Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

I wanted to share this video with my blogging family. This is Joshua's choir singing Carol of the Bells. Wishing you a very Merry Belated Christmas!!! Be sure to turn off the music player at the bottom to listen. Christina

December has come and with her the greeting of winter. The snow has fallen; we have lit our candles, decorated our trees and turned on hundreds of tiny lights on our porch while basking in this magical season. We attend parties, we remember those we have lost and gather at the table of content. December always seems to bring us closer to those we love and hold close. It is a time for magic and memories and is the month blessings seem to come to us from all around. Life takes on a new meaning and we feel the love of both family and friends embracing us. We even find the answers to our prayers don't seem so far away even if they aren't the ones we were looking for. If we take the time to look deeper, to look past the pretty paper and the twinkling lights we will see what the season is truly about. You see when it comes to the giving of gifts this Christmas do we not truly find ourselves in the gifts of friendship and love? Christmas is here and even if we are living in the darkes...

For months now my life and the lives of my family has seemed to fall apart despite all our attempts to super glue it back together again. Almost like a crazy scene out of the old Hollywood screwball movies you know? Gluing everything but the vase which needs fixing right? Ironic isn’t it? In spite of the seriousness of our situation life seems to be rewriting this tragedy into some sort of comical drama. A clear contradiction in words I would say! Crying and laughing, laughing and crying, coming, going, to be, not to be…oh I give up already which is it? Six months ago life came to a dramatic holt for us. Everything in life we knew or felt was solid secure came crashing down, pulled apart by the seams. And I mean everything! I am not embarrassed to admit I have had a few moments when I have asked myself what God’s purpose in all this misery could possibly be. No I haven’t yelled and screamed at Him and I haven’t lost my faith BUT I have come close if I am to be completely honest. I hav...

Over this last weekend I was cooking dinner as the boys watched Disney Channel. My mind was not completely on the cooking nor was it completely on the TV. As I was stirring the pot in front of me on the stove I realized I was humming the Miley Cyrus song coming from the TV. Let’s see how did it go? “Life’s what you make it so let’s make it right”. Hum… let’s ponder this for a bit… Life is what you make it? Ok I can live with that but what happens when the tools you need are ripped right out of your hands? What happened when life takes your health? Life has sent me many obstacles, such as diabetes, stroke, bell’s palsy, cancer, lymphedema, R.A. auto immune disease, and list goes on. No, I am not listing these complications because I want sympathy; nope I am doing so because we have lost our health insurance. Yep, that’s right you heard me correctly, I have no health insurance and all these pre-existing conditions! So what do I do? What do my children do? We have applied for Medicaid an...

Above is a recent project/interview the boys and I took part in. In order to listen to it you will have to turn off or pause the music player at the bottom of the page. The boys and I were featured in the 2009 calendar during the month of February ( She still has a few of these too ) but you can still grab up a 2010 calendar for yourself at and support the cause @ www.alisamurray.com Christina

I have spent the last two weeks going through family pictures, looking back through time so to speak and watching my children grow quicker than I ever believed possible. Joshua is turning 13 this week. A milestone in his life and a” take my breath away” moment for Johnny and I! In getting ready for Joshua’s birthday and celebrating his beautiful life I began a trip down memory lane I will never forget. I have sorted through picture after picture looking for just the right ones for his memory book we have been filling with letters from loved ones, friends and teachers who have all played a part in Joshua’s life. What I saw before me took my breath away… There in front of me was Joshua’s life, beautiful, tender, precious, humorous, heartbreaking and inspiring. I felt at times I was walking through time, watching life bloom right in front of me. I was struck by the moments caught on film and how they told a story of love and hope. In his pictures I saw life unfolding as I hit the rewind b...

Have you ever noticed just how much pink October brings? Yes I know it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month but I sometimes wonder if the stores put up so much pink people become blind to it. Now don't go getting me wrong, I really do appreciate the fact stores scramble to display pink teddy bears, bags and pink ribbon magnets for everyone to purchase but I have to stop and ask myself is this pink washing or helpful to the cause? I guess it started for me when I walked into one of our local grocery stores a few weeks back and was just blown away by what I saw; the whole store seemed to have gone pink. There were signs here and signs there, buy this and buy that. Everything from the soups, to the chips to the go green take home bags were pink or had pink ribbons on them. I was a bit overwhelmed to tell you the truth. I felt as if I was being devoured by a larger than life size pink cotton candy monster! So if I felt this way then how did the rest of the non breast cancer customers ...

