Life Lesson #205 ~ What If?

"You ever stopped and thought wow, I prayed for this. It's here. It's happening."

Have you ever thought what if? What if I had been smarter or been prettier? What if I had a bigger house or a better education? What if I had more money or a better job? What if I had a different family and a different name altogether? The question of what if is most certainly a loaded question, is it not? And what makes us really believe these things can truly bring us real happiness? Growing up as an only child with a curious nature I often asked what if a lot. As a little girl I was a free spirited, bubbly, and talkative freckle faced, red head with adventure on the brain. I often wondered out loud to myself  and to anyone else would listen,  what it might be like to have a sister of my own. I wasn't picky, she could be my big sister or little. I didn't care if she had brown hair or red just as long as she was my mine. Truth be told I was a miracle baby, and the odds of my parents having another child was slim to none. Still, they tried but at every turn the door was closed. As I grew older I honestly became rather comfortable in my only child status. Now this is not to say I never thought about what it would've been like to grow up with a sibling. I did, but as I matured I realized my life was pretty good the way it was. After all, growing up in ministry I was surrounded not only by our family in Christ but friends who became true family in the process. Sure, I've wondered from time to time  what if God had given me a sister, a best friend growing up? The thing is this: He did, I just had to wait for His timing, not mine. No, she wasn't there as I took my first steps or when I took my first ride on the bus to school so long ago. True, she wasn't there when I walked down the aisle marrying the love of my life. And no she wasn't even there when my first child was born. But the truth is she was there...in spirit and in my heart waiting on God's timing. See my sister's been there all along, always part of my heart. As I was growing up, miles and miles apart, she was growing up too. Learning to love and laugh  and with each and every step we both took, God kept leading us toward the other. The reality is long before my best friend Shawna and I grew up  to become women of God, He was deliberately cultivating seeds of hope and unconditional love inside our hearts. And in spite of our youth and sometimes growing restlessness, we both learned by trail  and through uncertainty how to love without condition. We found Olaf's lesson of putting others before yourself long before the movie Frozen ever debuted on November 27, 2013. God knew, in all His great wisdom we had to wait. While waiting it was important we experience grief, loss, sadness and pain just as much as we did joy, happiness and hope. And in doing so we found our faith, embracing it fully. The truth is, we had to come to all of these things on our own. To learn to love, let go, give without expectation and ultimately love, as Olaf wisely tells us in Frozen, "by putting someone else's needs before ourselves." See in order to be real, true sisters God had to divide our hearts, split our souls from the start all while knowing one day He'd adjoin them once again. And that is exactly what He did when our paths crossed in 1998.

So what if I'd had a sister all my life? What if we'd fought over our daddy's lap and made up? What if we'd held our mom's hands, together at church? What if we'd run the halls over the years and jumped off our bed at the same time? What if we'd braided each other's hair, told one another our secrets and shared clothes? What if? It's an interesting question really. So what if we'd grown up together, side by side? Certainly we would had driven our mom's nuts... crazy is more like, it that's for sure. I'm sure we'd been up all night and probably driven our parents bankrupt with our need to dress alike. Sure we could have both discovered chocolate together, shared the same name or even the same room. But what if God had a bigger, better plan? What if He sent us in separate directions for a reason? What if that purpose was to bring us together later, making us stronger, capable of withstanding hurricanes side by side? What If He knew adjoining our hearts as adults would not only bring us closer to each other, forging our heart once again, but later entwine three separate hearts together?  What if He knew we were two parts of a life long friendship yet to be? What if He knew growing up together, traveling the same path through our early years wouldn't allow us to embrace our sisterhood as we have today ? Instead, what if we were much like Elsa and Anna in Frozen? Separated, isolated even, by uncertain and unfair circumstances...forced to live completely different lives, apart, growing up worlds apart? Yes what if our personalities had been molded by the same parents, under the same roof? I wonder if Shawna would be the same warm, protective, gentle and compassionate woman she is today.  Or if I'd be as energetic, awkward, clumsy or naive as I've become on my own if we'd shared the title 'sisters' from the start. See by bringing us together decades later, connected by another dear friend, God was blessing us beyond anything our childlike hearts could have ever dreamed of. He knew one day, when His timing was perfect our hearts and souls would recognize each other, align and become one once again. He knew, He knew.

Today some four decades later, I'm grateful for my only child experience. I was afforded so many amazing opportunities I'd never have encountered if not for being raised in my little family made of three. Why? That's simple. If I'd grown up side by side with a sister or even brother of my own, I'd never have been able to appreciate the value and blessing of Shawna's presence in my life. I can tell you I'm truly much more me when I'm with her. She brings out the best in me. I have no doubt under Heaven's skies, she'll always be here, beside me every step of the way. When I fall, she's there to pick me back up again. Shawna in her graceful and humble manner never fails to stand up for me or our third partner in crime, Natalie. She's a forgiver, always there to steady my uneven footing, even when I'm a little off balance. Shawna's patient, kind and giving. I've never seen her pull a 'I told you so' out of her pocket, ever. Honestly, there are times I think she's got a bit of Olaf in her too...with her warm hugs and all. Like Elsa, Shawna's driven by compassion. And she's as beautiful, if not more so than Elsa herself with a warm, inviting smile. Her hair golden at times, and other times the color of snow when the light hits it just right. Her laughter is contagious just as much as her spirit is infectious. She's thoughtful and a mirror reflection of Olaf's own insightful words. "True love is putting someone else before yourself. "I know the truth deep in my heart of hearts God Himself created and made us sisters. Not by birth, DNA or even by name but through the adoption of our lives and hearts. God, the Maker of Heaven looked down and saw one heart and one soul far too immense and wide to place inside the spirit of one little girl. Instead, He divided our heart, split and divided it among two little girls knowing one day they'd be rejoined praising His name side by side. He knew our hearts, joined with a third could conquer even the most dire of circumstances together. Proverbs 17:17 speaks of this same intense, deep seeded love. "A friend loves at all times. And a brother is born to share trouble." Or shall we say sister?  This has been God's miraculous gift in my small yet amazing life. His unconditional love was planted within both our hearts, not only designed to ensure we became friends but sisters by choice. God's love has truly manifested itself beautifully in our lives bonding our hearts through thick and thin. This is the thing...neither one of us just decided one day we were sisters. We simply knew. Our hearts, souls and paths  were pre-ordained from the moment we drew out first breathes so long ago. No we didn't know then but by God's grace, we have become sisters, through and through. Sure we may have different moms, dads and maiden names but none of this changes anything...especially the roles we fill in each other's life today.

