Life Lesson #231~The Beauty of Brokenness

“You’re beautiful because you know your own darkness and still, that alone doesn't stop you from finding your own light.” ~ R.M. Drake

If you’ve been following my adventures for any time at all, then you have a pretty good idea I’m a hot mess. It’s undebatable. Right from the start I’ve had a bright, intense, passionate fiery streak running through my soul. True, my red hair might’ve something to do with it. I won't deny the possibility. Being a redhead has its unique and sometimes distinct attributes, there’s no denying it. On the other hand, I simply have a free, spontaneous, unconstrained spirit. And let me be plain, my heart, is just as naturally open and genuinely free and easy as my soul is.  

Sure I open my mouth and my southern falls out. I’m a yes ma’am, don’t get your panties in a bunch, come hell or high water, thank you kindly, boot wearing, jean lovin’, bless your heart sayin’, raised on cornbread and sweet tea kind of girl. As a child finding me around the side of the house mixing up mud pies wasn’t unusual. My mama can attest to this unequivocally. Nether was hearing her hollering from the kitchen to quit jumping on the bed. See, I was the girl you came across hanging upside down on the monkey bars, swinging from a tree or attempting to fly off the top of the staircase with a cape no less. I guess you could say I’ve been rather daring and venturesome my whole life. It’s just come naturally I suppose.

Thinking back a ways, Merlin’s words straight outta Disney’s The Sword and the Stone sank in the moment I first heard ‘em. “It’s up to you how far you’ll go. If you don’t try, you’ll never know.” And so I tried whatever came my way. Learning disorder and all, I read until my eyelids bolted themselves shut every night. I ran, roller skated, danced, sang, and painted until the sun set. Merlin was right after all, “the only way to learn it is to do it.” And I learned to see the world through a different set of eyes. Not with fear, or hesitation but with boldness and delight. Where the world saw a bare and desolate place without hope I saw possibility. You gotta understand through the eyes of a little girl plagued with flaws and glitches, even the desert held unrivaled beauty.  

Like Wart, in the Sword and the Stone, I’m a bit awkward and strange in the eyes of the world. I’ve never walked a straight line. Instead this girl has undoubtedly run in zigzag motions most of her life. I’m one of those women Brook Hampton refers to honestly. “I stumble on my words, I’m chaos and a bit awkward and sometimes I’m paralyzed by the fear of not being enough. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe I’m here to prove that you don’t have to be perfect to be a Warrior Queen.”  

The thing about Wart, nicknamed by his well-meaning but pompous foster family, is he’s brave, hardworking and kind. Despite his present circumstances, he believes he can become a knight. Wart has hope and of course his mentor Merlin, who regardless of Sir Ector and Kay’s persuasions sees greatness inside him too. Sure, Wart has problems. I know I have all my life long. I’m sure you have too. Merlin hits the nail on the head. “Everybody’s got problems, the world is full of problems.” And he’s right. This is the thing we all need to understand though. Life goes on, dreams still blossom and our realities change. Now look, I won’t lie or try and convince you I’m just a positive person. The reality is I’ve learned many of my own life lessons through hardship. I’ve come by my strength and light-footedness so to speak, at the hands of tribulation and suffering.  

Walking in the footsteps of Wart, life has had many lessons to teach me. And like him by unlikely means, I’ve found my place in this world. One which doubted who I could be, calling me names and attempting to steal my joy. See, I found my name, and I found myself. Sure, it took time, I had to allow God to gracefully break me. And that wasn’t easy, let me tell y’all. You know thinking about it Dr. Steve Maraboli states this truth perfectly. “No matter what I’ve been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.” And I do. Despite the hardships, misfortune, affliction and downright misery life has thrown my way I carry hope. And as for this calling I was born to grab hold of?  It’s in my sights but just like Wart, I had to be forged in the fire first. 

If I took you back to my childhood you’d see exactly what I did. Growing up I often watched my parents struggle. I can’t tell y’all how many nights I witnessed my folks down on their knees praying, asking God for His grace. Because they trusted Him, I wasn’t afraid either. I saw the hope of Jesus Christ living inside my mama and daddy. Romans 12:12 never fell short. “Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.” I’m so thankful for the faith my parents lived out loud in front of me as a child. It shaped me. Being young and impressionable I could’ve been sheltered from the storms. I’m glad I wasn't though. My spirit was fed at the table of grace and my thirst quenched at the foundation of hope. Truth is, I was ripe for the picking. My story could’ve played out very differently really. Fear and uncertainty could have tainted my faith and bruised my heart if not for my parents. They steered my tender life gently away from the bitterness and resentment of an early pruning. In their place, I found joy even in the suffering. Proverbs 17: 22 quickly became a sounding bell in my life. “Being cheerful keeps you healthy. It is slow death to be gloomy all the time.”

