Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

Can I scream yet? Just once? Alright, I will just let out a loud AH! Ok. Ok, I'm good now, really. I just have to say it for sanity's sake....life is unpredictable, crazy and completely off the wall most of the time. This is exactly where I find myself this morning... Last night I finally slowed down following Christmas .I have been moving full speed ahead since the Monday before Christmas...cooking, cleaning, shopping, decorating, wrapping and treatments. Finally I have had a few minutes to breath. Last night I was feeling pretty good. My house was tidy as best as can be expected with 2 boys home and a tree sitting in the living room. Diner was cooked, and cleaned up. I had a movie in mind I wanted to watch after I took a nice long shower. It was after my shower I noticed it. I normally check out my breasts several times a month,making sure there are no new problems, i.e. skin changes, lumps. But this past month has been an exception to the rule. It's Christmas month, lif...

I was reminded today of the loss of a dear friend. Just the thought of my sister in arms, brings both tears and a smile to my face, both sadness and joy in to my heart. I took pause last week, and again on Christmas day, and yet again today.This year marks the passing of one very dear to us all. She was a beautiful soul, a fighter and courageous to the end. Her name was Kim ,she was and is still my hero. When I met Kim I was in a low place. Not to say I didn't have hope, I did. But I was lost, wandering in the land of the beast. I had not yet met a fellow survivor along my path. My journey up till that point had been one of solitary struggle. Then she found me, and I wasn't so alone. I had someone to talk to, someone to lean on and to let lean on me. Kim was there shining so brightly you could not help but smile. As soon as I opened my heart to her I had a hand to hold. I meet Kim in J Land. I came across her blog, and found her to be spunky, witty and ready to take on the beas...

Christmas is here. The season is not just around the corner anymore. No, Christmas is in full swing .Homes shimmer with colored lights and streets are beautifully adorned with wreaths of red and green. As for the our home, well we are ready to usher Christmas in. Our tree is decorated , a wreath hangs on our door and the outside lights are burning bright. All our stockings are hung, including the dog's, by the fireplace and Micah's train is steaming strong around the bottom of our tree .We are definitely ready for jolly old St. Nick to arrive and to celebrate the birth of Christ. As all families do, we have our own traditions. Every year, no matter how old the boys get, we go to the mall and visit with Santa, we bake cookies and drink some hot coco. We take in the sites of Christmas, together, as a family, and sing Happy birthday to Jesus on Christmas Eve. We go out and look for our tree, string lights and let the boys place all their ornaments around the tree. As we count dow...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year my dear and cherished friends. you are all a part of my life and my journey. Today, I thank my God for your presence in my life... Christina P.S. Be sure to turn down the music player at the bottom of the page and turn on the the music with the slide show. Also be sure if you click to the site to watch it in original view.

Two words: Breast Cancer. Stage: Two. Nodes: Positive. Type: Triple Negative. Plan of Action: Mastectomy followed by chemo. First thought: Dear God. What will my kids do! Life is so fragile, in moments our lives change and suddenly we realize we have no time to lose.Life is not just changing, life is racing past you. There is no making time up, you must live in every moment, without regret. As each morning comes, as you breath in deeply, as you wake your children you realize each and every day may certainly be your last. I was 32, in my early 30's when life came to a screeching holt. I was looking in the mirror one day healthy and the next processing news my life could be actually coming to an end. Everything changed, my priorities were reorganized. My boys are everything to me and so I began living as if every minute I had with them was my last. Honestly, it isn't a bad way to live. Cancer found me in a crazy way, I was blind sided, but the gifts she has given me . Well, they ...

This week we started pulling out all the boxes. You know the ones, filled full of tinsel, snowmen and little villages? Every year I am amazed by how many we seem to have. It's really not that we are gaining more, simply put, I am just getting worse at repacking them up. Still, seeing the lights, the angels and of course jolly old St. Nick gives me reason for pause. It was this same time three years ago, I found the smallest of lumps. Three years ago I felt my heart pause. Three years ago I felt the fear of cancer slip quietly into my life. Since then I have been beaten up a bit, shoved a time or two, cut and sewn back up but for all the wear and tear I have emerged a survivor in true form. So for me this time of year is a time to reflect and to celebrate. Our home is full of life, joy, laughter and most of all HOPE. We have seen the darkness, felt the pain and with God's grace we have lived to tell the tale so to speak. Here and now, in this time and in this place I am alive. ...

