Life Lesson 195~ Casting Stones

"I'm a failure, He's my forgiver. I'm a sinner, He's my Savior. I'm broken, He's my Healer. I'm His child, He's my God." ~ Daystar

Today I'd like to take a look inside the world of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Honestly there's a lot of depth inside this book. As a teenage girl I saw this story in simpler terms. This literary classic is chalked full of amazing storytelling. The brainchild of Victor Hugo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame is written to stir passion and rouse thought provoking questions. Moving through each chapter there's this feeling Mr. Hugo intends to incite our emotions. As the reader we experience everything from anger, to exasperation, irritation, sadness and even those few but glorious moments of joy. Now add his unwavering degree of significance and purpose written into each of the main characters, and it really goes without saying my young mind couldn't grasp it all. I believe I was drawn into this literary masterpiece because I was such a child of oddity myself. It wasn't that I was unusually random or necessarily incompatible with the world around me. No, that wasn't it at all; however I was definitely divergent, different and exceptionally curious. Truthfully I've found myself in the category of outcast most of my life. And because of this I quite agree with The Minds Journal."I like weird people. The black sheep, the odd ducks, the rejects, the eccentrics, the losers, the lost and forgotten. More often than not, these people have the most beautiful souls." So let's open a door back into one of the most difficult, less than pleasurable and definitely not forgettable parts of my childhood. I can still feel the blow, the punch to my gut like it was just yesterday. I remember being bullied so badly sitting at my desk inside a classroom. Why? Well it was all because of this label I couldn't escape. I certainly wasn't in hog heaven as they say down here. My peers saw me as diseased, sickly, abnormal, strange and a freak. I was the only kid in my whole school with type 1 diabetes. As if having a disease wasn't enough, my ugly silver ID bracelet shouted my plight to the world. Given my precarious situation it isn't too far a stretch to concede everyday name calling was my norm. Weirdly enough even 36 years later I can still hear those names echoing in my ears at times. There's one particular day I can recall as if yesterday. On this afternoon the bullying had surpassed even what I could take. There I sat reduced to tears with a literal puddle of tears gathering on my desk. Yes, I was a true outcast and I knew it. I was different. I was odd, stained and better off left to rot locked away from my unsoiled, spotless and unblemished peers. I wanted to fade away, retreat to my own tower and throw the key away. The sad reality of all this is I was just eight years old.

What could I do? Nothing really. I couldn't change my plight. I couldn't magically wish away my diabetes. I couldn't even hide. I had no control over what was happening to my body. However I did finally accept my new life as it was even if I did so dragging my own feet. I sucked it all up like a buttercup, yes I did. I found I may have had a tough row to hoe, but I'd be darned if I wasn't going to come out tough as a pine knot! Still I was the girl always in the hospital. My best friends were a needle and a bottle of insulin. I was the kid sneaking off to check her blood sugars when no one was paying any attention. But let's be clear about this. I wasn't off to the nurses office for a finger stick or even a dip stick. No I didn't have that luxury back then. The year was 1981 and depending on the day,  I was the kid carrying a mad scientist looking lab kit in my Pete's Dragon or Strawberry Shortcake lunch box into the bathroom. Yep I got to collect my urine in a Dixie cup every day and at school to boot. I'd syringe it up in a dropper and add a few drops to my test tube. Finally I'd plop a tablet in and wait for the color to change. And if I was unlucky enough to get a high reading, I got to do it twice...this time checking for ketones. I'd do this around 6 to 8 times a day, many of them during class. Those were some great times let me tell you. Trick or treating after 1981? Sure, why not? I'd just give my candy away. We could talk about how I couldn't eat sugar, candy or participate in any classroom parties. How about the fact I was way too skinny in the beginning which was later followed by being way too over developed by the age of nine. Back then privacy wasn't what it is today in the classroom. I didn't have rights under the disability act or special considerations. Nope I got to be the classroom freak. My third grade and much of my fourth and fifth grade years were spent as a spectacle. By no choice of mine a larger than life target was painted on my back. It was difficult, it really was. I carried a far heavier load, much too big for any child my age. And without my consent too. I had no options, this disease of mine was on display. Everything I did, everything it did to me was done so very publicly. I lived my life scared of what diabetes would continue to take from me. I hated eating, all I wanted was to be normal. But no, I had to constantly pull food out right there in the middle of class no less in order to take in my mandatory snacks for the day. Goodness I was eating 3000 some calories a day as prescribed by my doctor at just eight years old. Talk about what was embarrassing? I couldn't really buy lunch so instead I sat over my lunch boxes crying. And yes I said boxes as in plural. My lunch time consisted of an overload of carbs, protein, fruit, vegetable and fat exchanges. I was the outcast who had the lunch lady standing over me until I finished every last bite. I was absolutely sure I couldn't eat all of it either and some days I spent my recess throwing up. To my horror that would eventually lead to low blood sugar and more unwanted attention. Seriously what average eight year old girl has a strict 3000-3500 calorie a day diet? I'd start my day eating with a shot and end it eating with another shot. I was the weird girl with THAT disease. I was the girl who had to eat green beans out of a can sitting inside Bob's Big Boy because I HAD to have my vegetable exchange, no exceptions. Oh! Of course I did, right? Sigh...I was the girl drinking a Tab or a diet Mr. Pib at 8 years old, toying with a sweet in low cupcake in front of her on special occasions. Truly I was miserable... for a while anyway. I guess you could rightly say my git up and go had dun gone and went. Honestly when I say the phrase 'plot twist' doesn't even begin to describe my life. I'm not joking. I mean let's be honest about that right now. I've learned more than once if you can't stand the heat to get out of the kitchen. I've also accepted that if a few folks had their way I'd be well on my way to hell in a handbasket. But not every circus is mine to manage nor are all the monkeys involved mine to master. Heck yes, the devil most definitely has had more than one warped, corrupt lowdown, dirty and underhanded plot in mind when it comes to my life. But God has always had a plan and a pretty good sense of humor too. I'm never really surprised when I hear his voice reminding me, "who's pluckin' this chicken you or me?" No rain, no flowers right? So as time often does it marched on. I pretty much had to stop blaming the cow when the milk turned sour. I mean you gotta make hay while the sun shines right? By this time I had to come to accept who I was, the diabetes and all. And by then I was able to embrace God's daily sufficient grace in my life. Sure the world could treat me differently, terribly for that matter, expect unrealistic expectations and even judge me but none of it could take my joy or define me. Proverbs 2:8 still echoes in my heart today. Words my mama gently and loving spoke over my eight year old self during many of those humiliating times. "He protects those who treat others fairly, and guards those who are devoted to Him."

