I Wanna Be Brave...

I was blessed this weekend by having the opportunity to speak for many young woman facing breast cancer during a live news interview. I was beside myself and a nervous wreck, but the truth is that I had my wonderful husband and my closest friend there with me. True I could really see the affects of this cancer on my face, but I was sitting there, alive and able to speak for those that can't. So this morning in the midst of all that is happening with my dad and even with all these new, costly tests I am being put through, I offer this part of my inner thoughts to you, my friends.

I wrote this some time back on a really bad day. In my day to day struggle, and as I watch others struggle through their own battle with this beast, I know that I speak not only for myself, but for many others in how CANCER rips away at your spirit some days. This entry is for all CANCER SURVIVORS. I really feel it hits the nail right on the head in respect to even the strongest survivors along the Journey.


I Wanna Be Brave

I wanna be brave today even though I feel like crying. I wanna be courageous this morning even though I am scared. I wanna be strong this afternoon even though I feel terribly weak. I want to believe today that there is a tomorrow and I want to know that hope is strong enough to carry me even though my faith has been crushed.

I don't want my heart to fall apart or let the world see my bandaged spirit. I want to be in control even though I know that I cannot hold back this beast forever. I want to smile easily and forget, even if it is just for now, how sad I really feel. I wanna be me again.

I wanna be brave, really I do. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to think about dying, I want to live. I don't want to be just a number on a schedule even though I know I really am. I want to think about tomorrow, but all I can really do is plan for today.

I wanna grow old enough to see silver line my hair. I want to be healthy and strong. I don't want to feel this pain within my body anymore and I don't want to worry about my children living their lives without me. I don't want my hair to fall out again or lose another breast. I want to live life as I once did, unafraid. I want to laugh and feel sexy once again. I want to feel uninhibited and wake up without feeling the reapers sickle at my throat. I want to be spontaneous and silly again, carefree without worry.

I wanna be me again. I want to live without fear, smile without hesitance. I want to be strong, full of courage and oh how I wanna be brave.

Christina

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2007 at 11:35 AM

    YOu are strong and brave for you are still here fighting for your life.....some time it's day by day and some time it's moment by moment but I night while I am waiting for sleep to come claim me......I am thankful I had that day, even if it was a bad one....I was kept near my family and that is all that matters to me.

    You are a warrior!

    K.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2007 at 11:37 AM

    OOOPS! You have a beautiful family! And your dog looks just like my sisters "Chico" lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2007 at 1:39 PM

    Thank you for speaking up for all of us survivors.  Even though you were nervous.
    You are a very brave  young woman and I admire your strength and courage.
    I wish you well, you and your dear Dad too.  Praying for courage for your Mum too.

    Keep fighting hard.

    Hugs
    Jeanie xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2007 at 3:08 PM

    Christina, your words said it all dear, may your wishes for yourself and others going thru this illness be given to all of you.  Bless you....Arlene

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2007 at 8:48 PM

    Christina, bless your heart, thank you for speaking out on the behalf of all who struggle with this devastating disease or may be faced with it in the future.
    You have a beautiful family and my hope and prayer is for you to be able to share many wonderful years with them.
    Thank you for your prayers for my brother. You and your family are in my prayers also.
    Love
    Debbie

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousSeptember 18, 2007 at 6:27 PM

    Beautiful family picture!

    Such touching words on behalf of
    all survivors!!!  

    Thanks so much for the prayers for my uncle...

    Keeping you and your(dad) family in my prayers!

    Hugs,
    Terri

    ReplyDelete

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