Life Lesson #196 ~ Southern Mama's

"And she loved a little girl very, very much ---even more than she loved herself." ~ Unknown

If you've ever truly spent any real time in the south then you know the apple never falls too far from the tree. Ask any southern woman including myself about her greatest attributes and she'll tell you flat out, "I got it from my Mama!" And nine times out of ten we'll be out spoken enough to let you know once we open our mouths it's our mama coming out too! It's just how it is around here. There's simply a particular way we do things not only in the south, but in Texas I suppose. It's just a given thing here when you drive someone home you wait around until they've not only unlocked but closed the door behind them before driving away. Truth be told we love our sweet tea, probably a little too much actually. We call all soda's coke and absolutely nobody eats 'till you say amen. We wave to strangers, we carry pocketbooks, and we'll be the first to tell you we all reap what we sow. We'll ask watcha fussin' bout and in the next breath ask how's ya Mama and 'em doin' ? We have no quarrels with telling you to stop making a ruckus or that you'd better mind your P's and Q's either. Sure we do take things a little slower and we always ask, we never assume. If there's an elder standing, then you better be sure you're not sitting! It's a cultural thing. I get that, but it's also about respect too. We're certainly brought up on peanuts and coke-a-cola but we have tons of sass too. We call our folks mama and daddy no matter how old we are. There's an understanding between folks down here. Every adult, no matter their age expects you to call 'em ma'am or sir. No exceptions! "We say Ma'am, Sir and Thank you but not without a smile --- and sometimes a li'l sass too." Yes we know where over yonder is and you can bet the bank on the fact we'll absolutely raise our eyebrows while blessin' your heart. And by all means don't you dare expect to get your own way by throwing a hissy fit! Fits of any kind just don't cut it 'round here my dear. Southern mama's they just have a keen sense, like a radar about them. They can spot a lie a mile away, blindfolded and hog tied. They're simply able to detect shenanigans without the bat of an eye. And if you were raised in the south, then mama more than likely taught you how to spot trouble long before it started blowin' up a storm. As we say, a guilty dog barks the loudest. And as we live and breathe, make positively sure before anyone gets started trying to be the first one to tell you how honest they are, you really want to get into a knock down drag out over it. We can certainly get worked up into a tizzy from time to time. We might even pitch a fit too that's for sure. BUT brash and loud won't get you very far around these parts. Of course you are most welcome to try bringing some of that brazen, rude and cheeky nonsense with you but unless you want to waller with the pigs and get dirty, I wouldn't. I mean you can sleep with the dogs all you want, but you're still going to get fleas right? We may not always see eye to eye that's for sure but shooga, we know God don't like ugly, and cussing your mama out is about as ugly as homemade sin gets. The moral? Just don't do it honey. There are just some lines no one crosses down here, no matter how upset they are...and disrespecting your mama, or anyone else's mama for sure ain't one of them. If your own mama didn't explain it then your granny sure did..."Before you say it, before you do it, read it as a headline first." And never ever, I mean ever tell your mama to shut up.  I would seriously be cautious about even using the words hush or shush. If you do, you do so at your own peril. I think Dolly Parton has it right when it comes to our mama's down here. "Old enough and cranky enough if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it." Of course my mama would also add, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." Now it goes without saying growing up southern doesn't mean life's perfect or that we have anything on anyone else. 'Cause I certainly don't at all. I'm not blameless in the least bit honey. I sin just like everybody else does. I may be southern raised, Jesus saved and an 'Amen, hallelujah, thank you Jesus' kind of gal but I'm still one hot, sassy, southern, disastrous mess let me tell y'all. I learned quite early on not to put the cart before the horse. I was taught if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." Doesn't matter what your family name is, who your mama or daddy is, what color you are, where you come from, which side of the tracks you live on or even where you hang your hat. If you know Jesus and call a good woman mama or granny then you know you're strong simply because a southern woman raised you!