When I first read the full tale of the Hunchback of Notre Dame I found Mr. Hugo best explained the viciousness of the world surrounding me. The idea fatal obsession could mercilessly destroy everything you love was disturbing. Reading about the obsession Frollo had for Esmeralda and how it eventually cost him everything stirred me. As for the destruction left in Frollo's wake causing such painful conflict with Quasimodo, it startled me. Yet still I was drawn and influenced by Esmeralda's kindness to Quasi. In my young mind I found the importance of acceptance, the complications of appearance, adding a complete lack of self-control, a false sense of self-worth and follow that up with suffering, free will, great loss, embracing difference and lest we forget the results of rejection, injustice and obsession you pretty much have the entire overview of my life. So yes I think you can probably see here why I felt such a strong accord with this classic and Mr. Hugo as a teenager. One of the greatest French poets and authors of his day, Victor Hugo was a man who spoke with conviction. He felt deeply for the lost and forgotten, and he believed strongly in the power of love and perseverance. Mr. Hugo left these very words behind for us to ponder. "To love another person is to see the face of God." Now as to what he'd say about Disney's animated adaptation of his work, I cannot say. But this particular film in my mind, very different from the original story in so many ways still stands in my mind as Disney's most dark, bold, complex, intense, beautiful and sadly too often forgotten movies of the 1990's. And yes it's worth watching again. If we pause and enter into the world of the 1996 Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame we see Quasi as a deformed, yet lovable character. He's full of kindness, love and very curious about the world outside of the cathedral. He enjoys ringing the bells inside his beloved cathedral. It's a good thing too because it's his job. He's known as the Hunchback, dear boy and later against the will of Frollo the King of Fools. Quasi lives in the Bell Tower always under the watchful eye of Frollo's tyranny and daily abuse. Quasi calls him Master and is continually subject to Minister Frollo's ruthless, self-righteous, manipulative, hypocritical, vindictive, cunning and sadistic intolerant oppressive, deluded and merciless judgment. Still he's warm, mostly joyful, extremely trusting and very gentle. He longs to live outside his bell tower, but his devotion to his Master keeps him locked away, high up in the dark tower of the Notre Dome cathedral. Still he encourages those around him such as the bird scared to fly in his care. With such optimism and love, Quasi says, "Today is a good day to try." Much like Micah 6:8 Quasi shows us how to "Act justly. To love mercy and walk humbly."  Mr. Frollo unfortunately shows us the truth behind Beth Moore's words. "Legalism is the natural result of religious people who have given up on faith." And that is exactly what we find as Frollo pursues Esmeralda. He's so caught up in his devout piousness and the need to rid Paris of 'her kind,' he finds himself in a sinking boat of his own. Frollo is so busy coveting and lusting after her that in his desires, longings and determination to own her he's willing to kill Esmeralda if she refuses him. Steve Maraboli warms us of this kind of arrogance. He says this, "You can speak with spiritual eloquence, pray in public, and maintain a holy appearance...but it is your behavior that will reveal your true character." Esmeralda correctly confronts Frollo in the beginning, questioning his motives as he berates Quasi in public. "You mistreat this poor boy the same way you mistreat my people!" Going on to say, "You speak of justice, yet you are cruel to those most need of your help."

