Life Lesson #151 ~ Pencils in the Hand of God

"I'm a pencil in the hand of God." ~ Mother Theresa

Have you ever just stepped back, looked out over your life and simply evaluated where you are and how you got there? Think about it, how many times have we grabbed the pencil out of God's hand, scribbling down whatever nonsense makes sense in the moment rather than relying on His greater understanding? If we laid our story out on the table, flipping through the pages of our life, I wonder if we'd see alternate endings or resolutions all missed because of our need to control the pencil? Personally, I have snapped the pencil out of God's hands more than once or twice. We all have if we're being honest. That is where most of our troubles arise, where the conflict exists and where those resolutions I was talking about take place. If I look at my life as a whole I see without a doubt God's hand steadily writing my story on every single page of my life, through each chapter from my birth, illnesses, marriage, children and who I have become as a wife, mother daughter and yes even as the woman I am today. I see where His hand guided me toward those I call family, and away from those who hold hate and contempt in their hearts for my existence.  I can see where He moved me towards something or someone, or away and how He expanded the story of my life from breast cancer to survivor. My life, my story is a book filled with misadventures, ups, and downs and miracles all woven together, written by my Father's hand. My life is most certainly a story most wouldn't understand. Heck, I don't always understand where the plot is headed believe me. I've been known to shout loudly, "Plot twist!" But the one thing I know in spite of whatever zigzag arises the Author of my Salvation has a clear vision of the story He is writing.

Has my life been perfect? Oh no, not in the least. Am I flawed and a hot mes most of the time, yes 100 times over. But that's the beauty of life, of being a pencil in the hand of God...He can rewrite parts of your story, closing some chapters only to begin anew in the next one. I have failed Him, I have failed my husband, my kids, my parents, friends and family. I have even failed myself. I am definitely a sinner saved by grace. In spite of my failures, God's grace still covers me, wraps itself around me and whispers in my ear daily, " I am holding you by your right hand ---  I, the Lord your God ---  I say to you,  don't be afraid; I am here to help you." (Isaiah 41:13)  Together Johnny , the kids and I have faced some pretty fierce battles. Some have left us wounded, but every battle, every plot twist and every beginning and yes,  end of a chapter has been to bring resolution into our lives. See, "Shame says because I am flawed, I am unacceptable. GRACE says that though I am flawed, I am cherished." The reality is we don't throw away a good  book, or tear out a chapter we're reading because things go south do we?  All great characters in any story have flaws, and many times they are big ones too.  But isn't that when we find ourselves rooting for the underdog the most? No author just tosses his most difficult chapter away. No a great writer keeps going, pushing through each and every plot twist, mishap and unexpected turn. And that is exactly what God does when we allow Him to be the Author of our story.

"Broken things can become blessed things if you let God do the mending." Honestly that sums my life up in a nutshell.  I can tell you after a lifetime of tug of war, I know God has a plan for my life, and that of my husband and our children. What that plan is, is not yet clear. Our story, well it may be nothing more than the size of an ant hill in the scope of things when all is said and done, But you know, that's OK cause our lives still have a mighty bite. See it is His plan and whatever may come we rest knowing our story, much like our lives are pencils in the hands of God. Every day is a new beginning, a new page, leading into some closed chapters and still opening new ones. It is only when I stop grabbing for the pencil myself, letting my Father firmly grasp it in His hands that our story runs smoothly both during the good and the bad times. Much like the Newsboys sing in their song ,'We Believe' ,"I believe in God the Father, I believe in the Holy Spirit, I believe in Jesus Christ, giving us new life, I believe in the Crucifixion, I believe in the Resurrection, that He's coming back again." And the truth is if I profess those things, then who am I to grab the pencil out of God's hand and go it alone with my own story telling?

Philippians 1:6 tells us this, "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it."  He will complete our story, and He will fill it with brilliant color as well as some gray. Life is beautiful, whether we live a big, loud life or a small, quiet one, both are just as paramount. The thing is we just have to let Him do the writing! No more stealing the broken pencils back, no more trying to erase what's in the past or cover up our flaws, our faults and our oops. We are human, and therefore inherently a mess. Step back and let God reveal the indisputable beautiful mess you are in his time, not yours. "All you have to do is be yourself and live the story that no one else can live---the story of your own unique life."  I guess looking back on my own story, a near 44 year span is this, If God writes our story, we have nothing to fear because He's got the ending too. So, as we look at Life Lesson #151 ~ Pencils in the Hand of God, don't forget your story is worthy of the hands of God. I humbly offer these words from A Work of Grace , as a reflection of my own heart, "I tell my story not so that I get glory, but so others may know HOPE." Just remember your story is your testimony, and your testimony is the story of your encounter and your experience with God. Make it a good one.

"I am a little pencil in the hands of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." ` Mother Theresa

~ Christina