Life Lesson #192 ~ Life is NOT a Competition

"Life is a journey, not a competition." ~ Unknown

As a little girl growing up in the 1970's and 80's I was surrounded by books, comics and my imagination. I'd spend hours outside running, jumping rope, climbing trees, crossing monkey bars, roller skating down the sidewalks and riding my bike anywhere I could. I loved to go berry picking, build forts and spend the weekends cooking out with our family and friends at the state parks. I loved skipping, fishing on the pier or out by the lake and roasting marshmallows every chance I got. I loved the long summer days we spent on the beach, the sand between my feet and the cool spring evenings we spent playing mini putt putt at the castle. I grew up an only child, this is a fact. So for me this meant I had to learn early on how to entertain myself and not get bored. Because of this I learned to use my imagination quite well and to explore and to take adventures within an adventure. I was the girl with wild ideas and impossible dreams. I wasn't selfish with my ideas either. I absolutely loved to share. And anyone willing to lend me their ear walked away with a plan, fully armed, equipped, adventure bound and usually with a map in hand. I was a free spirit with an unusual gift for make believe. Now, truthfully my door was probably one of the last in any the round up of neighborhood kids chosen to play Red Rover. However, it was the first door those same neighborhood kids knocked on after everyone else's ideas had fallen flat. My plans for adventure may have seemed wild, included some pretty crazy ideas and even been a bit odd and strange at times but no one's ever been able to accuse me of not having gumption that's for sure. The one thing I wasn't though was competitive. Hence the reason why I was the first one out in a game of dodge ball but the first call when ghost stories were in order.  Being competitive just wasn't in my make up. I couldn't be honestly. I had no basis for understanding it let alone executing the concept.

First I was an only child  but second I was not an only child. Confused yet? Good, now let me clarify this for you. I was born and raised in a home the only child and the only daughter of my parents. This is undisputable.  But the reality is they were known as mom and dad to dozens. We may have officially been a family of three but our home was anything but quiet. I was taught to share, to give and to put myself last. Because our home was the center of a very open and often large ministry I gave up my room a lot and time with my parents often. Yes, I may be an only child but I was raised with humility and grace, taught to give first, take last and always above everything be kind. My parents showed me by example how to put others before myself and never to reach for the prize at the expense of my dignity or the loss of anyone else's. And if I tried to push for my own way or throw a tantrum? Lord have mercy! One look from my mama was all it took to have me shaking in my boots, that you can be sure of. And if she had to put her hand on her hip and wag a finger my way, oh my goodness! I can just hear her now, "If you think for one second I'm gonna put up with that you've got another thing comin! Now go on and act like ya got good sense Christie." My mom, she was nothing if not loving, but she didn't put up with any selfishness nonsense or any kind of an outrageous competitive streak. And I guess that's why I didn't handle the mean girls of life very well as I became a teenager. I simply didn't understand them. I was not like the other girls. I didn't want to be better or more popular. Mostly I was a wallflower, a quiet but funny girl who had an odd sense of humor, a wacky style of her own and a peculiar way of expressing it when allowed to dress herself. It was nothing for me to run around in a pair of holly hobby shorts, a bright yellow shirt, barefoot of course, a bit of dirt and a goofy grin on my face. I guess you could say I was authentic before authentic was cool. And that was not always a cool thing let me tell you.

The truth is growing up I wasn't so concerned with who else liked me. I liked myself. I wanted everyone to succeed, to be uniquely beautiful in their on way. Unfortunately I learned quickly not everyone saw the world the way I did. From the moment I started 5th grade, it seemed everyone around me was competing in everything and on every level. I wanted to be happy with my own individual silliness, to be content in who I was but the world said no way! Instead I heard, 'you have to be skinnier, taller, blonder and smarter'. I wasn't prepared for the degree of competition waiting on me out there. And most of it was really petty to be honest. Sadly these kind of things set the stage and can be very hard to escape really. I don't know about you but in my awkward teenage years this was not a welcome component to my life. Sometimes I even found the very confidence my parents spent years building up inside me, gone, repeatedly torn down, drowned out by the message the world was selling at every turn, on every corner and inside every single five and dime store. Sadly everywhere you look these days you see something challenging us to be better than the rest. Speaking as a woman, it's in my face every day. From the weight loss ads to the wrinkle ads and even better yet the plastic surgery ads. The message we hear constantly is we're not enough. And if that's not bad enough there's the ads for whiter teeth, better skin, perfect hair and of course stronger, younger bodies. If I believed half of what the media and Hollywood was selling and trying to convince me of on a daily basis I probably wouldn't walk out my front door. Now the reality is none of those things taken on their own is a problem. Should we want to improve, be healthier, more educated or feel better about ourselves? The answer is yes, competing with ourselves is not a bad thing necessarily. No, the problem comes when we start feeling the need to compete on every level of life, everyday with everyone else we know ALL the time nonstop. From my experience, especially with aggressively competitive people is many times we forget to stay "humble enough to know we're not better than anybody and wise enough to know that we're different from the rest."

