Life Lesson #227 ~ Living A Captivating Life

“I’m not the same girl I used to be and I’m not sorry about that. It’s called growth --- and I thank God for it every day.” Cici B.

How would you describe yourself? Are you quiet, shy or loud and the life of the party? Would you rather have your nose in a book or be the bell of the ball? We’re all different. We react, respond and reciprocate in vastly passionate ways. Personally, I’ve always been a Princess Mia. “My expectations in life is to be invisible, and I’m good at it.” I  don’t like the spotlight. I’m happy with being a wallflower and I rather like things this way. I’m not a fairytale princess. I’m not trendy. I’ve never been popular. I’m definitely not ironically beautiful, that’s for sure. I’m a redhead. Freckles are my only real indication of a tan. I’m weird, awkward and odd. I’m a writer. Not a starlet or beauty queen. I’d rather be the woman fixing another’s crown than the person shouting to the world it was on crooked to begin with. I like being behind the scenes. This is where my comfort zone lies. I don’t do normal. I’m not going to ride off into the sunset or grow old gracefully. However, you can bet your bottom dollar, I’ll write that scene for you if you’d like. Shout out to the normal world.  Stop trying to make me fit into yours. I’m not interested.

I’ve never really fit the mold out there. I never will either. As a little girl I loved Disney’s 1950 version of Cinderella. By God’s grace I never had to face the battles she did. I had my own. I remember how all the little girls spoke of her, especially at birthday parties. Being a princess with a castle, horse drawn carriage and a tiara seemed far more appealing than being ordinary. This is what's always gotten me though. How we compare ourselves so frequently and often. Cinderella was beautiful in her gown, glass slippers and perfectly swept up hair. This is how Prince Charming first saw her, but it is not why he fell in love with her. The key here is the word beautiful, gown or rags. She was kind, brave, selfless, humble and giving. Most importantly she had joy. This is what made her beautiful. She wasn’t trying to fit in. Cinderella didn’t force herself into a dress or even into those glass slippers of hers. They just fit. She wasn’t preoccupied with how the world saw her. Cinderella was instead thoughtful, graceful and compassionate in spite of her rags.

Let me say this now. I’m not a perfect 10. I’m anything but. My weight goes up and it goes down. My nails spend most of the month unpainted. As for my hair? It certainly has it’s good days and then some massively bad ones too. And while I'd much rather be barefoot, I’m a heels and lipstick girl too. I love my T-shirts and jeans, but I’ll gladly doll up on a special occasion. I’m a bit on the short side. I’ll gladly admit I’m average. As for my boobs? Well let’s not even go there, shall we? How about we just say they’re not exactly what I hoped for in life. I definitely didn’t plan on a modified radical mastectomy at 32, that’s for sure. However, life has turned out though, I wear my scars like a brand-new set of pearls. God’s grace has always been enough for me. It just has. If I could’ve said it first, I would've of. “ I was never meant to be perfect. Neither beautiful or rich or popular. Never meant to be a copy. I was meant to be myself. And I may not be the most popular person, but my heart sure is beautiful and rich.” ~ Unknown.  

I was born this way. Odd, different, creative and imaginative. I wasn’t raised to fit in. Honestly, I was encouraged to be myself even if it meant the world saw me as puzzling and strange. Pippi Longstocking, Alice and Princess Leia were my role models growing up. I imagine this confession explains a lot, now doesn’t it? I’m definitely a square peg in a very round universe. My parents sheltered my world in many ways, it’s true. I was never fully aware a ceiling was above me. I wasn't taught to be afraid of anything. If I wanted to reach any mountain in front of me, all I have ever had to do was climb. I’ve been broken, stepped and stomped on, tossed aside, dismissed and written off as incapable, inadequate and useless. Sure I’ve been thought of as every one of those dreadful, awful things. Know  what though? I’ve never been anyone but myself. God has always made broken look beautiful in my eyes. Now none of this means I haven't felt worthless. Oh man, let me tell y’all, I have. 

Knowing your not second-rate but still feeling inconsequential are two completely different things. The Devil wants you to feel third-rate, cheap, like a nickel -and dime show. The world outside your door will burn you at the stake as quickly as you can say I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. Once the haters, doubters and naysayers figure out you’re different, beautiful from the inside out, funny, gentle, brave, smart and rare they will turn on you lickety split like a sinner sweatin’ in church. Let them be, even if it hurts your heart a little bit shug. Don't let the scoffers or the peanut gallery discombobulate you, ya hear? Let them preach to the choir. Their message is about as ugly as homemade sin anyway. You keep all the quirky, offbeat qualities you own in your blood. Anyone tryin’ to bleed you of it, is nuttier than a fruitcake. Don’t you dare shrink small because the riff raff can’t handle your shine. I like how Tina Fey puts it. “Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” Be you. Let the world eat itself up. Just don’t offer yourself as a sacrifice for a cotton pickin’ minute. You gotta understand something. God made you, just as you are. You are invaluable to Him. See yourself through His eyes, not yours. To the world, we’re disposable. Doesn’t matter who are you, what you know, do or accomplish someone will always see you as less than them. In the words of Pastor Dave, from God’s Not Dead. “To the wrong person you’ll never have any worth but to the right person you’ll mean everything.”