This time of year brings me back. Most know I was diagnosed with Triple Negative, stage 2, node positive Breast Cancer in 2006. Life changed for not just me, but for my family. I was dumbfounded, taken back as I had my feet knocked right out from under me. How could this happen ? I was so young. My life was still in front of me, how could God take it all from me now? I was scared, hurt and shocked. I became painfully aware my life was not my own nor was time on my side. I was not just looking death in the face, but she and I were eye to eye! The holidays had just come to a close and it was the beginning of the new year. I found the lump at the start of December 2005. I was concerned as "it" continued to grow through the Christmas holidays. I sat on this turn of events for a while. I didn't want to ruin Christmas for my boys. We had just bought our very first home, Johnny and I. This was our first Christmas in our new home. I wanted the memories to be special, not marred ...

Remember what I said about never having a dull moment around the Olachia household? Well, if it weren't for the curve balls thrown our way we wouldn't have any excitement to talk about! So last night the four of us were at home, relaxing after the big family turkey dinner. Life was good. Then suddenly at 11:44 PM Micah came running in our bedroom, tears streaming down his face, crying. He was panicked, overwhelmed, afraid. The next words came out like a bolt of lightning: "Mom, I swallowed a nickel!" My response was: "You did what?" I called poison control like a crazy woman next. Their response was: "He did what!" Then I called Johnny. His response was : "He did what!" See the pattern here? My poor baby was terrified. His tears kept coming and his words were like a knife through my heart," Mommy am I going to die?" That was it, I sank like a rock in a very deep river. Johnny was out at the store, so he was driving home like a ...

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite time of year A time when family and friends all gather together around the table. Good food, laughter and remembrance, all these things embody what this time of year is about. We give thanks for each other, for the blessings God has bestowed upon us and for the sweet, sweet gift of life. Thanksgiving 2006 was the hardest for me I think. We really had no family near us so to speak. The few relatives that were within a 10 mile radius, had buried their heads under ground. I remember seeing one of my cousins for the first time since I had lost my hair. My mom had basically bribed her to come see me. Disaster was written all over that operation. I just sat there holding back the tears as she and her mother sat as far away from me as possible. She couldn't even look at me. I was crushed. I left there feeling as if I were some kind of leper, repulsive and unloved. I know deep down this was not their intent, but it was the outcome of their actions...

Life is a journey, it does not matter what path you are set on. Life can be joyous, and cruel. Along the path life can bring unexpected pleasures and loss. Grief can come from not just ahead but it can sneak up from behind. Low lying branches can snag your arm. pulling you downwards. the road before each of us can and will be rocky at times no doubt. Yet even in the midst of such pain, weariness and confusion life can offer us bits of strength and hope we never knew where there. Many times in the midst of our fight with death, fear, illness, our children are overlooked. No we do not over look their care, needs or the love we give their precious souls. What is lost, overlooked sometimes is their might, their core of true inner strength. This is the lesson I was taught this last week. As I came out of my IVIG treatment, waking after 15 hours of sleep, I realized my children had been kept from me. My heart broken as I saw clouded images of both Joshua and Micah asking to see me and being ...

Life has been crazy the last two days. I have not been up to my normal speed so I am sorry it has taken me this long to write this entry. I just want to say I am humbled and blessed to be surrounded by so many dear and wonderful friends. I am still recovering from the IVIG on Tuesday. It was much rougher than I expected. My BP sky rocketed for one, then I developed a major headache, followed by fever, followed by throwing up. Finally the nurse knocked me out. That is really saying it lightly! I woke up close to 7 AM the next morning...15 hours later. No joke. So I have been recovering the last couple of days. I am stilling running a low grade fever and I have eaten two meals since Tuesday, But I will say this in spite of it all: I can bend my fingers! Yes I said bend. I can almost make a fist. I am so excited. If this is just after one treatment, what will happen after two? Truth: I hate the process, but if the process will give me some of the pieces back of my life I feel have been t...

