Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

Christmas is not just a magical time of year filled full of bright lights, candy canes and gifts we receive under the tree. Christmas is a sacred time of the year. Those who are not spiritual in nature still hold the Spirit of Christmas sacred. Even if you are not one to celebrate the birth of Christ most of us honor the meaning of Christmas, the spirit of this blessed season through the giving of ourselves and of our time. Sacrifice is the main ingredient in this season of holly and mistletoe and though we may not always have much to offer most of us find a way to make what we have go a little farther, to bring joy to others and those we love. Christmas in our home has always been a bit of homemade love, sprinkled with joy and the opening of our home to those in need of hope. As a little girl Christmas was filled with wonder … dancing lights, a sparkling tree, a warm beautiful glowing star with outside lights paving the way for Santa. I have always loved this time of year and...

When the Fates step in, they can bring many things our way...beauty, joy, sadness, death or a mixture of emotions for that matter.  We may feel she has not been fair to us, given us the short end of the stick or maybe we are left standing on green pastures rather than infertile land. Maybe they bring goodness and kindness our way today rather than the fear and worry of yesterday. Either way, if we are relying on the Fate alone to chart our path, then we are gambling with our lives and with our joy, happiness and the inner peace we find in knowing our lives are in God’s hands. Now does this mean we are always happy where God is leading us or some kind of angelic peace takes over the worry our lives create? Nope, not at all, life is tough. No one is given an easy road even if they are born into what appears to the outside world as perfect. Money, material things and beauty are not the answer nor are they the key to finding happiness. Happiness, true happiness comes from another p...

Over this last weekend my parents treated the whole family to Disney’s Tangled. After checking times and deciding which theater we were going to Johnny and I made our way with kids in tow to meet my parents at our local mall on Sunday. Truthfully it has been a while since we have all been to the movies so I was very excited about this little adventure of ours. You know how it goes… the giant movie posters lined up in a row, the smell of popcorn and the excitement of grabbing the best seats in the house makes going to the movies a real adventure for most of us. So with our tickets, popcorn and drinks in hand we found our seats and waited for the lights to go down so we could be transported to a land far, far away. STOP! Alright you are tangled up in Tangled right? You are asking yourself, with two boys, seriously, a princess movie? Well truthfully it’s not so bad allowing the men in your life a movie from time to time where the hero trips over his own feet, learns a little hum...

Have you ever wondered if this were your last Christmas how you would spend it? Would you find hope and beauty in the time you had left? Would you be content in knowing you had loved and been loved? Would the time you were given to hold those you love dear be enough for them to remember you when December knocked on their doors the following year? In my life this is how I see each and every Christmas I share with my family and friends now. You see for me December 2005 was the beginning of an adventure I never saw coming.  Five years ago this very time of year I found a lump in my breast which would alter the rest of my life. I knew nothing of breast cancer or the path I was being navigated toward at the time. I did not know death was bidding for my company or that I was about to dive into a wrestling match with the Grim Reaper. I did not know my children, young and impressionable would have to face a journey of fear and worry alongside me. I had no clue the Grim would...

I love Thanksgiving! I mean who does not like the over the top buffet, the endless family gathered around the table and cooler weather? What is not to love? Well maybe the heartburn is nothing to get excited about but it is a time of family, giving and a time for gratitude. Thanksgiving has always been one of my most favorite times of the year. Yes I love the turkey and all the home cooked goodness we bring to our table but I also love the idea of giving thanks for all we have been given through the year. For me Thanksgiving symbols a change in the seasons, a time to appreciate the beauty of nature, let go of the warm, comfortable season behind us and prepare for the winter ahead. As I come to the table this year I bring a lot of worry with me as I also bring hope and faith with me as well. I do not know what the winter will bring our way, what hardships we may face or if the snow will bring us to our knees this year. But I do know as I sit down at our table giving thanks for ALL I ...

Just a few nights ago we watched the New Karate Kid together. I have to say it was rather good. As we watched though I found myself looking over in my boy’s direction realizing they are my very own Karate kids. Both Joshua and Micah have been through a match of their own with my breast cancer over the last few years but I know Joshua, as the oldest has carried a heavier burden. If would ask him what has happened in our lives, I am sure his response would be breast cancer, that’s what happened! There is a great quote in The Karate Kid. In many ways I see can see Joshua saying this very same thing. Dre Parker looks at Mr. Han after he has been hurt, after going several rounds in battle with the enemy and says: “Because win or lose, I don't want to be afraid any more. And I'm still afraid!” As Joshua has grown up on this battleground of the beast I have watched him live with fear but I have also watched him make the decision not to afraid as well. He has been his brot...