Let me tell y’all the problem with society's version of beautiful. It’s never what it really seems. The real McCoy is quite a bit different from the outside world’s reality, is it not? Think about it, We all pull up our britches the same way. Once we remove the outer layer of makeup, peel back the fake nails, pull out those hair extensions, scrub off the spray tan, put away the tummy tuckers and drop the trendy clothing what are we left with? I’ll tell you. We have a normal woman in front of us, don’t we? Imperfect yes, but extremely real and absolutely beautiful in every way possible. It’s all in how we see ourselves. We’re always wanting to be more than we are simply because we always feel less than we should.  

In the last five years I’ve learned a lot about how I see myself. It hasn’t been an easy thing either. I’ll be honest using the same words of an unknown author. ” I am built from every mistake I have ever made.” And I’ve made my share, believe me. The road to weight loss wasn’t an easy one. No one loses 65 pounds the easy way, right?  The truth is as comfortable as I am in my own skin today, I’m human. Twelve years after breast cancer I still catch myself taking a deep breath at the sight of my imperfect, chopped up, dissected and stitched back together again breasts. Some days they just seem to jump out at me with an irritating and foul stare. Seriously, why can’t we just look in the mirror, flip through a magazine or heck watch a movie without battling with our minds? It’s a warped world we live in honestly. Think about it.  We’re all so insecure with the gifts God has perfected in us, we reject them. Neither our physical charm or the beauty within us was created to be perfect. In fact our imperfections are the source of our true beauty...the very essence of our sparkle. Each of our flaws, and the unique grace we carry are meant to be distinct. When we’re real, walking in the God given grace Christ’s given us we’re far more alluring ( don’t choke, it’s the truth ladies), than we could ever be in any fake razzle dazzle. Let me share this with you. In the years since breast cancer walked in the front door, sat down and made herself at home I’ve learned to listen more and react less. And in the time since my marriage fell apart before God mended it, I’ve become extremely protective of the woman I’ve become. You see God grabbed hold of my insecurities, unwrapped each one and laid them out in front of me. In this, He awakened this truth inside of my heart...I am enough.

Know what it all comes down to? What we truly believe about ourselves. This is where we come back to knowing you're not second-rate but still feeling inconsequential are two completely different things again. The truth we all know but fail to address the idea that Hollywood’s idea of beauty is completely off kilter for cryin’ out loud. Think about it, everything we see in a magazine is photo shopped. I’ve actually noticed lately several celebrities getting on the natural bandwagon. Why? I’ll tell y’all. Women are seriously under attack and society needs to swing back to reality. The great beauties of the past were never photo shopped. Speaking as a woman, it's seriously time to get real and own up to the fact we’re obsessed with an imperfect ideal ourselves. So much so, we’re literally killing our bodies. I don't know about you, but five years ago I put my foot down. I was downright exhausted, tired and worn out trying to be someone I wasn't. I do what I do for me now, not for anyone else’s opinion or acceptance.  

Look, I don’t want to be 50 years old, still struggling to find myself. I want to be 45 now and know myself fully. I don’t need heavy red lipstick, a blond wig, trench coat, sunglasses and black boots to be captivating or fascinating. I don’t mind wearing any of the above. I just don’t need to. I won’t pretend to speak for all women. I can’t. We’re all put together differently. For me personally, I’ve had to resolve this conflict inside my own heart. I absolutely needed to take back the fight and be free. Now, I realize there’s this super; skinny, sneaky sly ninja out there lurking somewhere and she’s probably waiting to take me down. Probably, but the reality is this time around, she’s going to meet the woman I am, not the one I think I should be. Romans 12:6 begs us to stay focused, genuine and authentic and not imitations of one another. ” Let’s just go ahead and be what were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other or trying to be something we aren’t.” (MSG)   

So how do we shine like Cinderella instead of overcompensating like Anastasia and Drizella? First we have to give up this whole notion of a perfect body. Second ladies, we gotta clean out our insecurity closets. Third, we have to stop trying so hard to fit the mold. Even despite her stepmother and sisters jealousy, rage and fury, Cinderella did go to the ball girls. And you know what? She was captivating in her own right. We can be too. Remember what the Fairy Godmother said? “Even miracles take time.” So take all the time you need. Be in competition with no one. Stop playing the game the world keeps inviting us to. Like Cinderella, we don't have to compete with one another in order to attend the ball. God’s already provided everything we need. All we have to do is realize it. Cinderella herself said, “Just because it’s what IS done doesn’t mean it’s what SHOULD be done.” And this is honestly the light I’m trying to shine here in Life Lesson #227~ Living A Captivating Life.

Own who you are. Just let go of it...all the unrest, rivalry and conflict. Stop worrying about who you think you need to be and simply be yourself. Besides, isn’t it far better to have God’s validation than the world's anyway? When the world presses in think of Cinderella and what she had to say. ” The greatest risk any of us will take is to be seen as we are.” And remember, as long as you’re happy with who you are no one’s approval matters.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ Merida Grace