Well.... OK I am stumped. Not really sure where to begin, what to say or even really what to do with myself actually. Never a dull moment... that's me! I sometimes feel as if I have been living my life on a merry -go- round. You know the one on the playground we used to spin on as kids? Round and round we would go... One minute we were perfectly still, ready for the twisting mayhem to begin. Then we were off and spinning out of control. Remember how we would laugh and scream and laugh some more? Remember how much fun it was? So where has all my sense of adventure gone? As a little girl I had a real sense of imagination. I would build forts, fight off the enemy then have tea with the Queen. I would be a princess, a cowgirl and wonder woman all in one day. Today I would love to liken myself to a female Indiana Jones. You know? Dodging the bullet, swinging across the cliffs out running breast cancer and her consorts. With that image in my mind today, I must reach as far back as possib...

Christina--- God, are you there? God---- Yes child. Christina--- Have I disappointed you? God --- No, not at all child. Christina--- Are you sure God? God--- I am sure. Christina--- Then why has this happened? Why me? Why my life and my family? Why have You allowed this beast to drag me into her den? To feast upon me, and scar me like she has? Can't I just stay here, in the darkness... forever? Can I choose to forget everything? To just sleep. To be rid of her scales? God? I am really tired. I do not want to battle this merciless beast. I do not! I do not! I do not want to! God--- Christina...breathe. Stop holding your breathe. Go on, child just breathe . Christina--- (Loud exhale) God--- Ah, doesn't that feel better? Wake up now. Christina--- No, I don't want to. God--- But it's time... Open your eyes, Christina. Christina--- I don't think so God. No, I just don't think I am ready. God--- Open your eyes Christina. Christina--- Not yet. God--- Christina... Plea...

As a child my day dreams were filled full of fairy tales,--- princesses, castles, jousting, knights and riding off into the sunset. As a woman, my sights were a bit more realistic when I met my husband. Alright so Johnny isn't my knight in shining armor. Getting the man up on a horse would never quite happen. I think I would actually pay to see that happen! The two of us are a crazy, wonderful mismatch. Johnny and I met and married in 6 months time. Most of our family and friends thought we would never last. Well, here we are 13 years later. True we have had our troubles, fought our battles, but we have always come out on top together. The bottom line is this: We absolutely love one another! We have known that from the first moment we met. I know what most people think, but for Johnny and I, the old taboo of finding love at first sight was a perfect fit. Johnny was not just handsome, he was strikingly beautiful. His high cheek bones, brown eyes and cinnamon skin was more than my se...

As a little girl, I always wanted to be Wonder Woman. What little girl wouldn't want to twirl around transforming into her extraordinary alter ego? Like so many girls my age I dreamed about putting on this super heroes golden tiara and cuffs, red boots, snazzy one piece suit and of course her lasso of truth? The hours I would spend daydreaming, imagining and pretending to be this amazon princess... My parents still love to tell the story of when I was two years old and how I convinced myself I was indeed Wonder Woman. I climbed up and onto their chest of drawers with a cape (made from a towel) tied around my neck. Apparently in the very early hours before the sun rose they awoke to catch a glimpse of my tiny body projecting off their dresser, flying over their heads and across the bed all while shouting " Wonder Woman!". After all these years I guess it still comes down to my love of Wonder Woman. I am sure that it comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me as 'Chris...

My Joshua is 12 today. I just have to stop, and let it sink in.... Unbelievable. Has time flown by so quickly? Where did it all go? Joshua was just 9 when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. He was in third grade. We had just moved into our first home. I had just thrown him an out of sight Dinosaur party. He was still so young, innocent and untouched by real fear and worry. This year as Joshua turns 12 he has entered the 6Th grade. We have been in our home for 3 years and his party has no theme. For the most part Joshua is still innocent and young. But unlike before, worry and fear have taken up residence ---even if it is only seasonal. Indeed, life has changed. For better, for worse? Both I would have to say for I do not believe you can have one with out the other. Life's little lessons have big punches don't they? Joshua, my precious son, a boy becoming a man ,is kind, good natured, tender hearted and loyal. He has stood by my side through it all. Taken my hand when I least e...