Life Lesson #460 ~Hate’s Hold

 “When we deny our emotions, it owns us.” ~ Brene Brown 

 

Grief. 

Sadness. 

Sorrow. 

Suffering. 

Heartache. 

Anguish. 

Pain. 

Fear. 

 

Every last one of these feelings and emotions turn up like some kind of a lemon, don't they? And by lemon I mean trainwreck. Implosion is probably more like it, right? Off the rails, through the roof, off key kind of hot mess. I mean we can throw humor at it all we want but a shipwreck is still a shipwreck. Kind of like a really bad adaptation of Inside Out.  

 

 Let’s be real. Most of us don’t like to talk about Grief or his not so content, very chummy bedfellows. I get it. It’s painful. Seriously, who in their right mind volunteers for pain? Grief can do a lot of things, good or bad if we’re honest. When we're willing to face it, grief can heal us. If not, it can tear us apart. The problem with ignoring our hurt and grief is the darkness it lets in. It eventually consumes us. Our unresolved emotions turn to fear and anger. We become desensitized, unaware of ourselves or those journeying alongside us. We stop considering anyone else but ourselves. Hate moves in. And believe me she’s a mean son of a gun. Hate is a fierce weapon, wielded by Fear.  

 

 Let me tell ya’ll once Fear and Anger are firmly in place, hate takes root like nobody’s business. You may not even know why you hate someone anymore. But hate them you do. She digs her claws in and goes boom! Setting it all off. Every last unresolved, deep seeded, emotional resentment, real or not, detonates. Completely blowing up your world. Incinerating it really. And no one is safe, least of all you. Every hurt and insecurity is lit up like the 4th of July and on fire. What about the fallout? Well, let’s just say it’s usually catastrophic. 

 

 Ahh but then something else happens. And it’s nothing good, that’s for sure. Especially when Anguish shows up with Pride tagging along on her skirt tails. They're a pair for sure. Beware when they offer you two forks and a sloppy side of regret. Cause, honey if you thought it was gritty or grimy before anguish showed up, mark my words things are gonna get a heck of a lot messier now.  

 

 Cue Regret. 

 

 Gotta love him. Regret elbows his way to the table. Planting himself there like a boulder. Now if you think Regret is the bearer of reconciliation or understanding, think again. Typically Regret brings more estrangement, isolation and sometimes even added hostility. And welcome or not, he brings some version of dejection, disappointment, and unhappiness with him. Regret leads to Despair. And Despair is just too unhappy to hang around the party by himself. He needs company. So, he introduces us to his larger than life companion, worry.  

 

 As for Worry, she’s a hot mess and can’t keep anything to herself. Ever! She likes to talk. Worry simply can’t help herself. The more she broods…the more she panics. Let’s be honest, she likes to dwell on the situation. Turn it over, beat it till it’s lifeless. Ultimately, the longer she stews and gets worked up, the more rattled she gets. Which, come on, we all know isn’t good.  

 

 Enter scene: Gossip and her sister, Rumor. 

 

 Oh boy! Get ready. Cause when these two join the party, things go from very bad to extremely worse. Gossip is brutal but Rumor, she’s a monster. She doesn’t care who she tramples. Rumor is deceitful. She’s a savage beast who distorts sincerity into insincerity. Rumor turns fiction into gospel, filling up any ears that will listen with her half-truths. She never has her facts straight, but she sure knows how to speculate, doesn’t she? Seriously, Rumor has no problem dragging you through the mud, and into whatever hullabaloo she’s got going on at the moment. The problem with Rumor is she knows full well there’s a difference between hearing and knowing. Like her sister, Gossip, Rumor has the dirt to spill. And she plants that story in open minds, every chance she gets. Whispering in your ear, "So the story goes”. Yep, she sure knows how to get folks all fired up long before, as Mark Twain puts it, "truth is putting its shoes on.” 

 

 Why would Worry lie to us, right? Or introduce us to Gossip and Rumor? Cause she knows how to light a fire. Not to warm your heart, but to break it. Look, Proverbs 26:20 couldn't be any clearer. "Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.” That’s all fine and dandy but here’s the thing…. we’re human. We have this little thing called pride and a big thing called a heart. Both get wounded. We worry, we fret, and we don’t always see things clearly. We think too much, obsess too hard, worry too often and communicate way too little. It’s a playground for disaster. And where do they all lead? Straight to Disappoint’s own front door.

 

See, once we step into those badlands…snares, traps and webs of Deceit and Deception are everywhere. And those two culprits, Deceit and Deception, well let’s just say they’re a furious duo of brutes. They’ll tie you up and lay you out, right at the feet of none other than disappointment. That guy, believe me, he comes in like a bat out of hell. Doesn’t matter who the disappointment is in…yourself or someone else. He’s a snake. A very large, menacing, browbeating trickster. He’s a tricky one. And usually, he likes to gang up with Rumor. You know, asserting assumptions into the torment as well. "The old saying, “Lack of communication ruins everything because instead of knowing how someone else is feeling, we just assume.”  

 

 Prompt Misery. 

 

 Personally, I’ve found Misery loves company. She’s the product of fear, anger, hate, self-loathing and yes, disappointment. She sets us up for disappointment and ultimately regret. She makes us feel inadequate, less than, or even better than others. She puts us right on up that high horse just to knock us down. And then laughs maniacally at us. You know, you’re basic, run of the mill villain. So, stop giving her screen time. Write her out of the picture. Banish her. Let her go. Wish her well if you want but walk away. Leave her to her own demise. It sounds harsh, I know. But Misery is no one's friend. She will steal, destroy, disrupt, and shatter everything beautiful, magical, and absolutely authentic inside you.  

 

 So, what can we do about her? Especially if Disappointment and Misery have taken up residence? Well, without hesitation…confront them both. Look them both dead in the eyes and walk away. We can’t grow if we don’t. Our lives can’t sprout or bloom otherwise. But who really wants fear to stunt their growth anyway? Look, blame is easy. Responsibility is not. So, my advice is this, as we open our final scene, be careful not to let worry in too often or for too long. Don’t let grief, sadness, sorrow, suffering, anguish, pain, and fear become something much darker or more sinister. Let them go. Loosen Hate’s hold. Heal. Open your heart. Let go of Hate’s hold. Be willing to listen. But mostly be willing to love and be loved.  

 

End Scene

 

 “You gotta train your mind to be stronger than your emotions or else you’ll lose yourself every time.” `Unknown 

 

 

~Merida Grace