Personally I don't get up everyday looking to best or beat out the person to the right or the left of me. My competition is not who's faster than me or who's smarter or socially more popular than I am. No, my completion is with the woman staring back at me in the mirror everyday. See I know I'm not the best at everything. And even if I've reached par in certain areas of my life I'm not always going to be capable of keeping a matchless score card. Believe me I'm well aware of my faults, flaws and the parts of my life that are lacking. There are a great many of them and you can bet your bottom dollar that's for sure. I do believe however there is a greater blessing available to us when we openly embrace our limitations and glitches. Just because you're not the best at something has nothing to do with if you are capable of succeeding or crossing that particular finish line. We can't all be good at everything everyone else is good at. Where is the fun in that anyway? I like that I am me, and you are you and I love how Serena Williams talks about competition in real, every day life. "The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another. We should raise each other up. Make sure you're very courageous: be strong, be extremely kind and above all be humble." This is exactly how my mama raised me too. And though I fail at times I still strive to be like this today.

It honestly just pains me as I see women and men trampling all over one another in an attempt to 'feel' better than the person next to them. Or simply even to become the world's definition of beautiful, popular and even loved. As a believer in Christ I am challenged to be real, authentic and to love without condition. I don't want to live in in such a way my worth is based upon besting someone else out of this same love or compassion. Galatians 5: 25-26 tells us this. "Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." So if we're going to be the original soul we were born to be then why on earth are we constantly having to complete with each other and to be better than those we love or feel exclusively happier than our family, our friends or our neighbors? Being free to be yourself also means being free of the chains of competition. I honestly just want to do my best, see where it takes me. I'm the kind of person who gets excited for others as they find their way too. I want to see everyone do well. Maybe it's just my personality but I'm ok with someone else I love winning at life too. Like I've said many times I was always the wallflower, standing back observing. I've always liked the background, not being at the center of anything or bringing attention to myself. Again I grew up without siblings, and that in many ways probably has had a lot to do with who I am today. It's true in some aspects I didn't have to compete for my parents time or affection but I did have to share it. On the other side of that coin I'm not sure I would have been competitive even if the circumstances were different. The reason I am who I am and see things the way I do is because my parents always encouraged me to be my best, to embrace who I was and to be content with my life, competing with no one but myself and never at the expense of anyone else.

I'm sure I probably see life a little differently because of my simple, yet complex, peculiar nature. Now that could be a weakness to some, a means of shaming me, proof that my life is inadequate or defective. And if that's your opinion, you're entitled. Nothing I can do will change that nor will I allow it to shape me. I have and never will claim to be perfect, better than, more educated, prettier or happier than anyone else. In fact those that know me would say I don't think enough of myself but it's really not that. It's honestly because I just see life differently, through different eyes. And the reason is simple. We're all different, individual in our hopes and dreams, divergent in our paths, how we envision our journeys and how we get there. There will always be someone further ahead of us, with a title or stature above us. But why fret over this? None of us are the same, and that's why competition as a way of living your life is not healthy. Challenging ourselves, and others to be better than we were yesterday is beneficial. But what we fail to understand so many times is something Kim Chase relates beautifully. "Life is not a competition. Life is about helping and inspiring others so we can reach our potential." I guess looking at my life, the way I am made up and put together comes down to the environment I was raised in. True I lacked for nothing but I shared everything. I was shown the grace of God not only in my life but in the lives of those whom my parents opened our home to. Watching my mom and dad in their own personal walk with Jesus Christ I was witness to humility, provided an example of what was required in order to place the needs of others before myself time and time again. I often think of Philippians 2:3-4 remembering my parents home ministry growing up as a child. "If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. "

Personally I believe being brought up in a home full of ministry, giving up my room and my best toys at times or even my parents time and attention taught me the difference between competing and participating in life. I found joy in stepping back, out of the spot light to be honest. I still prefer being behind the scenes. Learning to participate and not always having to compete has given me a deeper, broader and vast outlook on life and my place in it. Being second, coming in last or even being number one is all about perspective. Especially when we're talking simply about walking out our front door everyday. I don't have to be unbeatable in everything, everyday. I just have to be OK with being me and knowing that's enough. Being an oddball is just part of who I am. If that means I'm not standing on the world's stand for winners then it means I've won at being myself. Now that doesn't mean to the detriment of my own good, but it does mean, "I'm very content with myself. I'm not looking to compete with anyone. I'm not looking to hate or hurt or discredit. I'm at peace with myself and I hope you are too." Maybe growing up an only child inside a home filled with people all the time shaped me a little differently. I will never deny how much unconditional love I've been given but on the other hand I've also been taught to extend it as well. I was raised in a home open to all, to anyone and everyone in need. It wasn't all about me, but I had everything I needed and then some. I was shown to love and to give. No one was turned away, and no one was ever looked down on or any better or less than any one else for that matter. When I think of my years growing up, I think of 1 Thessalonians 5:11. "So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind." And that is exactly how I was brought up. I was offered words of encouragement in my own life just as much as I was taught to give them away freely myself.

So today, as I wind this post down know this: our differences should be embraced, not rivaled. We all have talents, abilities and interest that make us uniquely ourselves. We don't have to be better or even carbon copies of each other to win the race. We simply need to be persistent and humble, moving forward even if it requires taking a few steps backwards. My final exam will not be the same as yours, and it shouldn't be. Personally I have come to understand, "Life is the most difficult exam many people fail because they try to copy others, not realizing that everyone has a different question paper." So I challenge you today as you've read Life Lesson #192 ~ Life Is NOT a Competition to remember this life is YOUR journey, you define your race not anyone else. But most importantly it's not a power anyone can have over you.

"A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms." ~Unknown

~ Merida Grace