Brave Heart, Brave Soul. She who is brave is free.

I was struck by life's irony this weekend. I stood there next to one of my closest friends watching the cruel twist of fate and the uncertainty cancer brings into our lives. Tears fell from my eyes before I even had the chance to protest them. I stood there motionless, Morgen's hand holding my own as I watched Kelly Jo Dowd's story play out in front of my eyes. She too had fought and battled breast cancer. She had moved on thinking that her cancer battle was behind her, until it came back and forced her back onto the front lines again. Her daughter was 10 years old when she fought her first fight in this ring, and 3 years later, she was hit with a fatal punch loosing her life. That really hit me hard as I saw my 10 year old son running down the stairs with his friends. I am so determined not to face this beast again but the truth is breast cancer has a mind of its own and its own agenda. What may or may not come is not in my hands? As I have moved forward, gaining higher gr...

Cancer's Shadow ... I know to some my desire to keep my struggle close to my heart not forgetting where I have been these last 16 months has been burdensome to a few. I honestly understand just how burdensome cancer can be. I really, really do understand this. I know how hard it has been for me to look in a mirror and see the effects of chemo on my face as my brows and lashes disapeared and as I seemed to age over night, so I can imagine that for others it has been troubling as well. Dealing with any form of cancer is understandably difficult to say the least. I know many struggle with what to say or not to say. But something as simple as a hug goes a long way in sharing the burden or easing the load on most days . Living in cancer's shadow is trying as it is grueling. There are times I know that some have hated me almost as much as they have hated my cancer for causing them to despise me so much to begin with. I can only imagine how it must feel to see someone you care about, ...

A Way of Life Over the last year and four months I have come to realize that being a breast cancer survivor is more than just a statement. It is a way of life. A way of living each and every day from just pulling yourself up and out of bed in the morning to getting yourself back into bed when the day is through. It is about finding a way to live through the uncertainty of tomorrow and the pain of today. Along the way you find, store deep within you and when needed rely upon faith, hope, strength and courage. Your new life is a maze of "what ifs" as it suddenly becomes an open book for all to see, to read and to criticize. Surviving breast cancer becomes an intricate and defiant part of who you are now. Your life, the one you have now taken a second mortgage out on, is up for review every so many months so you live every moment as if it is your last. This is the life of a survivor, a life that is now mine and one I am humbled to live. As I have traveled this road I have com...

The Voice We are Survivors. Women of all backgrounds, colors, and sizes bound together with one voice, and one cause with one goal, to fight. We are sisters in this battle. We are your mothers, wives, daughters, and sisters. We are the heart and soul, and the voice that rises up from the rubble. We are the life and death, the sister hood and the warriors of breast cancer. Can you hear our cries? Do you see our scars? Can you feel our pain? We are still here, living and breathing, scratching and clawing our way through to the surface of this thing we call cancer. A small voice alone may seem weak, and go unheard, but our voices together as one rise up strong and mighty. We will be heard, and we will be cured. If not today, if not tomorrow, then we will see it through till the end. Our voices will not die out with our deaths no they will continue to grow stronger and to live on in our children's children. In time we will find a way to insure a cure for our children's daughters...

Good Morning All! I needed to thank each of you for your constant support, especially over the last week. The last few entries have really been heart wrenching for me to write, as the issues behind then have been to manage through. I had to purge myself before I ended up bitter over the saddness that was sweepig over my heart. I am trying with my best foot forward to deal and move on. It is happening, it is just hard on the spirit and soul. I know I have not made my rounds through J Land the last 10 days either and I am sorry for that too. I miss reading and being apart of your lives. It amazes me how quickly each of you have become part of my life in such a wonderful and encouraging way. I am so blessed to be part if this family here in J Land. Love to all, C

Mother's Day is here again. Mother's Day is a time to remember why we love our Moms so much. But for me this year it isn't so much about my children reflecting on how much they love or appreciate me. They have had the last year to think about "how much." How much they "will" miss me, "if". How much they miss our old life. How much they are scared. How much they need mommy to be OK. No, this year is about how much I love being a mom. How much I love my boys and all the crazy, chaos they bring into my life on a daily basis. How much I am grateful to be alive and to experience all that being a mom offers. Last Mother's Day, I was just at the beginning of my journey. As I pulled my body out of bed and embraced the morning I looked out at the day and wondered if it would be my last. I soaked it all up, impressed those moments deep into my heart so that I would have those memories to hold on to when "the time" might come. I made myself ...

Last night was one of those extra special ones. It wasn't a planned night. No, it was one of those magical, spontaneous type of evenings. I made my way into the kitchen and decided I was up to helping with the evening meal. It was taco night. My kids love taco night. So we all gathered in the kitchen, and came together. I put the salsa and chips out, Johnny took care of the caseo and shells. I stirred the meat and the kids put the fixings on the table.It was one of those nights were it was actually OK to play with your food! We were all talking, laughing, and generally just enjoying each others company. Finally we sat down to the table and ate together. We did as most families do I suppose, talking about school, sports, summer. We talked about everything, except my cancer. We were a family just living in the moment, normal, with no problems (with the exception of who was going to help clear the table). I was just beside myself as I sat there, watching my family, be well a family...

There are times in all our lives when we find ourselves stepping back, taking a deep breath, and running into the fire, so to speak. We don't ask ourselves why, we just do it. That is exactly what cancer does to not only to your life (the one with the illness), but also to the lives of those who love you. My parents are a perfect case of this. They moved back home the night before I received my diagnosis. When I say the night before I mean they literally pulled up into our driveway with their packed to the top, U-haul, the night before I went in for my breast biopsy! They couldn't have come back home at a better time. From that first morning, they jumped in, feet first and never looked back. To give you a better idea about my parents, you have to understand that I am their only child. (When I refer to my sister, I mean that with all my heart. Morgen and I are so close that we refer to one another as sisters.) Through the years my parents have sacrificed everything for me. My ...

MY JOURNEY I awoke one morning to find my life had forever changed. My once carefree life had taken a sobering turn down a road I never intended to trod. Once my eyes adjusted to the blur now surrounding me, I took a long look around myself this way and that. I stepped side to side, looking forward and backward but all I could see far and near was pain, all I could hear was doubt, all I could feel was the fear. Fear of this, my new reality, trying to steal itself deep inside my soul. This life of mine now to my dismay was caught short. All I once knew was no more. All I could embrace, all that was offered, was the uncertainty of this new journey beckoning me to follow. Why me? Why now? So deep within my soul I sought solace and comfort. I needed answers and yet the answers I sought were no where to be found. My spirit was not ready to give up and my heart not able to give in. A silent killer indeed had been let loose inside my body to destroy and seige what it could . Everywhere I turn...