Life Lesson #462 ~ One Last Goodbye

“The hardest thing is the last goodbye, especially if you didn’t know it really was the last one.”  ~ Unknown

 

Goodbyes aren’t easy.  And they never really say it all do they? Goodbyes are just messy. At their worst they leave us abandoned with no room for understanding, second chances, forgiveness, or reconciliation. At their best, goodbyes leave us feeling misplaced and lost. 

 

Let’s be real. Doesn’t matter how many times we say them, nothing about a goodbye is painless. Absolutely nothing. Goodbyes hurt. They sting. Most of them are full of sorrow, anguish, and heartache. And if it's a final goodbye, well, it can take our breath away, can't it? Especially if it comes unexpectedly or abruptly. 

 

Death is the final goodbye. And he’s never a welcome friend. But he doesn’t care. He comes for the young and old alike. Death moves on his time, not ours. Yet somehow, we’re always shocked by his presence and angry with his lack of notice. We always want more time. Time to be angry, hurt and resentful or happy, content and reconciled.  Whatever our use of it is, we always want more. But time isn’t a given. It’s fleeting.  And never guaranteed. William Penn said it best, “Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. “ 

 

Death comes and goes and all at once we’re mourning, grieving, and reflecting. You’ve heard it said before, “grief comes in waves.” And it does. The aching and agony are intense, profound even. Loss leaves a gaping hole inside of us. And the sadness and loneliness following our initial shock feels heavy. So very heavy. The moment to right a wrong, forgive or even hold our loved one for just a moment longer or say, “I love you” is gone. But time is funny like that. Her hands are always moving forward, never backwards. Time waits for no one. She is in constant motion. Budda said, “The trouble with time is, you think you have time.” And he’s right. We think too little about it until it’s gone. Time, life and opportunity once lost, can never be found again.  

 

 See when Death arrives, so does Regret. She floods our minds. And her silence saturates the room. This very moment turns her  knife and the gravity of our last goodbye digs in deep. The significance of our choices shriek across our hearts and we know, without a doubt what was said in a moment of anger was temporary. Words that could have been forgiven, festered inside us. And the consequences of leaving our anger and resentment to rot, was a choice. A decision that tainted all the time we wasted. Regret reminds us in death that anger solves nothing. Instead, it truly destroys everything precious and good. .

 

This is the thing. Disagreements happen. All families are messy. Really messy sometimes. But not all families turn away from each other.  Mindy Hall nails it on the head. "Every action has an impact; choose wisely the impact you want to have." So, ask yourself this. “If my last goodbye was final, is this the one I  want my loved ones to carry to the grave?”

 

Bottom line. Goodbyes are final. Just as death is. There are no do-overs once life closes the door. Words, moments, or possibilities left undone, unspoken, or unresolved become permanent, incomplete, and unfinished. Once Death comes and Time passes, we don’t get another shot. Your last goodbye may be your one, final, last chance. So, make sure it counts. Be certain it’s the one you want to leave your loved ones or yourself with. If it’s not, there’s no going back.  

 

“Grief is the last act of love we have to give those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.” ~ Unknown 

 

~ Merida Grace