Feeling a bit confused? I bet you are. And you thought those 'How to Speak Southern' books were just for fun or a novelty sitting on the shelf of a country store. Silly goose we really do have a whole 'nuther way of talking down here. So do I have your head spinning yet? OK let's slow things down a little bit before  I need to bring in an interpreter for goodness gracious sake. Now before I really go in to today's life lesson it's probably a good idea that you understand every important lesson in the south begins with 'Tell you what' and ends with 'Ain't that the truth?" So let me tell you 'bout my mama. For some it might surprise y'all to know she was born and raised in Philly. I know right, Philly? Yep my southern mama graduated from Upper Darby High School in 1966, met my daddy proudly from Alabama in 1968 and married him in 1969. Now when my Philly born mama met my southern raised daddy she was about knocked off her socks. My daddy greeted my mama right off the bat with, "howdy ma'am!" Talk about a where do you come from moment. It didn't take long though before my mom, a northern girl was smittin', and head over heels in love with my dad, a true southern boy living in a Yankee world so to speak. And just like that she was Mrs. Dowling. Before she knew what hit her my dad was shipping off overseas. As for mama? Well, she was right behind him. From Panama he took her to Virginia where I was born, Maryland, up to New Jersey for a bit and then off to Germany, Florida, Louisiana, Texas, up to West Virginia twice and back to Texas again. Y'all know the old, "I wasn't born here, but I got here as fast as I could?" I'd say it applies. Sure I could've been raised anywhere else but here, but I wasn't. And I'll tell you what, anywhere but here just isn't my story or my mama's forever after either. Now my mama may have been born and raised in Philly on cheesesteaks and soft pretzels, but she raised me on good old Texas BBQ, Tex-Mex, chicken and dumplings and pecan pie. I love how my mama will tell y'all today there's no other place she'd rather call home than Texas. Growing up mama raised me as a southern girl complete with monogrammed pocketbooks, flip flops, sweet tea and church on both Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Mama brought her bread stuffing, eggplant parm and Sunday gravy recipes with her. She never fully lost her accent, and yet adapted to Southern speak and our way of life with ease. My mama has always had this sweet, kind and yet gentle toughness about her. She's beautiful and funny...always has been and always will be. She's not perfect, but she's genuine, honest and authentic. She never presents herself other than who she really is. She's the very reason I'm the woman I am today. She taught me how to love unconditionally, to be independent, to be myself,  to use my brain, how to forgive and to let go of what's not mine to hold onto. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was the inspiration behind Coco Chanel's quote here. "If you want to be original, be ready to be copied." My mama, she's a Jesus lovin' woman with a heart of gold. She'll give you the shirt off her back and then some. She's always had a natural beauty quite honestly beyond compare. And truthfully I can't take credit for any of my own sass cause I got it from my mama. She's a very gutsy, clever, smart, passionate, at times feisty but always a loyal and gracefully strong woman. And because of this very quality, "If I turn into my mama, or even half the woman she is, I'll consider my life a successful one." (Unknown) My mama has shown me strength, fighting battles I'll never know about. She's cried, and still she smiles. She's been broken, betrayed, abandoned and rejected and yet she still walks humbly and confidently at the same time. She's taught me how to laugh and live without fear. And I know no matter what I do or where I go in life, I'll always make her proud for one simple reason, I'm her daughter and she's my mama.

