Life Lesson #203 ~ Leaving Neverland

"One fine day, it will be your turn. You will leave homes, cities and countries to pursue grander ambitions. You will leave  friends, lovers and possibilities for the chance to roam the world and make deeper connections. You will defy your fear of change, hold your head high and do what you once thought was unthinkable: walk away. And it will be scary. At first. But what I hope you'll find in the end is that in leaving, you don't just find love, adventure or freedom. More than anything you find you." ~ Unknown

Growing up is hard to do sometimes. It's not exactly easy for anyone really. Life can throw some pretty deep if not big punches. And for you my beautiful, precious, brave baby boy, it's never been easy.  Has it? Let's face it. From the start you've faced some rather oversized obstacles; and honestly, an unfair amount of immensely substantial hurdles too. You were born under the shadow of complication coming a little earlier than expected. From the moment my water broke, concern seemed to grip the room. What was suppose to be a simple delivery turned into a fight for both our lives. The morning turned into afternoon and the afternoon into the evening and still I had yet to hold you in my arms. Your birth that day seemed to go on forever and by the 15th hour of induced labor you and I were both clinging to the hand of God for life. Then something changed. The doctor knew he couldn't wait any longer. Our lives were at stake. But you see my love, you have always been a fighter. It was your life I fought for on the evening of November 12, 1996 with all my might. You strengthened my resolve, gave me courage, showed me how to be brave as you fought to come into this world. And as the labor and delivery staff rushed us into the OR at a little past 9 pm, we both began fighting even harder. God was holding our hands that night Joshua, and He had no intention of opening the gates of Heaven for us...not just yet anyway. This is the reality of the life you and I have been given. It hasn't ever been easy, not in a long shot but it has and will always be worth the toil and struggle. How do I know? Because you were worth every labor pain, each stretch mark, the unplanned C-section scar and all those moments of uncertainty and fear. And why? Because you were meant to be my son, just as I was meant to be your mom. I'd go through hell and high water for you baby boy. Yes. Life is tough as you and I both well know, but just as pain, fear and adversity has reached for our hands, so has God. Isaiah 41:10 has been spoken over your life from the moment you were conceived. Your Nana and Paw Paw spoke this very verse over me, for you, as I struggled through labor that day. Holding my hand and placing their hands over my belly your grandparents prayed. They were afraid and still they encouraged me your little life had a calling upon it. If not, they explained, Satan wouldn't be working so hard to snuff out your life even before you were born.  God's purpose in your life was self evident from the start. Your destiny, one that had yet to be fulfilled, must've been enough to scare the Devil into peeing his pants that night as you came into this world. Honestly, I can just see Jesus sitting there, on the edge of the bed, shaking his head, looking at Satan with a straight face, followed with a grin conveying this message. "You ain't from around these neck of the woods are you? Why don't you just be glad in the same britches you got mad in?" Honestly, this simply makes me happy. And I'll tell you why. Disguise from Instagram puts it into words pretty darn well actually. "7 billion people experienced this day in a different way." Your day began rather grueling and challenging, I know. But it ended with your beautiful  eyes looking into mine, and your amazing cries announcing to the Devil, in spite of all his shenanigans he'd lost that day.  And so today I want to remind you of God's purpose, His calling on your life by reiterating these very words over your life once again."Don't panic I'm with you. There's no need to fear, for I'll give you the strength , I'll help you. I'll hold you steady , keep a firm grip on you."

My granny used to say, "The days are long but the years are short." I fully understand this now, as I'm sure one day you will too. I sit here today asking myself where the time has gone. You are the delight of my life, and absolutely and completely the evidence of God's grace in my life. The truth my boy is giants will fall, and unlikely heroes will arise. I can't help but think of  the recent sports headlines. The year you were born the World Series went into game 6. The Yankees defeated the Braves in 4 games to 2, thus winning the championship over the Braves. On the day you were born, the Houston Rockets lost to the Los Angeles Lakers. Let that sink in...and as you do realize just how time can change the odds. Today the Rockets aren't taking prisoners. And as for the Astros....they beat the Yankees in the ALCS championship then going on to beat the Dodgers in 4 out of 3 games bringing home a much needed championship to our battered city. The truth is no matter how hard the world tries to knock you down or how many times the Devil takes a swing at your life, Timothy 4:7 is the truth I pray you will always stand on. "But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me." Now I know many times in your life, it's been sink or swim. And I have no doubt there will be many more just like 'em. On the road to becoming the man God has made you to be, it's going to be full of hassles and stress. But God's promise is the key to overcoming anything and everything the Devil swings your way my sweet boy. Matthew 28:20 tells us this, "I will be with you always even until the end of the world."  God is with you. He's never left your side, not even when you've struggled to see Him through all the smoke and fire. I know it's not been easy baby...not one day honestly and yet here you are turning 21 years old.

