not only got to experience, but endure pain. This is the God’s honest truth as I know it. I’ll tell you now, I’m not a princess. I can’t stress this enough. I’m not a queen either. And for sure I’ve never been a damsel in distress. A black sheep though, yep you can count me in here. I don’t mind though. Someone’s gotta bear this title. My mama always said she was the black sheep of her family. I’m not in bad company I promise. Being the oddball, weirdo, unusual and downright  kooky girl hasn’t ever been a burden. Not really. Alice once said during her adventures in Wonderland, “When I used to read about fairy tales, I never thought I would end up in the middle of one.” Now certainly, my life hasn't been the standard fairytale. I’ll give you that, but you know what? It’s still my story. And I own every last bit of it. 

Look I know my fairytale isn’t an ordinary one. It's been anything but really. Still I’ve fought battles that’ve seemed near almost unimaginable at first. I’ve pushed beasts and monsters back under the bed and into the closets. I’ve tamed and harnessed dragons and flown upon their backs. I’ve found courage in the middle of fear. I've done all these things and yet I I haven’t done any of it alone.Into each and every battle I’ve gone, I've carried my faith even when I wasn't sure it would carry me.

I am a Christian. It’s who I am. I’m not a do- gooder with a God complex. I’m a sinning, transgressing,wrongdoing everyday Jane. Growing up our home was always full of people. It wasn’t unheard of to have 20 sitting ‘round the dinner table at night. My parents were even put out of a few churches for taking in the sinners. I mean who does that? Aren’t we all sinners? I swear we had a sign hanging on the door that read, “Black Sheep Welcome.” Watching my parents live the way they did, I learned most of the white sheep have bigger lies to hide. While the black sheep? Well let me tell you, they've far better stories to tell. Believe me. I was blessed. I grew up in a home where I saw Christ’s love in action everyday. And I don’t mean the self-righteous, pretender kind of 'I’m better than you, you're inadequate' kind of God’s love either. I’m talkin the genuine article here. The real McCoy.The love I saw as a little girl was the' I’ll give you the shirt off my back' kind of compassion. And it shaped me into the woman I am today.

You have to find your own truth. I get it but this is mine.

I learned a long time ago to not to worry about what I owned. I was taught by two of the best teachers I’ve ever known to simply lead with my soul, and let it glow. This is the only real superpower I’ve ever wanted. And the only one I’ve sought to posses. No matter where life or this twisted fairytale has taken me I’ve carried love, gentleness and hope with me everywhere. My tale has taken dark paths. It’s true.There was a time when my hair no longer bled red, but turned black and as blue as the night itself. I’ve fought off emotional thieves and bandits. I’ve built walls and torn them down again. I’ve found myself in the presence of the King of Kings, my sins forgiven and soul restored. I’ve been given a sword forged in the fires of Heaven itself and a crown of grace placed on my head by Jesus Christ Himself. I am a daughter of the King, but I'm also a daughter of Eve, a sinner saved by grace.

Sure, some have come to take everything from me. Spoiler alert! They’ve failed. Flat out. This is my life, and my story to tell. No one else can take it from me. And so today, as Life Lesson #229~  Twisted Fairy Tales comes to an end I’d like to remind you all endings are simply new beginnings. If you came here looking for a definite answer to life’s problems, I have none. What I can offer you though is the hope and grace that Jesus Christ has given me. I'm one of His sheep, as black as they come. I'm flawed, defective and imperfect. I'm all these things and more. But I'm His all the same. John 10:4 says this. “I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me.” Doesn’t matter what I’ve done, who I’ve done it with or who knows about it. I'm His period.

There isn't necessarily a happily ever in my fairytale. Is there?  I suppose you could say it's more of a twisted fairytale really. But then aren't all real, true, genuine fairy tales this way after all? My life hasn’t been an easy road. However I'll tell you this...every stumble, hurdle, obstacle and detour has been worth it. I’ve never sought praise or recognition. I don’t want it. Instead I’ve chosen a life filled with purpose, quietly lighting the way behind me. I’m simply brave because I wasn’t given any other choice in this life. I long only to be kind and bold. Maybe one day, my light will shine bright enough to find my place among the stars. Maybe. Until then I’ll simply keep following in my parents footsteps...never finding shame in being a black sheep.. Why?  ‘Cause that’s what I am. As J.M. Storm says, I “walk in truth. Unashamed of it’s nakedness.”

I told y’all you weren’t gonna believe this. This ain’t your average fairy tale I know. Then again, I don't do anything normal, now do I? Do me a favor. Take Cheryl Strayed words with you as you leave today. Her words have power in them. “You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.” And so I say to you my friends, play the cards you've been given and play ‘em well. 

‘In the end she became more than what she experienced. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end, she just simply changed directions and kept going.” ~ R.M. Drake

~Merida Grace