I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I had not been diagnosed with breast cancer. Would we have been as happy, as close as we are now? Sure I know cancer is nothing to jump up and down about, hoot and holler while shouting how wonderful it is to the world BUT cancer does throw a learning curve. I would much rather have my old form back, two breasts and not just one nipple. Seriously who likes driving around with one headlight? But it can be done if it is your only option right? Trading in an old Model T with 2 headlights for an old run down motor cycle with one headlight may not always be the best option but it is sometimes the only option. Yes in theory it sounds cool, I mean who doesn’t want a new motor bike even if it needs work right? What about a boob job, seriously doesn’t that sound wonderful? Trade in the old ones for new ones, raise those boobies from the grave, and take them back from gravity? Well if it were really that simple everyone would be ...

I never thought I would ever say I have a relationship with Breast Cancer, but the truth is I do. Did I dream about walking down an aisle, pretty in a torn pink dress as a little girl, nope I sure didn't. Did I ever daydream about looking the beast in the eyes and saying" I do"...absolutely not BUT in a way that is exactly what I did! I entered into a marriage of sorts with the pink monster the day I lost my breast to cancer. Unwilling , you bet, but for better or worse I am married to the beast. I came to the alter of cancer kicking and screaming, hands bound and breast removed but none the less I was sealed to this beast, this monster in February 2006. Do we see eye to eye? No we don't, but by making this relationship personal, I am able to understand her presence in my life a little better. I know she is afraid the day will come when these chains are broken on my terms and not hers. I know she needs me to thrive yet I know a cure is waiting, and she wil...

Its tea time in Wonderland… have you received your very UN-birthday invitation yet? It’s time to pull out the mismatched tea cups, the sugar bowl and the Hatter’s Topsy Turvy table of surprises. Tomorrow night, Saturday, October 16, 2010, I will host, along with Christina’s Breast Friends, our annual Tea’d at Breast Cancer event. This is an evening to celebrate life after breast cancer and a time to honor those who have lost their lives to this terrible disease. As we roll out the chairs, throw down the table clothes, cut the cake and toast one another we will be doing more than just raising awareness. No, we will be coming together and taking back a piece of our lives from the beast. Sitting down for tea with the Hatter is about as crazy as playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts, but in the end each event brings us closer to a new day, a new hope and provides another guided pathway back home. You see if we but dare to hope we are able to overcome, to rise above the chaos...

Have you ever wished life would get back to normal? Back on track, turn around and just let up during a stressful time? Have you ever thought this is just crazy? Well I can relate to all the above with one exception: I have stopped waiting for normal to walk back through my door. I have accepted life as it is, crazy, un- predictable and completely uncertain, not that I like it all the time but it is what it is right? As my kids say, normal is completely overrated! But then I guess growing up in the world of the beast, where breast cancer lurks around ever corner, one would develop this opinion. Seriously when you live in a world full of uncertainty, where a beast roams freely, and the color pink seems to define your way of life normal just becomes overrated. Life in this world of the beast is not as terrible as some may think. No, it is not a life one chooses but if you find yourself residing within the beast’s borders, life can still be a beautiful journey. Sure your home may...

Have you ever asked yourself what it would be like to be a child growing up inside the lair of the beast? What if you were just 9 years old when your mother was diagnosed with breast cancer? What would life be like wondering if your mother was going to die from a beast you really could not see or feel when you were just 6 years old? To watch her lose her hair, her breast and all the innocence you once knew?  These are the struggles so many children face each and every day. Many wake each morning to face the beast overhead as they watch their mother’s battle breast cancer, their fathers fight to keep it together and as they themselves try to be strong for those they love. My precious boys, Joshua and Micah, were just babies in retrospect when the beast first came to knock on our door, to drag us down the rabbit’s hole and into Underland. They had no say so in the matter; all they could do was run to keep up. I can’t tell you how many times children are over looked, after all...

October is here… and for my family it means Breast Cancer Awareness month has arrived. Many of our monthly activities are planned around this Pink Ribbon month from walking side by side in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure, to fundraising, to just taking the time to celebrate another year I have with my beautiful family. For many this month is a time to continue the journey in memory of those who have left us all too soon. We walk, we run; we live and we breathe the color pink during this time of the year. All in the name of defeating breast cancer... a worthy cause in deed. Yes, I am a breast cancer survivor, one of the lucky and very blessed ones who has been given a second chance to raise my voice, to see my children grow and to wear my pink ribbon proudly. Who knew all those years ago as a little girl I would stand here today shouting to the world I had beat cancer. By the grace of God I can shout I am alive, I am in remission and yes it does rock! I know the beast could ...

I woke up this morning as I do every other weekday morning falling out of bed, turning on the computer, crawling my way into the kitchen and into the boy’s rooms. Once my eyes finally open I put breakfast on the table, get back packs in order and stop to pause and kiss my children on their way out the door reminding them to say their prayers. After cleaning up, making beds, washing up the dishes, putting the dog out and taking a deep breath the silence becomes almost deafening honestly. I know I should embrace the quiet and enjoy my orderly house for the day right? I do, really, but I also miss my kids and the sometimes crazy but always beautiful noise they bring into my life on a daily basis. With all we have been through as a family over the last 4 years you would think I would be tougher than this right? You know the “one tough mama” thing? I may be stubborn but tough… not at all. I am a simple woman, a mother and a wife who sometimes feels a bit inadequate but always tr...