Growing up, feeling the pull to leave Neverland and yet wanting to stay is something we all go through. But let me assure you darlin', Neverland isn't a place, not really. It's actually a state of mind. And as such, it will always go with you wherever you go and with whomever takes that voyage with you. Time can feel like our enemy. It's scary growing up and leaving childhood behind. I know, I too have faced this predicament long ago. And I know, "this is the part where I'm supposed to tell you it's not scary. Well, it is. But fear is natural, fear is good --- it just means you're growing." Life is calling Joshua and much like the Lost Boys, it hasn't always dealt you a fair hand. From living in a DOC band for a year, health issues, moving onto speech problems, learning disabilities, bullying and ultimately a traumatic brain injury you've been faced with some pretty big growing pains. I know baby, I know. And much like Wendy it's difficult to accept you're growing up, isn't it? I know. I've faced with this same fear too. Facing adulthood, well, "I suppose it's like the ticking crocodile, isn't it? Time is chasing after all of us?" (unknown)  I know this is true, Just yesterday I was 23 and you weren't even a day old. Now I'm 44 and you're turning 21 today. You're going to make a difference in this big world beyond Neverland. I promise you this. It may not be colossal in your eyes, and it may even be hard to see. But let you assure you of this.  Over time it will matter just the same. Take all your peculiar and oddities with you. Pack your comic books, love of all things Disney and hockey sticks. Leave nothing behind, not one thing." Normal is overrated remember? An illusion, right? Joining the crowd is easy but you know this already. When you're scared, when you reach your destination, when the one person who wasn't suppose to let you down or leave does. Or when you realize time's passing a little too quickly, don't be afraid your life's ending, be happy you've had a chance to live it. Take pictures, laugh often and  as Elizabeth Gilbert flawlessly says, "don't ever be ashamed of loving the strange things that make your weird little heart happy." I know it's hard to think about growing upright now. Becoming a man, leaving childhood behind and becoming an adult can be both wonderful and yet chaotic mess, can't it? The thing about the chaos of growing up is you're smack dab in the middle of it all right now. It's hard to know where you're going and why half the time or better yet, what you even want. But let me tell you this Joshua...you have a stubborn heart, one the Maker of this universe has fallen in love with from the start. I've never seen you give up, even when you've wanted to. Seriously, you  don't know what the meaning of the words, 'give up' mean, do you? Baby, God is within you. Take this to heart...His universe is so big and so vast, but His love for you is truly far greater.

I know Neverland was always a safe place for your imagination to roam and play when you were small. A second home really. Truthfully ever since Peter Pan was introduced into your world you've embraced your imagination without shame. I never missed a chance to expand your world.... encouraging extra layers of creativity, vision and resourcefulness into your little world. And watching old Disney movies with you in the afternoons was simply pure joy. Of course, I'm fairly certain having a Disney nerd for a mom contributed to your love of Neverland...a place where fairies live, pirates sail the seas and Mermaids swim in lagoons. As one of the Lost Boys yourself at times I've seen you rise up a heroic guardian, protective and fearless of those you love. Childhood dreams have been your greatest ally while growing up has been the enemy. And yet, as your 21st birthday has approached, I've watched you chase your shadow in pursuit of a home just outside of Neverland. E.E. Cummings said it fairly well I think. "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." Like Pan I too had to grow up long ago Joshua. It's a struggle sometimes. Peter said himself he never expected he could love with a broken heart. But you know what? He was right. This is the thing about growing up baby boy, it doesn't really change the facts that you've grown up by my side, or your dad's. No, the truth is so beautifully said by an anonymous writer, "Our roots will always be tangled." You are my heart, part of me, and you will always be. Matthew 6:21 says, "For where your treasure is , there your heart will also be." You're my treasure and I love you to pieces my sweet boy. I'm so proud of the man you're becoming. You have a strong, brave heart and courage unlike I've ever known. I know without a doubt, "You could rattle the starts. You could do anything, if only you dared. " (Sarah J. Maas) So get gussied up, grab your bag and start down the pathway in front of you. I mean  'to live would be an awfully big adventure', right? Your wings are ready baby. They have been for a while now. You just have to have faith. I pray with all my heart the God of all creation will continue filling your heart with hopes and dreams. Whether you realize it yet or not, He's already  given you the courage to accomplish great things in His name. Remember this, it's something my Granny used to say. "Folks are gonna talk 'bout you till the day you die." Stop worrying about any of it. Like Granny said, "It ain't what they call you that's important...it's what you answer to." See it doesn't matter what the world says, or even if Captain Hook and Mr. Smee are plotting your demise. Why? I'll tell you. God has you in His hands and Captain Hook and the Jolly Roger have no say in where He leads.

