Life Lesson #457 ~ Find the Lesson

“Do not think you can be brave with your life and your work and never disappoint anyone. It doesn’t work that way.” ~Brene Brown 

 

I've learned a few things in life. Well, let me take that back. I’ve learned a whole heck of a lot of things, good and bad. And all of it came with grief, pain, and a decent side of loss and disappointment. That’s life though, right? I mean we’re all here on this planet together. We all know, right? Pretty much I’ve found nothing turns out the way you thought it would. Absolutely nothing at all! 

 

Abraham Hicks said, “People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.” Truth? He’s unquestionably right. Although I’d also add, people will blame you for their disappointments too. It is what it is. Well sort of. See, the biggest lesson in life isn’t grief, loss or even disappointment. Though those life lessons all come with some sort of grit and a good wallop, dollop or punch to the face of dirt and dust too. 

However, the biggest lesson life offers us is the art of letting go. And it’s an art, believe me! A skill most of us would rather skip if given the chance. Why? Because letting go requires diving into the deep end of regret, failure and yes, there it is again...disappointment. 

 

So, the question is this. How do we deal with and process our letdowns and setbacks? I'd like to say we do so very carefully and with grace, but the reality is we’re all a bit messy with it, by admission or not.  

 

Everyone deals with letting go and disappointment very differently. I pretty much process everything slowly, usually with heavy steps and always, always with written words.  I prefer to write the speech rather than give it. Writing gives me time to collect my thoughts. And I do try, especially when I speak to do so with intention. I understand words hold weight and that they cannot be taken back. So, I do the best I can to be thoughtful, and careful with my words and what I say. Still, that doesn’t mean I don’t overthink. Cause I certainly do that a lot. That’s where my process gets tricky. Words and thoughts, no matter how well thought through or elegantly spoken, can make quite a mess of things even with the best of intentions. 

 

Seriously, my way of doing things can run amuck just as quickly as any good old-fashioned fisticuffs can. But it’s how I keep my head above water most of the time. I am a writer, so I write.  I work through everything on paper.  And yes, it can be a mess to sort out sometimes but that’s me.  

 

This is the thing. Each of us is given tools. We all have skills so to speak, and ways we approach disappointment. Some of us may keep very still and quiet. Others have a need to tell everyone their version of the story in short bursts or all at once. Then there's the folks who sulk, blame or fall on their swords. You’ve got those of us who get angry, clam up and pout. Some claim unaccountability and of course, those of us who will take on all the guilt and liability just for the sake of peace. Personally, I tend to get quiet. Question myself. Evaluate everything before sitting on each poignant, soppy, problematic and sensitive emotion in my head. Finally, I let it all out in a bunch of muddled up, uncomprehend able sobs. Then and only then can I put honest and genuine words on paper.  

 

Disappointment sucks. It really does. Nothing about it is remotely fun. But this is the thing. We’re not only going to disappoint our family, friends or the world around us... we’re also going to disappoint ourselves. And being able to admit and accept disappointment is the first step in learning to live bravely. The next? Well, it’s adopting and adapting the ability to let go. And boy howdy do those two words bite! 

 

OK. So how do we let go, especially if we love someone or something? I don’t really have an answer for you. As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, there's no clear-cut pathway. No road is the same. Some people are cool as cucumbers, others scratch or climb the walls. When it comes to letting go of grief, disappointment or loss we ultimately find our own way through whatever obstacle course life throws at us.  

 

Disappointing ourselves and everyone else around us is hard enough. Being disappointed by others, that’s a completely different beast, isn’t it?  It happens though. So, let’s get real. Sometimes, your ability to breathe is a disappointment to some folks. Not a pretty picture but true just the same. I don’t know about you, but I’ve learned the hard way life is heavy. Plain and simple. The weight of love, family, forgiveness and even hope comes with consequences. The question you gotta ask yourself is this. Are they worth it? And the answer is undeniably, YES!  Love, family, forgiveness and hope are always worth the lesson.

 

It may be an anonymous quote but it’s true. “Love comes to those who still hope after disappointment, who still believe after betrayal and who still love after they’ve been hurt.”  Can I just say it? This is the story of my life. Disappointment is my middle name! I never seem to have both feet out of the mud at the same time. I'm always disappointing someone, somewhere. It doesn’t matter how hard I try or how much I do, or don’t do. I can say all the right things, give until I am poor and still someone somewhere will find fault in what I say or do.  But that’s just life. You can’t please everyone all the time. No sense in trying.  

 

Just remember this. Disappointment is gonna show up and set up camp outside your door. It is. No way around it. What it’s gonna come down to in the end is how long you let her stick around. You may have invited her, or she may have crashed your party. Either way disappointment is knocking on your door one way or another. And no amount of blame will fix anything until you are willing to take a good long look in the mirror and speak truth to yourself. So, go on acknowledge her presence. Don’t be afraid of loss, but never lose yourself. Let go of expectations. Accept others are going to disappoint you. Keep loving them. Let them go. Heck by all means, let ‘em judge you, talk about you, say or do whatever they need to say to feel better. You worry about you. Keep breathing, keep showing up every day, all day.  Growing up is about loss, grief, pain, disappointment and letting go. Just whatever you do, don’t let disappointment steal your joy. After all, “The world doesn’t have to lose its magic just because you lost your pigtails.” (Amber Scholl) Remember that. Don’t forget it. 

 

Find the lesson. Have faith in yourself. You got this. 

 

“Life is not always a celebration; so be ready to courageously face disappointments when they come. And be sure to grow stronger and wiser from them.” ~Edmond Mbiaka 

 

Merida Grace