Can you imagine a world where the journey is the destination? Where the sky is turned upside down and the sun has turned blue? A place where the train does not take you there, but where you follow the tracks instead? Maybe a world where there is no normal and the meaning of the word normal is unusual? I know of a place, a world not too far off the beaten path where the destination is just the beginning… A place where you are who you are from the inside out instead of from the outside in. A world like no other you have ever seen where a promise is the gift we find in our journey instead of the promise we never find at end of the rainbow. Yes, a place where nothing makes sense at all yet everything makes perfect sense at the same time? Have you ever thought about a world where we could simply be ourselves? Not a world where we are trapped inside a shrinking box? For me this world well it would be a place where living with one breast in a two boobed world is not just ok but be...

I awoke today with sadness, a heaviness lurking just under the surface. This grief came suddenly yet not unexpectedly. I tried as I willed to push it back, as far away from my heart as possible not wanting to have to face cancer’s long cold stare. But all the same cancer crawled out from its ugly rock and looked me straight in the face. Yes, cancer came to my door today and hit me over the head. You know the one we all see sitting there, unmoving as we dance and walk around it day in and day out? It has been hard for me to see as I have tried to navigate through the heavy darkness since it rolled into my heart yesterday. The truth is I have been stumbling around in a fog since the dubious rock sitting outside my door brought news of the loss of one of cancer’s most powerful voices. His name was  Donald A. Wilhem . Don was more than an author or another blogger.  No Don was both a friend and cancer survivor as well. In fact Don was a four time survivor and five...

There are moments in my life when I seriously question where my childhood dreams went wrong. I mean was I the only little girl who wondered what it might be like to travel to distant lands and experience the world through untouched eyes? What about all those long afternoons spent under the tree of Hopes and Dreams? Didn’t we all steal a moment at least once under her majestic canopy? Do you remember feeling the wind brush your face and the warm kiss of the sun as you lay under her blowing leaves? Oh I do! How I longed and dreamed of dancing everyday beneath this beautiful tree with all her grandeur. Oh the charming scenes I would play out in my imagination, the worthy king by my side, the smell of the mad hatter’s tea, the glass slipper finally being placed upon my foot, becoming a queen to a handsome, strong king who saves the day? Well as my story unfolded life didn’t quite go so romantically now did it? Nope, not really…. The fall down the Rabbit’s hole, well it was a bit to...

What has cancer taken from me? Well honestly this is a very loaded question. If we look at just the surface we can find many, many things…like for starters my breast? I can tell you this one was not easy to let go of. Seriously I was not keen on this detour life offered me. I did not go into the O.R. skipping while whistling a joyous tune I can assure you! It was not like I said yepee and accepted an invitation to Cinderella’s Ball or anything like that. Nope it was more like losing my glass slipper on the way to the ball and walking on broken glass the rest of the way to get there. The truth is I knew if I did not walk through the shattered glass beneath me on my way and let go of my breast I would have had to let go of my life. Yes I lost my hair, my eyebrows, and my lashes (Not ideal for a princess. I mean seriously how does the crown stay on?) And I lost time with my children…time watching them grow, giggle and laugh through what was supposed to be an ideal childhood. But ...

I have been asked many times what does it feel like to be a survivor? Did you ever really feel as if you were dying; did you ever want to give up? Well truthfully I am never really sure how to answer those questions. I guess if I had to break it down I would first say I am just an ordinary woman, there is nothing special or incredible about me, the only thing that may be different is that I have fought a lurking beast hiding in the shadows for the better part of the last three years. I have never really felt exceptionally brave about going head to head with this breast cancer beast. In all honesty I have been more like a crazy; I don’t think so kind of gal in the whole the beast vs. me battle. I have just never been one to give up, toss my glove in or hand over the hope I cling too. I was taught to be a fighter, to be an optimist and through growing up in and out of the refiners fire I guess I always felt tomorrow would come either here on earth or in the glory of the heavens. Eith...

Over the last couple weeks I have been rearranging our home. Moving this and that, upstairs no downstairs… believe me it has been an adventure. You may be asking yourself what sparked all this? Well I guess it was the 5th anniversary of our home. I could not believe it myself but it has truly been 5 years since we bought and moved into our home. After nine years of marriage Johnny and I had finally been able to buy a home of our own. We were so excited because it had taken us a long time to be able to come to the table and sign those scary yet wonderful papers. We moved in on June 30, 2005, my thirty-second birthday. Little did we know this year would bring so many changes to our lives? We celebrated with a great family vacation that year, had friends over every weekend and enjoyed the prospect of good things to come. In the six months to follow the changes we wonderful…a new home, a new school for the kids and In December just six months after we moved in to our home I found a lum...