I'm going to warn you know before we go any further. Hold on to your butts as they say, it's about to get bumpy! My advice right now is just to pull up a seat on the front porch sipping on a cold coke of your choice praising God a trouble shared is a trouble halved. Now I don't know about you but I've faced more than a few Frollo's in my life. Those folks who come into your world setting up shop as if they're the ultimate authority. They come across speaking for God, but truly only speak for themselves. There may even be times you're fairly convinced these folks have carried out a hostile takeover of Heaven, not just sitting in God's throne room but taking up residency on His Throne themselves! The truth is they're spectators, nothing more. These folks, the Frollo's who come into your life revealing themselves as villains seeing nothing but the wrong-doing, wickedness and evil in you but never within themselves. As Choplin belts out in his song during the Bells of Notre Dome "Judge Claude Frollo longed to purge the world of vice and sin. And he saw corruption everywhere, except within." The Frollo's of this world live simply to paint a dark, dreadful and ominous picture of  anyone but themselves. But why? Who really knows! We can speculate. Maybe you're like me oddly different and boy howdy do I understand this one! Or you could be a preacher's kid who has been held to completely different set of standards than those who sit in judgment. Possibly you have a kind and sensitive heart which places a target on your back. You might zip instead of zagging and zipping or not zag at all. The one thing we know each and every Frollo has in common is a lack of empathy or an understanding of true forgiveness and real unconditional love. There's a quote from an unknown author that's right on the money. I've heard it many times and it really honestly gets to the root of the problem here. So I have an idea how about the next time you or I are sitting inside some argumentative, sinister, cold-hearted and self-righteous courtroom of judgment we remember "every time someone judges you they reveal a part of themselves that need healing."

The reality we face as born again Christians and nonbelievers both is this: Self proclaimed, so called smitters of the wicked are not called by God. No, they are justified solely in their own eyes not Gods. These men and women react and respond to man's transgressions according to religious vigor, not Christ's mercy. The Frollo's in this world give true believers a bad name. They cold-heartedly punish the guilty ruthlessness with their own hands anointing themselves as God's chosen instruments. Sadly and quite boisterously these Frollo's only echo the voice of legalism and condemnation. Now don't get me wrong here. Truth is truth and we can't make excuses for why we've bent God's Word left when it clearly bends right. But that said we also can't bend it too far right either for our own convenience. If you truly know the love of Christ you should be seeking His vision and His will, not coveting His throne next to the Father. Life is about balance the same way faith is rooted in belief. There's a time and a place for righteous anger, to point those in need of our help in the right direction but we must always examine our own motives when we're speaking for Christ Himself. Unfortunately the essence of grace and mercy is sadly all too often lost and replaced by convoluted ideas some hold to while shaming the guilty into salvation. What I have come to understand in my walk with Christ is simple... we're not meant to be some kind of super powered, perfect saints carrying around a 100 pound Bible in one hand and a gavel in the other. Seriously not even God does that! We should see with our hearts, not just with our eyes. I don't think for a second God cares one bit if I know 200 bible verses by memory or just one honestly. What Christ truly is concerned with is how we treat others and how we reflect His love and grace to the world. So let's get this straight right now. As Christians we're not superior. We're sinners saved by grace, period. The Word of God is clear. Jesus did not come to condemn or judge the world (John 3:17) but to save it. Personally I believe it's critical as Christians to remind ourselves of this daily.  I really think David Alan Campbell best explains this for me. "It doesn't matter if you can quote the Bible if you live like you've never opened it." And yes this applies to every man, woman, preacher, minster speaking in the name of Christ. If you do not have compassion, allow for grace, offer love and you carry unforgiveness in your pocket you're not who you claim to be. Frollo, in all his attempts to be holy, was anything but. He was so caught up needing to avenge God's will and justice he lost sight of God's love and the mercy and grace He offers freely.

