Life Lesson #234~ Sadness and Joy

“We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” ~ Brene Brown

Let’s be honest, Christmas can be difficult. Gathering with family can be both rewarding and trying. Finding the perfect gift only to find it’s the wrong size or color can be downright frustrating. And if you’re struggling financially, gifts under the tree can feel elusive at best. Throw in different personalities, tastes and opinions and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.  Face it, the holiday season can be complicated if not exhausting and overstimulating. 

For most folks it’s the most wonderful, magical time of the year but for others, it can be the toughest. Christmastime is a mixture of comfort and cheer, and heartbreak and hardship. And as much as we want it to be nothing but merry and bright, this time of year can turn gloomy and dark quickly. I suppose it all depends on which side the coin lands on. And without our consent, Sadness takes over. I know, I’ve been there before myself. The one time I remember most was Christmas of 2005. It felt as if I could hear my world literally cracking and falling apart.  Sadness and uncertainty were waiting on me at every corner.  And in the New Year of 2006, my diagnosis came, a late gift if you will, in the form of breast cancer. 

Looking back, I’ve most certainly known pain, faced death, loss and grief. I’ve felt Hopelessness twist and turn her dagger. And yet by God’s grace, even at my lowest, Hope has never been lost in the fight. I’m blessed, she’s always been there, hidden at times, but alive and breathing inside of me. How have I found the courage to free her from Doubt’s cage? Well, I’ve never believed God is a lair. I’ve trusted Him, even when I felt abandoned. See in spite of misfortune, His plans are for me, including Sadness. And when heartache knocks on my door, I simply tell myself this... even beautiful days can end in rain.    

Is finding Joy in the middle of conflict or tragedy easy? Heck no. Look, I don’t gotta tell y’all, the emotional well here is deep. Our emotions are like a body of water, be it big or small. And life? Well it’s packed full of powerful physical, spiritual, psychological and yes, emotional waves, right? Whether it’s a shark circling us in the water or a tsunami rushing towards our hearts, our emotions tend to rule our minds most of the time. Come to think of it, Crystal Andrus has the right idea. “Feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion. Witness it. Allow it. Release it.” On my worst days, when hurricane force winds are at my door, I breathe in, I breathe out and remind myself to let it go.

Have you ever considered Pain and Panic have a family album? I have, and I can tell y'all this. When daylight shines on the family picture it’s amazing who comes to light. What is it they say? “Every picture tells a story.” Well this family of emotions has a story, believe you me. Dislike ‘em all you want it doesn’t change the reality that every card-carrying member of Hades dysfunctional family tree can be found tangled up inside you and me on any given day of the week.  

Take our old friend Sadness from Inside Out. She’s gloomy and reluctant yes, but she can also be shy, compassionate and empathetic too. She pretty much signals headquarters when Riley needs a helping hand. When it comes to Sadness in our lives, she’s not always a grievous friend. Her path is a bit grave at times, I’ll give you that. However, she does care for us just as much as her counterpart Joy. We need sadness. Without her, a balanced life isn’t possible. And the truth is “sometimes the only way to really appreciate Joy is to experience Sadness.” (Disney’s Inside Out) Think about it this way. Pain and Panic while heinous, offer us life lessons we’d certainly skip out on, if left on our own. Not sure who said it, but they nailed it. “Your path is beautiful and crooked...just as it should be.”  

I know how it feels to be left out, ignored and even mistreated just as Sadness did in Disney’s Inside Out. And I completely related when she told Joy, “I’m too sad to walk." Just because I’m one of those happy go lucky types doesn’t mean I don’t get the blues. Sadness isn’t easy company. But before I say any more, let me say this. I’m not downplaying the painstaking effects of chronic depression. And neither should anyone else. Let’s not get the two confused. The sadness I’m talking about today is different. This kind of sadness sits at depressions tables too, pulls up a seat and asks you to pass the gravy, believe me. However, her purpose here is different. This version of Sadness is the kind life dispenses without notice.

Sadness feels heavy, extremely weighted and exceptionally burdensome at times, doesn’t she? And as for her friend Sorrow, she’s a tough bird too. She sneaks in right behind Sadness. Sorrow likes to penetrate every nook and cranny of our being. And with Sorrow comes Dejection and Worry, right? Doesn’t matter what time of day these two, party crashers wiggle their way in, set up shop, and fill in every crevice with despair and misery.

Let’s face it our emotional lineup isn't a warm and cuddly bunch. And Hopelessness isn’t an exception. She’s simply a defeatist. Nothing can go right when she’s in charge. Hopelessness is constantly feeding Sadness. As for Fear, he’s Pain and Panic’s right-hand man and our friend Sadness's’ troublesome brother. His job is to spook us and he’s good at it, believe me. His purpose is to circle the wagons of doom all while aiming his sling blade full of dread in our direction. Fear and his ring leading siblings love attacking our self-esteem. Think about it. Their sole purpose is to keep us in bondage to the enemies lies. I have four words for you though...don’t take the bait!   

When we’re dealing with Sadness, Hopelessness, Fear, Dejection, Worry and Sorrow we gotta put the brakes on. You know, turn a deaf ear to those hooligans and their shenanigans. Our enemy and his band of minions have no choice. They must flee at the sound of our Jesus’ name. That’s what I believe anyway. When His light is shining from within me, Fear, Doubt and Hopelessness can’t stick around. Psalm 18:16 imparts this loud and clear. “He reached down from Heaven and rescued me; He drew me out of deep water.”

The reality is Christmastime isn’t always filled with tidings of joy. Christmas is a mixed bag at best and the enemy, he loves to empty it at our feet. Be it loss, family drama, financial difficulties or deteriorating health, this season can be brutal. Fear and Hopelessness tend to leave our hearts raw, split open and bruised. Sadly, in spite of our protest, it’s just the way it is sometimes. Without as much as a how do you do, we can wake up behind enemy lines, defeated with our hearts gaping wide open. However, learning how to combat this nutty family tree means understanding the role Sadness plays in our lives. The bottom line is Sadness isn’t diabolical or sinister. She’s largely misunderstood really. And if we’re being honest with each other, every one of our emotions, good or bad, has a purpose and a role to play. Life, like our emotions is all about balance.  

I can’t tell you the road will be easy. And anyone selling you one, is a fraud. Besides, I don’t think I’d know one if it hit me in the face. The reality is Sadness, is just as much a part of me as Joy is. And Life Lesson #234 ~ Sadness and Joy, is a reminder of this. As for Christmas? Well, it may not be your cup of tea, but like any season it passes. The trees come down and the lights will put away. In the meantime, remember this. Grace has already won the war, Satan has no authority here. Joy is yours, even if she’s out of sight for the moment. Never forget, Hope is your alley. And while Sadness may be your constant companion, so is Courage and Tenacity.

Do me a favor? Bolt the door to your heart shut. Today we’re not letting Sadness or her siblings in. No, I can’t guarantee tomorrow, but today doesn’t have to be her day either. Remember, Joy comes and goes. Sadness is temporary but Hope is forever.

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” ~ Brene Brown

~Merida Grace