Life Lesson #453 ~The Magic Sauce

 

 

“I cannot remember exactly the first time your soul whispered to mine, but I know you woke it. And since it has never slept alone.” ~ JmStorm

Twenty-five years is a long time. Seriously long in fact. Like two and a half decades kind of long to be exact. We’re talkin’ back to the days of big hair, high waisted jeans and overalls. And let’s not forget my horribly dyed black hair if you want to get really technical about it. In some parts, life was simpler I suppose. I was young, full of energy, a bit shy, just finishing up college, and ready to tackle the brave new world outside my door. Twenty-five years ago, I still thought love was some grand, romantic, absolutely charming, picturesque fairy tale. Boy, was I ready to write my own story. But looking back I have had a lot to learn yet. Over the last two and a half decades, I’ve come to understand love, real, true love anyway is so much more than a fairytale. 

 

How about it? Wanna go back a couple decades with me? Like way back when Johnny first met Merida... 

 

Okay. So let me set the scene for you. I met my hubby at the tender age of twenty-two, and I married him just two months shy of my 23rd birthday. Exactly six months after he strolled into my life wearing a pair of starched wranglers, an equally starched western long sleeve, button up shirt, with an oversized belt buckle, cowboy boots and a black, wide brimmed Stetson at the local C&W dance hall, he was a sight, believe you me! And his smile? Well, it was complete perfection.  As for those warm, dark, brown eyes of his, well they melted me into a puddle of delirious bliss. I promise, you don’t want to get me started on his two stepping around the dance floor! Let’s just say he had me at hello.  

 

Love at first sight? Yes, it exists. I wasn’t only smitten; I was head over heels in love within weeks.  And yes, it was all those things mentioned above.  The fairy tale was there, within reach. We spent every waking moment together, tying up our phone lines all hours of the day and night, sneaking away on romantic adventures and planning our future together almost immediately.  We knew it was right.  We knew without a doubt what we had. How? Neither of us were interested in looking behind us.  

 

Love pulls us in when we least expect it though, doesn't she? At least that’s been our experience. Love, she’s intoxicating, or at least the idea is. However, real love is much more than a quaint romantic rendezvous. Love is peculiar, perplexing; and let’s be honest, exhausting at times. Love in it’s true form is both mysterious and difficult, and yes, usually all at once.  I can’t speak on behalf of anyone else’s personal narrative, but I can tell you this is exactly how ours unfolded. 

 

In the years since Johnny and I said, “I do” our story has had quite a few plots and twists. Definitely a bit more than I’d imagined.  Some good, others not so much.  Skimming the surface, it’s clear we’ve faced some tough times. Everything from financial hardships, cancer, loss of loved ones, chronic and at times, unbearable illnesses, marriage difficulties, near separation, quarantine and most recently a ridiculous brush with covid. And you’re right, many of those things could tear a marriage apart. Speaking truthfully, they’ve come close. But by the grace of God, none have succeeded.  In hindsight every last one has made us stronger, closer, teaching us to rely on each other even if we felt torn into pieces in the process. Most importantly though we’ve learned forgiveness is more than a word, but an act of love, both for ourselves, our marriage, and our family. Acceptance, along with real, genuine friendship has become ultimately more attractive than some imaginary idea of a fairy tale. What we have now is far more valuable than any other unrealistic storybook romance I could’ve written.  

 

Over two decades and two kids later I know this, “I don’t want a prince on a white horse. I want a weirdo who makes me laugh.” And I have to say, whoever coined those words really knew what they were talking about.  I love laughing with Johnny, seeing his face light up and hearing his voice crackle just a little bit is the best way to begin and end my day. Johnny’s smile still melts my heart, and his eyes are just as warm as the night he first swept me out on the dance floor. I won’t lie, we get mad, I definitely know how to get my Irish on. I fuss, he scowls; but in the end, we figure it out.  More importantly though, he still makes me laugh. 

 

In all our years together, Johnny has learned to put me at ease and talk me down from my occasional ledge. Without hesitation Johnny can let me know when I’m wrong and accept when he is too. My husband loves me just as I am, as I love him, imperfect and flawed. We’re lovers but we’re also best friends. We’re equals, balancing out each other's differences. And after twenty-five years, I'm not just content. No, I haven’t settled unlike what the peanut gallery may have thought. I’m genuinely happy. I’m at ease with being vulnerable and so is Johnny. After all, that’s what real love is all about, isn’t it? “Feeling safe enough to be vulnerable.” (JMStorm) I think the only thing either of us would do differently, if given the chance, would be to find one other sooner and maybe learn to be vulnerable a little quicker.  

 

As hard as it is, vulnerability is the key to everything when it comes to love anyway. It’s the heart of Life Lesson #453~ The Magic Sauce too. See we gotta learn to be open and unarmed with each other. Being exposed isn’t really easy, is it? But it’s necessary if you truly want an extraordinary kind of love. I gotta admit Brene Brown is right. “Vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.”  Yep, the magic sauce is right as Brene refers to it. Love isn’t some kind of unrealistic cooked up recipe. Nope. The captivating charm of a real relationship is learning to let go of expectations, go with the flow, to give and receive; and, as difficult as it may sound, leave your heart unprotected.  See, the magic of love isn’t in perfection. Instead, it’s in our ability and willingness to accept our partners beautiful imperfections. After twenty-five years of marriage, on our silver wedding anniversary it’s just how I’ve come to see it anyway. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.  

 

“Your soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully. It is someone who comes to make you question things, the person who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized, but an ordinary person, who manages to revolutionize your world in a second.” ~ Anonymous 

 

~Merida