So let's redirect here a little bit and ask ourselves a question right now. Was Quasi or Esmeralda perfect or without issues of their own? No, not in the least but they were not unworthy of love or compassion. A very wise unknown author once said, "Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others, because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you. Frollo was certainly a victim of his own shadows. Look God's not finished with me yet. Believe me He's got a very long way to go when it comes to my self improvement plan folks. I've got more problems than solutions most days, but I also have a God who is greater than any problem I'm facing now don't I? Christ died for me and for you truly. And no, He has never guilted me into following Him or shamed me into His grace. Jesus has only ever offered unconditional love and His grace just as I am...full of sin and imperfections. Christ tells me everyday He lives to take away my shame reminding me of how I'm reconciled by His love, the old is gone while the new is taking hold. He reinforces the reality my life has been chosen, that I'm adopted, redeemed and forgiven. Let me tell you what I do now when I'm wrongly judged or dealing with an antagonist trying to impose a warped interpretation of God's will on my life. First I take a very deep breath, then I step back and no, not to avoid any lightning bolts. I simply remove myself from the drama and circus unfolding. I flat out refuse to take a seat at the table. Instead I remind myself of Matthew 7:1-2. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Kinda the same way Judge Frollo met his end. Frollo was judged by the same measure he so willingly ruled by. Now that said I'm not saying because someone is cruel or prideful they are going to meet a physical end such as Mr. Frollo here. That's not anything close but what I am trying to say. The reality is when we live our lives in such a way that we're speaking for God instead of allowing God to speak for Himself we end up seeing nothing in this world or in the people we love except darkness, corruption, blame, fault and cruelty. Simply put we ultimately become tyrants of darkness ourselves.  Surely we must work to keep in mind the truth inside Luke 7: 47 daily. "Her sins, which are many are forgiven." The problem with most self made judges and jurors is they too often forget who has forgiven them. They're so desperate, attempting to deflect any possible reflection of sin inside themselves they will destroy God's saving grace and the forgiveness the cross of Jesus Christ offers at any and all costs. And so the question becomes much the same as in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. "Who is the monster and who is the man?"

So today as we close the book so to speak on Frollo, Quasi and Esmeralda I'd like to visit one more scripture before we wrap up Life Lesson #195 ~ Casting Stones.  I love how Jesus sits calmly, writing in the dirt here in John 8:7. As the crowd surrounds Him, led by a few early type Frollo's, all  demanding justice and quite simply the death of this woman Jesus speaks. "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!" What we can see, reading through this scripture is the way Jesus lived. He spoke truthfully and always offered grace. He surely could have condemned this woman. Her sins were many, but so were those who found her guilty. Jesus Christ was the only one there who could have denounced her, convicting her right? But He didn't did He? No instead of throwing a stone, he offered this woman mercy, grace forgiveness and her life. Casting stones can be a very tricky thing now can't it? Honestly, it's exactly as some say. Judging a person doesn't define who the other person is. It actually defines who you are. Besides there's truth in the old southern saying, "Every dog has it's day." Don't you worry your pretty little heart about those who throw stones at you. I say pick 'em up and build something incredibly beautiful standing tall on their very foundation. How about we think about it this way. How many times are stones thrown just so someone can watch the show, the spectacle, tearing down everything good and kind? How is it we can feel justified in further breaking down the already broken all in the name of God? I can't lie. I have been surrounded on all sides at times by naysayers, ready to cast stones. Folks eager to break and judge my life simply because I sin differently from those holding the stones. But you know what? God knows my heart. He sees who I am. Looking at my life in retrospect I'm grateful everyday I grew up in a home where Christ's love was apparent. I was shown mercy, grace, unconditional love and offered forgiveness each and every day. Long before it was cool our little family could've hung a sign of rules on the wall. "In this house we do second chances. We do grace, we do mistakes, we do I'm sorry, we do hugs, we do forgiveness. We do love. We do family." Now I'm sure my mama was pretty much fit to be tied as I opened my hands revealing her favorite necklace, broken.  I had no excuse, but I was sorry. All I could offer was my tears. And I tried my best to explain this to my parents, desperately clarifying, "It was just an accident daddy." Now many kids could have expected to find anger, yelling and punishment. I didn't. I found mercy, grace and forgiveness. God's grace and His mercy have always been the center of our home and always will. Casting stones, what's the point?  Honestly there's nothing to be found at the bottom of a pile of rocks other than broken pieces. Honestly just let those naysayers drop like flies. When it's all said and done this too shall pass. So my point here today? It's simple, pretty easy peasy actually...always, e very change you get embrace mercy. Why? Because grace changes everything.  Just watch and see...

"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace --- only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us." ~Anne Lamott

~ Merida Grace