Dear Boobie Fairy, Now I hear it's that time of year again, some call it BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH . A time of year when folk all over the world focus on defeating this beast we call Breast Cancer. She's a real menace you see. Scratching and clawing her way from one boobie to the next. She takes what's not hers and flees without so much as a please or a thank you. I have given this a lot of thought and so if you don't mind my dear I would like to ask you for just a small favor ? One is all I really need for just one has gone missing. Oh please oh please just one wish I need? Just a little bit of pink fairy dust sprinkled over me today if you please? For you see I woke up this morning and realized the breast cancer feign had snatched my left boobie away. Now I stand here looking into a not so magical mirror with only one breast staring back at me. Oh it's not so pretty with wrinkled up skin and an ugly scar spread across the place where ...

Saturday, October 03, 2009 was a day to remember. On this day I joined over 27, 128 people, 1,194 different teams, 1600 breast cancer survivors and an estimated turn out of over 33, 000 for the 2009 Komen Houston Race For the Cure. We ALL came from different paths, different faiths, different ways of life, different parts of the city and different backgrounds but we ALL came for one reason: To Eradicate Breast Cancer . A sea of survivors, mothers, fathers, little ones, babies in pink slings, children in wagons and teens holding the hands of their mothers and grandmothers walking some 3.1 miles in honor and in memory of those they love turned out to raced and walked together side by side. Yes we were there to make a difference and to raise the battle call but we were also there to remember and to take quiet pause for those we have lost. For just a moment let me share my own thoughtful insight here with those who may ask how 33, 000 women, men and children wearing pink and all kinds ...

Can you hear the howling wind? I can. The trees are rustling and I am restless. Do you feel the chill in the air tonight? So many forces seem at play right here , right now. Do I regret my path, do I fear the journey ahead? No, but I feel weary already. Time seems to be standing still. I feel as if I have crossed into an alternate reality yet my feet are still planted right here in the ground. The minutes pass every so slowly and with every tick of the clock I grow more aware something is wrong, something is moving, festering, expanding within my breast. Yes the sun has risen in the east today but I know, yes I am painfully aware my life has changed. I am no longer living in youth's blissful denial. No today the call has come.... today I became one of just under 10,000 women under 40 in the US to be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. That was 2006. This is 2009 and though many feared they would lose me here I stand. Today, October 1, 2009, marks the beginning of Breast Canc...

Have you ever had a recurring nightmare? You know the kind you wake up from with sweat running down your face? Can you see it? I sure can... I am desperate, paralyzed and running from the angry villagers following behind me. Their torches lighting up the darkness and then I fall to my knees at the edge of the unknown unable to get back up, helpless and alone.Well I think we all can agree 2009 has not been my best year! This has been my year to rant, rave, kick and scream and yes even to knock my own chair right out from under myself.( If you figure that one out please let me know will ya?) I have had several melt down. Seriously folks who knew water thrown at a non green person could actually cause her to melt? Let's retrace the last 9 months: Micah's mono. ( January - August) A new breast lump followed by a lumpectomy and biopsy. ( February) Port-a-cath issues --- who could forget the port! (May - August) Two insane surgeries (May/July) Johnny's job --- well what can I sa...

I recently came across this most beautiful picture and it took my breath away. Lady Marian stands behind a tree next to a stream. Her quiver sits gently against a tree while she holds to her bow. Lady Marian is watching a swan swimming down the stream as if she holds a secret. Has she lost something or someone close to her? Is she resting before taking up her quiver and bow again? As a child I grew up watching many of the old classic movies. I especially loved Earl Flynn's Robin Hood. I would pretend for hours I was Lady Marian and other times I would run around the back yard transforming myself into Robin Hood himself. There was no challenge too big I could not face. After all I was Robin Hood right? As the years passed and I grew older I would revisit my faithful friend from time to time when I was able to catch him on the AMC channel. But nothing ever compared to my days of romping through my own Sherwood Forest within the boundaries of my own backyard. Then recently I was intr...