Growing up the way I did, an only child in a southern home, I was raised to "love like crazy, use my manners, say grace, sweeten my tea, listen to my mama, live simply and count each and every one of my blessings." Mama taught me even when it seemed all hope was lost not to fret because everything comes out in the wash. She was never one to let me stay down. I can still hear her challenging me as a little girl when I was overwhelmed. Words I still repeat to myself today."Chin up Buttercup. You have folks who love you no matter what." My mama has always delighted herself in the Lord, praised Him even when all the chips are down. She's been an example not only of faith but mercy too every step of my life. When I've thought to myself I'm a failure she's always there encouraging me to be the best version of myself possible. When I was distraught, it's been mama always there helping me gather up my courage. She's a true southern mama, Philly born or not. And the day I graduated from college, mama was there grinning ear to ear, big hair, eyeliner and holding out big dreams for her baby girl. When my name was called, Suma Cum Laude and my degree handed to me it was mama who'd gotten me there. It was her belief in me, her love and grace, and her unwavering, dauntless love carrying me across the stage that day. She' d whispered into my ear from the time I was just an infant I was loved. She never doubted my abilities, cheering me on, supporting me, always my champion. Walking across the stage I realized the reality of my success was all owed to my mama. She's my friend, but always my mama first. And because she's always been honest with me I've never doubted or questioned her guidance. This is the thing, my mama has never failed to give me a true sense of who I am, both in her eyes and in God's. She's cultivated an unrivaled determination while nurturing a constant and inspiring independent streak a mile wide within me. She always told me even as a little girl with two missing front teeth I could be anything I chose to be. Because of my mama I've never doubted I could shatter any glass ceiling above me. And so on graduation day, during commencement I stood there turning and moving my tassel over knowing more than anything I wanted to be like my mama...kind, honest, authentic, strong, loving and always the woman she raised me to be. Looking back today I fully realize the truth behind Anita Diamant's words..."The more a daughter knows the details of her mother's life, the stronger the daughter."

Now did my Philly born and raised, turned southern mama raise a perfect, stainless or flawless daughter? Nope, not in the least bit. But I'll tell you what she did do. Mama brought me up to admit when I'm wrong, say I'm sorry first and put other's before myself. She's truly shown me by her own example to offer mercy, extend grace, love often, laugh like crazy, show respect and trust in God always. I've seen the power of God's unconditional love and the strength He offers those who have faith in my mama pretty much everyday of my life. I'm a fighter because of the woman I call mama. I don't give up easily. I'm defiantly head-strong and quite stubborn I know. I've learned how to survive not just get through it. I'll tell y'all plainly we've not been overtaken or overcome by the darkness or any pain the devil's dealt us through the years because as always we face each and every road TOGETHER as strong women, rooted in faith and always southern by God's grace. And I'll tell you what if I've learned anything from my mama about being a true southern and Texas woman it's this: "It's something that people see in you well before they hear you speak or taste your cooking. It's thoughtfulness and gentility and a certain kind of grace that always makes a person say, Where are you from?" I realize this is all fine and dandy, and you may be asking what does any of this have to do with anything. Well let me explain. I am the writer, the teacher, the mother, the wife, the un-biological sister, the daughter and the born again Christian woman I am today because of my southern mama. She's never failed to remind me, not when it truly matters anyway how precious life, family and faith are. She raised me, loved me and ingrained inside my heart to always be kind, gracious and absolutely tenacious in the way I live my life. What I know is this, "A daughter can stay connected with her mother forever; Mothers and daughters have a genetic, hormonal, and psychological bond that cannot be broken." (Meg Meeker) And good gosh almighty, God help the man or woman who tries! And so now as Life Lesson #196 ~ Southern Mama's wraps up and we get ready to skedaddle I'd like to share one of my mama's well versed scriptures with you. Ephesians 4:1 says this. "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." This is the definition of my beautiful mama. She's a lot like me, sunshine mixed with just the right amount of hurricane yet so much stronger, more gracious and always so much more beautiful than I'll ever be. I'm blessed, as I know my dad will tell y'all the same.  He saw my mama's heart, her soul and fell in love with her instantly on that Red Arrow bus in downtown Philly all those years ago. And I really do think my daddy would say meeting my mama and the life we've all lived since has been exactly as Rick Bragg explains things. "It was a good moment, the kind you would like to press between the pages of a book, or hide in your sock drawer, so you can touch it again." Mama, I love you. Thank you for raising me to be a true southern girl. You for sure taught me there's no fixin' the beginning of most days but there's always room for change, and an even better ending if you're determined enough. What more can this simple, southern girl say about her Mama other than, "Ain't that the truth?"

Happy Birthday Mama! "You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest and most beautiful person I have ever known. And even that is an understatement." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

I love you to the moon and back. I'll be your baby girl forever and always...

~ Merida Grace