I guess I could’ve questioned the big man in the clouds, but from the time I was a baby, my mama and daddy made sure He was real to me. Not some giant, towering judge with a gavel waiting to pounce. I knew kids who saw God this way and they feared, hated and wanted nothing to do with Him. I never envisioned the man upstairs I called Father as anything but warm hearted and devoted to my well being. I’ll tell y’all now I haven’t always seen eye to eye with Him, that’s for sure. Still He’s my greatest source of strength, joy and hope in any and all circumstances. He’s seen me through grave and dark days when death knocked steadily on the door. He’s held me, protected me, wiped away my tears and cried with me like the Father He is. Never has He left me alone. In every sin, misfortune or gift given me, I’ve learned to rely on God in everything. He is for me, not against me. Chris Sain Jr sums things up perfectly in my eyes. “There is beauty in being rejected, misunderstood, unseen and unsupported by people. It teaches you to rely on God for everything…”

As a little girl I never questioned my parents resolve. I never had to. In spite of whatever storm was blowing through town, our home always withstood the winds. Perfection died at the hands of God’s grace years before I understood fear or pain. And so, because of my parent's faith I learned to trust God in the same way they did..completely. Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I was still afraid of the dark and the monsters who lived there. I saw my parents go without more times than not. And yet still their faith never strayed or faltered. As a child this was a powerful statement. Their confidence and conviction became the very foundation I built my own life and the depths of faith on. And in spite of the chaos in the shadows all around me, no fear could penetrate or overcome God’s promises. As Psalms 16:8 tells us, “I am always aware of the Lord’s presence, He is near, and nothing can shake me.”  And His words here have and will always be my truth.

The reality is I can’t tell you our wants have always been met. I can say however each and every need has always been met. No one’s ever gone to bed hungry. God, my Father, even in the unclear moments has never ceased to be the God of all of me. And even all these years later, at my lowest, the words of Rhian Ellis never fail to find me. “The worst thing in the world can happen, but the next day the sun will come up. And you will eat your toast and you will drink your tea.” She’s right you know? I mean, sure there’s been a number of things gone wrong, dead wrong in fact through the years. One day it’s work, the next it’s my health, our finances or watching one dream after another fall through the cracks. Life has been hard. Nothing’s come easy and what has, hasn’t ever stuck. What I can tell y’all is this. I’ve seen my parents offer the very coats off their backs to strangers, even when it meant going without themselves. You see, I grew up fully aware of something many sadly never understand themselves…. brokenness is stunningly beautiful.  

I can tell you I’ve seen hope in the midst of despair and love in the face of hate. I may not always win the battle, but I know whose already won the war. I hold tightly to hope and allow the God of my heart to fan the flames of my soul every day.  My story may not end as Warts did, pulling a sword from a stone, crowned King but I still wear a crown on my head. No, I’ll never be hailed a Queen, but I’ll tell y’all this...I’m forever and always the daughter of the King of Kings. This is my story, who I am and the path I’ve taken. The path before you is yours and yours alone to decide. Your story is just that, yours to tell. As for me, well no one can alter my course now. It’s set. The hand who’s writing my story is the Author of life Himself. I trust Him, period. He’s always been faithful and always will. He’s conquered death, closed the mouths of lions and walked on water to reach me even in the middle of a hurricane. So why would I doubt Him now? You know what? I don’t know about you, but He seems capable in my book. Besides, the ink’s set and no one or anything can erase His words written across the pages of my soul.

I’ve learned there is an abundance of beauty in brokenness. Finding the beauty isn't hard. However, holding on to it can be the challenge. And while sometimes the lessons life offers us are important, they aren’t always clear. That’s where faith comes in, now doesn't it? Tell you what. Let's revisit Merlin’s words one last time before our lesson here is put to bed. “It was worth it...if you learned something from it.” As I told you at the beginning of this tale, I’m a hot mess. I’ve lived and dreamed from a prison cell. And now freed, those chains have been broken. Still in my humanness, I’m imperfect. True to being a redhead, I have an Irish temper. I’m a sinner, saved by grace and given a new name. Jesus is for me, in spite of whoever is against me. He holds both the stars in His hands and my heart as well. I may not have all the riches this world offers but I have something greater. I have His peace. And so as Life Lesson #231 ~ The Beauty of Brokenness comes to an end remember the story of Wart, the boy who would become King one day. Doesn't matter how you stumble and fall or fail even. What matters is you get back up again?  

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~ Nicole Reed

~ Merida Grace