Life Lesson #245~The Power of Forgiveness

“Make peace with your broken pieces.” ~R.H. Sin 

Let’s talk forgiveness. I know. It’s one of those dirty words we don’t like to use, isn’t it? Nope, it’s not a four-letter word so to speak but it definitely gets the same reaction as the notorious F word doesn’t it?  Who wants to forgive or forget, anyway? It’s easier to hold a grudge, right? Or is it? Does forgiveness really make us weak or is it possible letting bygones be bygones can actually make us stronger? So, what is forgiveness and why is it so necessary anyway?  

Granted most of us think of Christianity when the word forgiveness comes up. After all Jesus commanded His followers to forgive, but really, it’s more than a religious commandment. The concept of forgiveness is vital if we want to be happy or live freely. Tell you what. How about we just put the whole I command you thing aside for a moment. Christian or not, forgiveness is an important process. It’s not just a parlor act, an act of leniency or letting someone off the hook. Forgiveness is mercy. Think of it as a kindness… a grace we give ourselves on the way to healing. I think Morgan B. McKean hits the nail on the head. “If you want to be free of the trauma, they caused you, you’re going to have to forgive them, and yourself for the experience.” The question though, is this. How do we get there or go about releasing what hurts us so deeply? 

Well first what we have to understand, especially when it comes to the small things, is this. We all get hurt. Everyone we know has been and will be unintentionally or intentionally injured emotionally by someone they know till the end of time. It’s a fact. And the truth is, that someone may even be you or me. It’s part of being human, I suppose. Whatever the reason for a misunderstanding or injury, there’s a very simple and still extremely complicated resolution ...forgiveness.  

I know. There’s that dirty word again, forgiveness. Kidding aside, people are people. We’re all flawed emotionally. The reality is if we live in a constant state of anger and bitterness, we’ll find offense in pretty much anything, everything and everyone around us. Nothing will ever be right inside or outside our orbit. This is why forgiveness is not only crucial, it’s essential. I love what Gary Chapman says, “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy. Not to hold the offense against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.” And if I can add it's a declaration of self- care and worth too. 

This is the thing about forgiveness. If we allow our hearts and minds to heal by forgiving the upsetting actions of others, they won’t run us off the side of the road and into the ditch each and every time they spin out of control. Freeing ourselves from anger, bitterness and hostility makes it easier for us to harness the power forgiveness has. By embracing forgiveness, we heal the rifts inside us. Forgiveness isn’t about allowing a behavior to continue. Forgiveness in its truest form isn’t because the offender deserves your grace. The reason you forgive our wrongdoer is because you deserve peace. I'll tell you what. As hard as it’s been, I’ve learned this life lesson firsthand more than a few times. 

I’m not gonna lie. I’m a broken person. I have pieces all over the place. There are parts of me that have been shattered, stomped on and ripped to shreds. Heck, I’m not so sure some haven't been lit on fire or even incinerated. Seriously, on any given day I’m a complete train wreck. I’m sensitive. And no matter how hard I try I can’t untrain myself to be tough. I’m a softie. Which means I’m gonna take things to heart. My feelings are gonna get hurt. It’s just how it is. I don’t do confrontation at all. As for competition? Lordy, I might as well just give up and in when the flag drops. I’m a mess really. You know what though? For all the hurt, mix-ups or mistakes life has laid at my feet, my fault or not, the act of forgiveness has and will always be my responsibility...for myself and my own well-being. 

The reality is we can be angry all we want or hateful back till the cows come home, and feel justified in doing so. We can hold a grudge, give a cold shoulder and spend the rest of our lives being resentful and angry. And the truth is, it’s our choice. In the end those things only steal our joy. That’s why forgiveness isn’t only for the offending party, more importantly, it’s for the injured as well.  

Thinking about it, Cinderella is a perfect illustration of strength through forgiveness. And this is the reason why Life Lesson #245~ The Power of Forgiveness spotlight is on her. 

Look, I don't know how you feel or honestly what you’re going through. I do however understand how it feels to be intentionally and deliberately hurt. Letting those wounds go isn’t easy. Believe me, I get it. I know this though. I don’t want to spend my life on the carousel of resentment. Instead I want to be more like Cindy ...kind, gracious, thoughtful, full of compassion, filled with unwavering strength and forgiving in spite of her unrelenting, ruthless, snarky and unmerciful stepmother and stepsisters. 

Let’s face it, Cindy’s life is the definition of intentional harm. She had more reason than most of us to be angry, unmerciful, cold and callous even, but she wasn’t. Cinderella chose a different path for herself, one that took courage...she chose forgiveness. And in doing so, she gave herself peace. Cindy wasn’t filled with hate. She could have. Instead she chose to show kindness.  She lived by a code… to "have courage and be kind.” See, Cinderella took her mother’s words to heart and lived by them. “You have more kindness in your little finger than most people possess in their whole body and it has power.” 

That’s the thing about hate and forgiveness. They both have power. Whichever one we’re compliant to shapes our journey. Proverbs 10:12 talks about hate and forgiveness like this. “Hatred stirs up trouble; love overlooks the wrongs that others do.” (CEV) And it’s true. Hate just encourages more hate. Love on the other hand is about offering yourself grace. Remember, the guilty party doesn’t care about your peace of mind. In the scheme of things, you and I are responsible for how long we let the ghosts of yesterday haunt us. 

Ultimately hate and forgiveness mold us into their image.The choice is ours. My question is this. Which one would you rather be cast from?  The beauty of forgiveness is that it's a powerful magic we’re completely capable of wielding ourselves. Remember in the words of C.S. Lewis “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” Bottom line. Neither you nor I can thrive by righteously holding on to unforgiveness.  We ultimately thrive because we forgive by being merciful to the guilty and to ourselves. Remember brokenness isn’t always a bad thing. Being broken and making peace with our broken parts allows us to put ourselves together again in the most beautiful and spectacular ways. 

“I hope you have eyes that see the best, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith.” ~Unknown 

 ~Merida Grace