Joshua, I can promise you this myself, "I will not let you go into the unknown alone." (Bram Stoker) As you become a man, leaving Neverland behind for now anyway make sure you make memories along the way. Dream, hope and keep the faith darlin'. Sure, I know, I've been there before myself. The hardest part of growing up is letting go of what you have been used to. Embracing something new you're not familiar with is downright difficult, I agree. But baby, Neverland will always be there. And it will never be farther away than just a hop, skip and a jump away I promise. Life is waiting for you just outside Neverland, if you're ready. Yes, it's going to take a lot of  courage and faith. But isn't that the lesson Neverland's taught you from the beginning? After all, all you need is faith, trust and Pixie Dust, right? As you begin your voyage and journey past Neverland's borders, you'll meet up with other Lost Boys and Girls along the way all searching for their place in this world.  Some will be a bit more further along, while others may still be dragging their feet. You'll find goodness and hurt, pain and joy in the journey. But mostly I believe by keeping the faith and having courage you yourself will find true happiness. That is of course if your hearts open. Take Peter's words to heart sweet, brave boy..."It is not in doing what you like, but in liking what you do that is the secret of happiness." Remember, as you close the gate to Neverland behind you, the whole world is waiting for you on the other side. God's had you all along, just as He has you now. Let Psalm 119:73  remind you of this. "Your hands created me and made me what I am." See it's never been about finding yourself Joshua.No, your journey has always been about discovering who God's made you to be.

Today, on your 21st birthday I offer Life Lesson #203 ~ Leaving Neverland as an open letter to you, my son. I love you with all my heart and soul. You are precious and kind. God truly blessed me when He placed your life in my hands. I thank God for you everyday. I'm humbled by God's goodness. In His foresight, kindness and compassion He placed you into my arms. On November 12, 1996 I was given the blessing of becoming your mom. Every day since that long, frightening and alarming night 21 years ago, I have known true happiness. Happy birthday my sweet Joshy Washy. You're a good man, with a big heart. God has called you so listen and follow. It's true, by God's hands your life began 21 years ago and by those same hands your life will prosper too. You're no longer a Lost Boy anymore. Jesus Christ has not only found you, He's saved and covered your life in His grace. Satan has no say over your life. His plans and devious plots for your life were overruled by the God of all Creation the very day you were born. I'll tell you this. During labor and through your delivery I stood on Deuteronomy 31:8  just as I do today when it's come to your future. You are a child of God, and as such "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged." Take heart, Joshua. You're a mighty man of God with vision. Integrity is ingrained into the very fabric of your being. Your life has a purpose and a calling upon it that's made Satan shake in his boots since the very beginning of time. Hold your head high, embrace your God given courage and close the gate behind you. But just promise me this... as you spread your wings, making your way through the world, stand tall in God's promises. I know without a doubt if you do, you'll never forget your way home. Yes, one day, Neverland will call once again and without a second thought you'll return with your own children to her shores of imagination and adventure. Peter Pan will find your window and whisper once more. "Come with me, where dreams are born and time is never planned." I promise, you're your mother's son, finding your way back won't ever be difficult. I have faith in you Joshua...faith you won't ever forget the way home. After all, finding Neverland's really pretty simple if you believe... take "the second star to the right and straight on till morning." Until then, keep the faith, your child -like heart alive and a little Pixie Dust in your pocket. 

"Be daring. Be different. Be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers. The creatures of commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary." ~ Cecil Beaton

~ Your mom
 ( AKA ~ Merida Grace)