Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

Good Afternoon! Ok I will try not to make this long, but I wanted to give everyone an update on where I stand right now. To begin, I will say that my heart broke today as I spoke with a woman who was there for us when we made our first step down this road of Breast Cancer. There she was beautiful and smiling and suddenly the realization hit me that she had breast cancer. I wanted to cry because I saw a beautiful, strong and determined woman before me and I hated the fact that TNBC had stalked her now too. But I will say that as I stood there talking with her my spirit was encouraged and my soul comforted as her strength radiated. I saw the warrior within her shine through and I stood in awe. She brought me HOPE , just as she had brought comfort to my family when TNBC first tried to over take us. After hugging her goodbye, I set off into the orthopedic's office. My knee is messed up and so on Monday, July 7, 2008 I will have my 8th surgery in 29 months time. Oh well, if it will take...

Since my battle with breast cancer began I have been called many things from ' Trooper ' to 'Fighter ' to 'Gladiator'. An unlikely gladiator at best I would say, but in looking back, I am truly humbled by the journey. I have lived and learned from this beast as I have watched others dear to me fall in their own battle. Living in the shadows can be menacing, but life in the mouth of the beast is harsher than her shadow. Stepping into the Cancer Arena can be terrifying as you meet your opponent and deafening as you adjust to the roaring spectators that surround you on all sides. You have been given no training for this chilling combat. Truthfully you have just been thrown into this battle as your feet struggle to hold the ground below them. Suddenly the realization hits you smack in the face that you may indeed be condemned to death if you can not find a way to out wit, out smart, out last and out fight this beast. The darkness that has been clouding your view, f...

Hello everyone! It has been a very rough few weeks for not just me but also for my family as we have waited in limbo for some kind of answer as to what these lumps on my skull are. But first I just wanted to thank all of you for your love and support, especially Mary and Indigo. I know I haven't been around as much lately, but I do read and treasure each email and comment. It has been these small tokens that has kept my spirits up. Thank you! I am still lingering , trying to find my way through the dark, but we have found out a few answers regarding some of the other issues that have been affecting my body. Chemo saved my life without question and for that I am grateful beyond words, but it has also reeked havoc on the rest of my body, my rheumatoid arthritis being one of them. As for the problems in my back, I have some really bad nerve damage , especially in the lower back from the chemo . It is not a surprise, I had just hoped to avoid it, lol . the other issues are my lungs,...

There are definitely those times in life that one could say that they feel like a living, barely breathing, spinning, hurling, pinging yes, out of control pinball inside the machine! A mouthful I know, but oh so true! When you have to let go and let someone else release that lever life can seem a bit out of control. That's how I feel sometimes, especially when I have to make my way through what feels like a maze of medical goo. There always seems to be the traps that feel as if I have fallen into, then there are those high balling pings that send me back and forth and finally there is that one last shebang that loops me right out and into the pit. Cancer and the life you live after in both her shadow and in the scar she leaves behind upon your body seems to constantly pull you back and forth through the machine. One doctor sees one thing and the other sees nothing. A test here and another there. I'm up one minute and down the next. Life is simply a tug of war between sanity and...

Good Morning! Well, I have never felt as frustrated as right now! I am still waiting on reports. I do have some information to share but not all. My ultrasound was normal so that is really good. My bone scan showed a fracture in my foot, that is healing. I had no idea I had done that, and my knee cap is unstable so I am being sent to an orthopedic. The MRI of my spine showed nerve damage and degenerative deteration the SI joints, the T12 L 1, 2 and 5 and the S1 so I am being sent to a neurologist for that as well. As for the CT of the skull? Your guess is as good as mine! The X-ray shows a mass, and you can definitely feel that there are 2 lumps close in proximately of each other. But when I had my CT last week the facility had everything topsy turvy. First they wouldn't do the CT with contrast because I was a diabetic so they did one without contrast, then they called me back almost 8 hours later ( admited they had things wrong) even though I had eaten ( you're not suppose to ...

Hello Everyone! Well, the last two weeks have been crazy. I saw a new doctor today that kinds left me with my mouth on the ground. He was very dismissive of me. He questioned everything my other doctors where doing, so I finally I just told him if he had a problem with my meds and what my 2 main doctors where doing that he needed to call them himself and not make me his middle man. Well, that put an end to that. then he told me the lumps on my head where nothing to worry about ( of course that wasn't his area of study). So I left shaking my head. So the last 10 days I have had 3 appointments with my doctors, had 2 MRI's and a skull x-ray. As for this week I have another doctors appointment on Friday and a I have an ultrasound on Wednesday. I also have a nuclear bone scan and just today a CT was put on my plate. My numbers are all over the place so that is causing a few hiccups. Good news is that my brain MRI looked good, so at least we know that my brain is intact :) which is g...

The Monsters Under the Bed Life is constantly changing. The tides are always turning and the sun never fails to rise nor to set. Life moves forward whether you are ready for it to or not. I have watched the last 2 years of my life carry on. Yes there have been those days that I have been dragged along quite literally with my feet kicking and my arms flailing. But non the less I have woken up to meet and greet a new day. So life's changes, the cycles change and the circle goes unbroken. With all we have been through as a family we have lived out loud in spite of this beast breathing down our necks. We have made memories, rejoiced in the victories and held our hope close as we ran through the darkness of cancer. So these last two weeks have proven to be just another turn in the circle of life for us. Over the last 20 months I have watched my boys grow as all children do. Yet, as a mother and a young breast cancer survivor, I have looked at them with double vision. I have seen wh...