Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

This is a bit of a re -post but it sums up how I feel right now as I am looking ahead at having 2 surgeries in the coming months to correct what the last surgery did to my body... Is it a bit indulgent to say breast cancer, is honestly the best teacher this woman has ever had? When all this first began, it was like being sucked up into a vacuum. It was just pure chaos. Crazy does not even begin to cover it. There was no way to see the forest for the trees frankly. The words, "breast cancer," seemed surreal. It was just an elaborate hoax being played on me because there was no way I had cancer. But the truth was, I did. Suddenly all my fears were front and center demanding all my attention. Up until that moment, I had just been coasting through life. Yes, I needed to take better care of myself. Yes, I really should have dug myself out of the mommy hood trap, but I was content with life just the way it was. I had no real concerns about the future or how I looked to others. I w...

Just wanted to give everyone a heads up on my new port a cath. Some of you may know that for the last 3 weeks I have been experiencing trouble with it. I have had a lot of swelling, bruising and pain. Not to mention I came out of surgery with a brand new cough. The three weeks in a row my nurse could not access it no matter how hard she tried. I saw the surgeon on Wednesday afternoon. He flushed it but did not heparin lock it. Again, that night my port site began to swell and I was in pain again. Then on Friday my nurse came to the house and was able to flush it somewhat and attempted to heparin lock it. Things did not go so well. I was in extreme pain and by the evening my port site had swelled to the size of a lemon. Johnny took me to the ER the next day where the associate foe foed me, and sent me home. Week three began this week. So yesterday my nurse came again and had trouble with the port. She was concerned I had developed a clot and upon calling the docs office the worry began...

Sometimes life takes a turn not on your road map. I can attest to it, over, and over, and over again. At first you set out on what seems to be a beautiful country road. It's a nice quiet ride through the countryside, life seems tranquil and bursting with life. But then you hit your first bumpty, bump, bump and you begin bouncing all over the place while you try controlling your vehicle through a dusty, bumpy off the map road. Before you know what has actually happened you have taken not one, not two but countless detours as you continue twisting and turning down and through this off beat road. When the day started out you would never have expected to be here, down this road right? So by the time you have stopped on the side of the road and changed out an old tire or two, refilled the gas tank and changed the oil you are completely spent. Once you have gotten back in the vehicle and on the road you stop... breath and start your engine and push the gas pedal down as hard as you can...