How often do we get caught up in the running of our day to day lives? We run here, there trying to the best of our abilities to be everywhere. We take care of the kids, our husbands ( and wives) and anyone else we feel needs us that we simply forget to take care of our homes? Let me tell you it happens more often than any us would like to admit. Before we know it we are worn out, worn thin and unable to extend ourselves any further than our beds. So as I have pondered this theory this week I spent time cleaning, sweeping, dusting, moving things around and re- organizing my house. Talk about dirt, clutter and piles of unorganized junk! I moved from one room to the next, one day at a time literally. For months I had been hiding away deep inside my own skin, away from the outside world and my cleaning supplies! I had not realized just how out of whack my home was getting or for that matter how out of balance my soul was becoming. Isn't it the way it goes though? Life takes a bite out...

Where do I start? Do I really want to open this chapter right here, right now? No but ( this word seems to always make me see reason) I need to. This is our world, our life right now. The truth is I have been hiding. The last four weeks have been a struggle to say the least. Life has taken my little family and I down a dark and definitely scary road. One detour after another has led us deeper and deeper into the woods of despair... When did it begin? Well it all began back in the late part of July. My husband Johnny, bless his heart, came home with a look of fear and disbelief on his face. For days he seemed to be struggling with something though what I did not know. He was very quiet and way too attentive to me, even watching a musical with me claiming he actually enjoyed it. He began by looking me in the eyes, though he had had a beer or two by now I could see the depth of distress in his eyes. Then he told me he had something he needed to tell me. All I could think was oh no, here ...

Life is constantly changing is it not? Just take a look around you --- the sun never fails to rise or to set for that reason. Seasons change from winter to spring bringing both warmth and cold to our faces. The tides turn, the sands recede, the wind blows and the rain falls. Life definitely moves forward whether you are ready for it or not. This I know is certain: Rain or shine we must bend with the wind or we will be broken by the sheer might of her force. You may be asking how I can speak so matter- of- factly? How can I be so open with my life and suffering? Why have I made my life with breast cancer an open book for all to see and read? Well the truth is I have watched the last three years of my life carry on with or without my approval. Oh yes I have seen the monsters under my bed and believe me they are just waiting to pounce! On most days I am able to hold the bed down but there are others when one or two escape. Believe me I have lived through being dragged from my bed and out...

Ever feel as if you have fallen down a rabbit's hole? You know what I mean... it happens on one afternoon when you are just lazily strolling outside. You hadn't meant to find it but you did right?Out of nowhere you found an odd little hole and yes this is where you decided to just take a peek. After all it is just a bit curious... seriously what could it hurt right? Let's just see what may be inside it, just a peeksy. Hum... what could this bit of a nuisance be? It's just the tiniest of lumps. Never mind... "Alice, oh Alice are you listening to me? Yes, yes of course I am. Well, looky there! It's a white rabbit with a watch and he's telling me he's late. What on earth could he be late for? What? I am overdue... no you are over due! Very important, what could be so important? Oh well, maybe I should have kept my mammogram appointment six months ago? Well no bother.... oops!" The next bit of insanity follows when curiosity grabs t...

Yesterday as I wandered the aisles and through the shelves of our library I was reminded of a very powerful conversation I had with my son Joshua a while back. He was all of about 10 years old when he sat down next to me announcing he had come to an interesting conclusion. What was it you ask? Are you sure you are ready for this one? As most things are with Joshua he very calmly, very quietly announced his conclusion : "Living with cancer is like being a ghost. " Now how do you think those words struck me? Well, let's just say I first had to pick myself up off of the floor and make sure I didn't have a concussion before responding. As I recovered I felt the emotion in his words. At just 10 years old he had already seen some of the worst cancer could muster our way. For a bit I just sat there holding my heart in my hands going over his words in my mind. "You know mom we are still here but it feels as if no one else is. Like we are so far behind everyone else. Do ...

Any cancer survivor will say it is a long hard road to remission. Many times before we know what has happened our lives have taken turns we never saw coming. The road of cancer is not an easy one nor is it one of complete hopelessness either. We are all given paths in this life to travel. Some are well beaten roads, some are clearly marked and many are simply unexplored. So what are we to do? Do we simply give up, give in, throw in the towel, walk away? What do you do when your specialist looks you in the eyes and tells you you have breast cancer? Suddenly our road is broken is it not? Don't we honestly feel as if we have been hit from all sides? Seriously how do you prepare for something like breast cancer? You don't, how can you? But I will give you this bit of advice from my own experience with this beast... it's what you do with your life after the diagnosis. Our world has completely changed and fair or not we have to change with it, rearrange our lives not to fit caner...