Over 20 years later after we first met, Shawna and I are best friends. The reality is we've been calling each other sister since long before it was cool. Sure we do all the typical BFF/sister things. We take goofy pictures, act silly in public, we're definitely a bit crazy at times and true partners in crime. I can't for one moment deny, Shawna means the world to me. To know Shawna is to love her. She's unselfish with her time and bold if not fearless in her pursuit of just the right gift. All it takes is a moment in her company to feel her love, know her kindness and feel her gracefulness surround you. She's smart and clever, and protective of those she loves. When it comes to our relationship, I'd say the old saying, 'mess with the big sister, then there's always the younger crazier sister behind her...you don't wanna mess with.' pretty much hits the nail on the head. As corny as it may sound, Shawna is my Elsa and I'm her Anna. Why? Well truth be told she grounds me, forces me to think things through. As for my role in all this, I keep her on her toes, reminding Shawna she still has a child within her. And with my free spirit and her fierce yet patient heart the enemy has no chance! Louise Gluck sums us up perfectly. "Of two sisters, one is always the watcher. One the dancer."  For me to say she's the other half of my heart is an understatement. Together we've faced giants and monsters alike...climbed mountains, survived stormy seas and dug ourselves out of many a deep dark rabbit's hole. Shawna's love for me has never wavered. It has been said a "sister is a person who's there when you need her; Someone who will catch you when you fall; a shoulder to cry on;  someone to laugh with, most importantly, a sister is ALWAYS a friend." And in Shawna I have all of this. But let's be clear, this is not because I found her on my own. No God Himself, the Father of Creation brought me to her and her to me. It was God alone who blessed my life with my sister's love. And through her, He sealed this sisterhood I now share with Natalie and Shawna. A bond forged  and carved so beautifully none but He could claim authorship. Proverbs 12:12, speaks of friendship this way. "The godly give good advice to their friends, the wicked lead them astray. In my sisters, God has given me a safe place where my heart can heal, rest and energize again. Shauna Neiquist explains this best really. "Everybody has a home team. It's the people you call when you get a flat tire or when something terrible happens. It's the people who, near or far, know everything that's wrong with you and love you anyways. These are the ones who tell you their secrets, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they're at your house. These are the people who cry when you cry. These are your people, your middle- of- the -night, no-matter what people." These are the folks you can be yourself with...privately, publicly and personally. Shawna and Natalie are these people in my life.

And so today I offer you Life Lesson #205 ~ What if...we let go of what could have been? What if we weren't so wrapped up in what could be? And what if we embraced the idea of having less, in order to enjoy more? Maybe we just need to live beyond what if. Perhaps in order to experience real joy and true happiness we simply need to look for joy in what we've been given...here and now. Today as I look back on my childhood and  growing up an only child I get it. I see His purpose in my every step. It took a while but God's timing was perfect. Like the sisters in Frozen, Shawna and I have faced our own battles, side by side and apart. As children, we felt doubt and insecurity as we battled  to find peace within ourselves. But then as adults we struggled  with loss. I myself faced cancer while Shawna the death of her biological father... not long after finally meeting him for the first time. But I can tell you this with all certainty, the hand of God has been guiding our lives  from the beginning. Without Him, as a constant, we most certainly would have turned out completely different people. Sure we could have grown up, side by side and I know our lives would have been blessed equally. But the truth is without each of our individual , unique and separate experiences we wouldn't have become the women we are today. Instead, God in His mercy and grace, had a bigger plan. See, He knew one day our hearts would align. The good Lord Himself, not me, declared all three of our hearts and souls bonded, fastened and fused together. Some may say it's chance that has made us friends; but rest assured, we are sisters by choice. I can't disagree with you... we're not sisters by birth, this is true. But what I can tell you, without a second thought is this. God definitely brought us together to live the rest of our lives as sisters of the heart. And all those years I prayed for a sister of my own, God answered. 

Olaf is that you? Why yes,I do like warm hugs. What is that about summer and all things hot? Oh yes, yes. I would love to build a snowman with you,  but first I need to tell my sister something. Shawna, I love you to the moon and back and to infinity and beyond, forever and always. Happy, happy birthday sweetie. Never, ever, ever forget you're absolutely beautiful and unique and special and important in every way and completely irreplaceable! After all, we're always better together, right? And yes Olaf, I quite agree, "some people are worth melting for."

"There is no problem that sisters cannot confront, combat, plot against, ignore, make fun of,

drown in chocolate sauce, or run over with a car." ~ Unknown

~ Merida Grace