When You Find the Beast At Your Door

I never thought I would have to sit my children down and tell them, “Mommy has cancer”. It was just not something which ever crossed my mind. I was not at risk; I did not have a target on my breast to ever give having breast cancer a thought. But we all know the story, you have all heard how the cancer came, invaded my body, took my breast and left me with what I refer to affectionately as my “uniboob”.



The simple truth is cancer came to play and she lost. Cancer came to my door and she not only knocked on my door but she violently kicked it in. Cancer brought the big guns with her; she thought she could take me and my family into the depths of her agony. Cancer had plans to maim me, to disfigure me and to drag me to Hell. The reality is in many ways she did succeed BUT she did not take my voice away from me. This beast basked in the glory of knowing she took a piece of me here and there but cancer did not take the whole of me.


Fighting breast cancer is not an easy battle, the journey is long, sometimes uncharted and many times dark and lonely, overwhelming and completely deafening. At the end of the day this fight with the beast is not pretty, in fact it is ugly and cruel, menacing, and destructive. Many days are just draining and painful and by the time the night sky appears you have spent so much energy and emotion resisting the beast you find there is not much left to begin the next day with.


You may feel invisible; I know I have been there a time or two myself, as if no one can see you, the real you fighting to get out. You may feel your footprints are too heavy or even to light upon the path you are walking. Maybe you even feel as if you have fallen, as if you deserve this, as if you are buried in a dark place which you cannot get out of by yourself. Maybe you feel your voice is weak, unable to rise above the screams of fear surrounding you but hear me my friend; this is just a temporary place. There is a place we call home, where faith and hope reside, a place where a strong voice is waiting inside of you ready to shout to the world, to become a voice of hope!


Maybe you are asking where does this strength come from? Where does this strong voice rise up from? Well it comes in the middle of the night; it comes when you are at your weakest point. Strength steps in, fills in the cracks of your soul when you least expect it, and allows hope to sweep over your spirit in the eleventh hour of the journey.


Do not give up! No matter the odds, my friend, even if your words for now seem to fall on deaf ears, you are not alone in this struggle. Allow your heart to be filled with hope, with faith and with courage! Many may question your HOPE, your mission, BUT this battle is your fight. Do not allow yourself to be taken down by cancer’s mirage, for that is all it is! You are strong, you are a warrior, and you have the ability to overcome this beast even if she strikes you down.


The truth my friend is this: We have no control of the beast, of her mission and no, we cannot keep her from striking at will, BUT we can force her out of our hearts and minds. We can band together and fight, raise our voices, and be the ones to call our sisters in arms scattered along the road to arms! We do not have to let her control how and what we are in the face of cancer’s bite!


Take heart my friend, because if ever you should wake to find the beast at your door and you must sit your children down and say to them, “Mommy, has cancer”, you will not be alone. You will never be alone: all you must do is hold to the hope inside your heart. Take courage in knowing there is a band of survivors, ready to rise to your call, to hear your voice and to charge the beast sword drawn together!




~ Christina